Behold The PickNana!

It's the end of week five, and here we are, getting a little bit cranky.  The feeds are more boring, the plots of sabotage are more convoluted, and the two HOH twist is getting old.  We have yet to see a hinky vote, and Zach and Frankie still haven't kissed. Things are getting predictable, and we are getting antsy for a house flip soon.

But, don't despair!! One of our BB16 dreams has come true!  Last night, as the have nots were planning their midnight feast, Caleb snuck into the kitchen. And there, before our eyes, he created the much talked about PickNana! 

7/30 11:36 cam 3

He peeled a banana, took the banana out of the peel, put some whole pickles inside the peel, and sealed the deal with some dental floss. Zach was right by his side for the floss assist. Caleb then took that PickNana up to the HOH and explained, one more time, his super romantic banana plan to win Amber's heart.

7/30 11:42 cam 1

Amber hates bananas, but loves pickles.  The PickNana represents the error of her ways. She judged him, looked at him as though he was a banana, when really, deep down inside he is a pickle!!  He might have some bruises on the outside, and he even has tattoos, like the banana has a Chiquita sticker, but inside he is just a simple pickle.

He has been talking about making a PickNana for days now.  The PickNana will teach Amber not to judge a book by it's cover.  It will move her to surrender her heart unto his pickleness.  He says it is the most genius thing he has ever done.  He is one seriously cracked country boy.

Caleb is so serious about this. He believes this banana pickle nonsense will really and truly win Amber's heart. But he also laughs a wicked laugh as he describes how much she hates bananas! She will recoil in disgust at this banana, much as she looked upon him.  It's a lesson she  has to learn.

He can't decide if he should put the PickNana in her suitcase, or give it to her as she walks out the door. He debates the pros and cons of each choice. In the meantime he has stashed this treasure in the freezer.

Whatever else transpires between now and the live eviction tomorrow, it will be forever in the shadows of the magnificent PickNana.  Even the threat of Team America Hinky votes cannot compare to the glory of a pickle wrapped in a banana and tied with a dental floss bow!

I'm hoping that Caleb decides to give it to her when she is going out the door. Then Julie can explain it all to her.  That would be comedy gold!

                                                                        Have a Dorky Day!

StalkMance: The End Of Days

Yesterday was a mostly mostly boring feed day. Derrick was planting seeds to maybe keep Caleb next week, that was kind of interesting. Frankie used every chance he could to suggest Zach as a target very soon. Victoria wandered from room to room searching for Derrick, while Nicole embraced paranoia yet again. 

And Caleb told everyone over and over how they need to keep Amber cuz she ain't done nuthin' wrong. During a convo with Zach, sitting by the hammock as he wiggles those stupid bunny slippers, Caleb actually admits to being a douche bag. Well, what he really says is that he feels like one. But I prefer to twist it for my own sanity, and for the good of all mankind, into him actually having a clue as to how badly he has been misbehaving.

7/29 6:30 p.m. cam 3 

Nothing much happens for most of the night. Then, in the wee hours, up in the HOH, Derrick, Zach, Cody and Frankie debate whether they should tell Caleb that Amber said Caleb was her target.  Apparently she has really said this, or sort of said this, or they are gonna pretend she said this. I may have missed her saying this, because on boring feed days I tend to zone out and miss the one sentence in 1,000 that might mean something in the game.

Anyway, Caleb walks into the HOH, wearing that stupid onesie again. Where did he get that and why is he wearing it?  Who cares about telling Caleb he is Amber's target, why don't they tell him he looks ridiculous in that onesie?  And those bunny slippers!!!  Someone needs to sit that boy down and say "Caleb, frankly, at the end of the day, you are wearing bunny slippers.  It's ruining your game dude!!"

But these guys are focused on the Amber issue, so they tell Caleb that Amber is targeting him because he is ruining her game.  He goes all creepy Caleb quiet, and gets up to leave the room. They try to stop him, but you can't control a Beast-mode Onesie Bunny!! He goes downstairs in search of Amber.  

Cody and Frankie both run downstairs, trying to get him back up to the HOH, but he won't even talk to them. Derrick finally gets his attention in the living room. Caleb is silently fuming as Derrick tries to talk him down from whatever berzerker plan Caleb's pea brain is formulating.  Caleb agrees to go up to the HOH, but first, he takes off those damn bunny slippers and throws them across the living room!!!

7/30 2:19 a.m. cam 3

Those bunnies belong to Amber and he ain't gonna wear them no more! He might boil them up later though. He will top them with some sliced banana and serve them up to Amber for her last meal. Because, at the end of the day, StalkMance:The Mini Series is finally over. Thus begins StalkMance: The End Of Days.

                                                                  Have A Dorky Day! 

The Most Twisted BB Plan Ever!!!

Has there ever been such a seriously twisted plot to evict a house guest in the history of BB? I can't recall any plan that involves so many people, and such a wealth of disinformation.  I could be wrong. It's week five, and this crazy cast is slowly turning my BB brain to BB mush, but I think this is a first.

There are about 15 alliances, plus Team America,  all in on the plan to turn Caleb against Amber. All of this effort just so that Amber can be voted out with his blessings.  If you were locked in a house with Caleb, would you want to try messing with his mind? Would you dare to encourage Zach to let loose during a ceremony being taped for the show?  Not me!  No sir, no way, no, no, no!

Who needs Pandora's Box when you have Caleb and Zach in the BB house?  It's crazy good fun and scary as hell at the same time.  It's delightful to see how easy it is to get Caleb change his mind about almost everything.  But it's scary too. Caleb acts so creepy that I want to hide behind my couch and just peek out now and then.

A few days ago we got a rare glimpse into Caleb's sordid childhood.  After the stinky Deep Fish Pizza delivery for the have nots, Caleb grabs a stinky fish and bites it's head off. Just for fun! A bit later, in the living room with the guys, Cody says he nearly got sick when he saw Caleb do that. All those fish intestines and stuff coming out of the fish made him really queasy. Me too!!!

Caleb hears the words nauseous and intestines, and decides it's the perfect time to  retell his squirrel killing story. The story begins with quite a few gory details of how he killed it, and ends with his grandfather making him put the squirrel's intestines in his mouth, and then pull them out like a piece of spaghetti.  Cody and Zach try to  hide under the pillows during all this talk of intestines. This is the same story that turned Amber completely off when Caleb told it told it the first week of this season. Caleb smiles that creepy country boy smile of his and says "That's just what ya do the first time ya kill a squirrel."

Then he tells the story of his first deer kill. This time he is hunting with his father, who forces him to lick the bloody heart of the deer, and then lay down inside the carcass!  Just normal hunting behavior on your first kill.  I was crouching behind the couch with my hands over my ears trying not to hear this morbid tale. Poor Derrick, Zach, and Cody had no place to hide.
7/26  6:40 p.m. cam 1

Yesterday, after the ceremony, after talking to Amber and getting some clues that his alliance may be lying to him, Caleb stands at the sliding glass doors looking out at the yard. Even without mood music it was downright scary. Visions of bloody hearts and intestines danced in my head. I threw some pillows and a few snacks behind my couch, just in case.

But the feeds just got boring after that. Caleb demanded one-on-one's with everybody to get to the truth. Everybody told him the truth (lies!) that they had all agreed on. Caleb campaigned for Amber to stay, counting out the imaginary votes on his fingers. Amber was just busy being Amber. She was a bit more feisty than her usual self .  But mostly she just trailed away in every convo, blaming Zach for everything. Everyone fed her lie after lie, and she ended up counting imaginary votes with Caleb. And Zach was napping through it all.

During the evening Amber began dropping hints about her past. She sort of, kind of, maybe, possibly, more than likely, has things in her past that would get her some sympathy and help her win the game. But she is not gonna play that way, for reasons that she can't say, about things she won't even talk about, and by the way, please forget she even brought it up. Aaaaaarrrrrrghhhhh!

Earlier in the season, when Amber was talking a lot about her world travels, she would mention Australia, and how she had to come back from Australia, for....umm.... reasons. She would never elaborate. Several people tried to get her to tell them what she meant, but she would just change the subject.  But in every convo about Australia, she would mention that she had to return to the states...because....ummm....oh never mind...just reasons.

Usually during BB I want to hear more about what makes people tick. Like the black bird that carried Victoria away as a child. Tell me more, tell me more!  But with Amber and Caleb I am afraid! I would rather hear the details of Zach's hyperactive childhood than delve any deeper into Caleb's mind. And I don't wanna hear a sob story from Amber. Please no! Make it stop!

I want Zach to stay awake at all times so that Amber and Caleb have no chance of revealing their true identities. I want Caleb to swear off hunting, and hunting stories, forever. And please, can Amber speak in full sentences and actually say something? But not about..you know, Australia and....um..reasons.

                                                          Have a Dorky Day!

Happy Dingus Day!

Yesterday Derrick was informed by BB that his grandfather had passed away.  The BB house was very quiet for a good long while.  Derrick was emotional, yet reserved. The house guests were thoughtful and supportive.  A very different scene than the one we witnessed the other night  when Frankie received news of his grandfather's death.  We all grieve in or own way. Derrick's way is the quiet way.

To take our minds away from this sadness, we should focus on happy thoughts. Happy, crazy dingus thoughts.  Zach did his cray-zee thing at the nom ceremony and called Nicole a "fruit loop dingus" ! He is such a fooligan!  She was more upset about being nommed than about being called silly names.  This name calling seemed only to confuse Nicole completely.  My chat friends were confused by the word dingus. Both the spelling and the meaning of the word were up for debate.

Being the dork that I am, easily distracted by the most trivial of things during BB, I launched a google quest to discover the true meaning of the dingus!!  So many choices!

• An article whose name is unknown or forgotten:  dingus, whatchamacallit 
• A stupid person, or a person doing stupid things
• A movie! Dirty Dingus McGee ! Listed as an anti-western (?) starring Frank Sinatra as an ass-breaker cowboy criminal! I'm not sure what an ass-breaker is but I resisted all temptation to google it, because gawd knows where I might end up. Maybe it means mule skinner, which is a term I have wondered about now and then, so I google that instead. A mule skinner is someone who drives mules, also known as a muleteer. I picture a rough and tumble cowboy with a Mouseketeer/Muleteer hat and get distracted by that for a while. Okay, back to dingus land.
• A restaurant! Dingus McGee's Roadhouse in Auburn, CA. You can eat there, dingus style! Ready to party? You can ride in the Dingus Limo if you order the Dingus Party Package!! Caleb would be all over that!
• A holiday!  Happy Dingus Day! Actually called Smygus-Dyngus, or Wet Monday, a Polish holiday the day after Easter. Pronounced SHMEE-goos DIN-gooss. Say it out loud, it's fun!! This is a holiday where boys splash water on girls and hit them with switches.  WTF???  A day of  stupid (dingus) pranks.
• It's a town! Dingus, Kentucky!! Famous for its Dingus Food Carts!!  I think Caleb's ancestors founded Dingus, KY    
• One online dictionary asks me "What made you want to look up dingus?" I need to find a good pic of Zach so I can post it there.
• Another site invites me to contribute to dingus development! New and improved dingus for all!!

There, now don't you feel better?  Zach has once again saved the day with all this talk of dingus.

                                                           Have a Dorky Day!

.

Zach: Set The Monkeys Loose!

So Derrick gives the HOH to Frankie. Ugh! Derrick says "It's poetic, you being HOH right now."  No, it's not poetic, it's pathetic. A sympathy throw in an HOH comp is ridiculous. But it does mean that Derrick's hands will remain free of blood for one more week. Maybe he was thinking about more than poetry when he threw it to Frankie. Is he that good? Hmm.

Let's not worry about that right now. What's done is done. Let's focus on Zach. This might be difficult, because he is moving at super speed through the house, leaving a trail of paranoia that makes for crazy good feeds. He changes his nom choices at least once a minute.  He changes them even during one sentence!  It's a wonder to behold.  

I love a house guest that can cause such mayhem.  But with Zach, you have to wonder, because it seems like mayhem for mayhem's sake.  Could there be a single, strategic purpose to his madness?   Has he completely forgotten he may not be safe this week?  Does he truly not realize that he is fast becoming every one's next target?  

Who cares?!!  It's freakishly good fun!  Let the paranoia run wild!  In between announcing his latest nomination combinations, Zach poses in front of a mirror now and then to admire himself in the HOH bathrobe.  He gets an anti nail biting manicure from Frankie.  He tilts his new hat at a rakish angle and does a happy dance. Then it's back to work he goes.

If he remains the HOH we should have one week of fabulous feeds.  Can the hgs survive a week of Zach hoh-itis?  Can we?  Can BB?  I am giddy with the possibilities. Zach reminds me of The Kids In The Hall skit with the wild monkeys. This guy has a room full of wild monkeys, and he holds the town hostage by threatening to set the monkeys loose. Set the monkeys loose Zach!! Let them run free!

                                                          Have a Dorky Day!

   

Life and Death: Real Life Reality

What an odd ending to week four. We spent the day wondering if BB would inform Frankie that his grandfather had died. His sister's tweets stressed that the family wanted Frankie to stay in the house and continue with the game.  After hearing these sentiments, I was fairly sure that BB would not give Frankie the news.

I certainly felt compassion for Frankie and his family. A painful situation for everyone involved.  But, because it was Frankie, it's difficult to be objective.  Of course, I would want BB to follow the wishes of the family. But I kept hoping that if Frankie was told this devastating news, he would leave the game.

Purely selfish on my part.  I just didn't want Frankie to gain any advantage from this news.  My chat friends debated the pros and cons of him knowing and staying.  I suspect this debate would have gone  down different roads if it had been any other house guest but Frankie.

Frankie came into the house with a bit too much hype about his famous sister Ariana.  So far,we haven't seen any evidence that this as an advantage. Still, it niggles at the back of my BB brain.  He is also a seasoned performer, playing to the camera most of the time.  I just didn't relish the thought of enduring a Frankie pity party for the next week. I especially did not want anyone throwing the next HOH to him, just because of this very sad news.

See what I mean about BB not bringing out the best in me?  Am I a pitiful example of the human race to want Frankie to either remain in the dark, or to leave if he gets this news?  I was beginning to think so until late yesterday, when the feeds returned after BB had given Frankie the news.  And, although Frankie was pretty low key during the long night of feeds, eventually my worst fears came true.

There is already talk of giving this HOH to Frankie. It may not happen. I sure hope not.  And then Frankie held a private/public showing of his eulogy up in the HOH. There was no need for him to do that.  He already told us he would be able to tape this same eulogy in the diary room and BB will send it on to his family. Why do we need to see this? And was it a coincidence that it was perfectly timed for BB After Dark?

I can't really hate Frankie for playing it up to the cameras with his bow tie eulogy last night.  It was quite moving, a natural expression of the Frankie we have come to know. But I doubt any other house guest in this season, in the same situation, would have talked to the camera for more than five minutes at the longest, if at all.

We all respond to grief in different ways. Personal ways. There is no right way. It is not wrong of Frankie to stay in the game.  He is not a terrible person if he incorporates this heartbreaking news into his Frankie Show.  It's his life, his sorrow, and his decisions.  I will not judge him for this.

Big Brother, however, will not escape my pissy attitude so easily. It was moving to witness Frankie reading his letter from home, seeing everybody rally around him, and hearing a few stories about his grandfather. But the eulogy could have been blocked. How many times are the feeds blocked for no good reason?  Millions upon gazillions of times! Last night there was good reason to block them, but they didn't. BB had satisfied our curiosity, let us in on what was happening, and we were happy to be included in that. We didn't neet to see that eulogy.  I fear this does not bode well for the show, the game, or our interactive voting involvement in the game.

My chat friends are still split on this. Some peeps love Frankie more now, and others hate him with a renewed passion.  If you watched that eulogy and felt it was perfectly fine, that's okay with me.  I think that, for Frankie, it was the most natural thing for him to do. Playing to the camera is what he does.  But if BB milks this for ratings, or manipulates the game to play it up, then shame on them.

                                                                 Have a Dorky Day!

Party Time!

What a bunch of wacko-doodles!  This is the cast that just keeps on giving. I can't even begin to describe all the mischief they got up to last night. BB made it all possible by announcing that booze would be delivered unto the house!  Thank Gawd!

Brittany and Zach were both working overtime on their own brand of crazy.  Caleb and Amber were featured in another installment of their spin off,  StalkMance: The Mini Series. The rest of the cast played their supporting roles to the hilt. Stellar performances all around!

Caleb revealed that BB production is his personal assistant!  He was ordering them around all night long. Get me some candles!  Book me a cruise!  Buy me an engagement ring for Amber!  BB better hustle, or Caleb will have to go all beast mode on their ass!

Caleb is newly delusional every day. He decides to take Amber on a romantic date in the back yard.  This date lasts about 45 painful minutes. He tells everyone that their first date went really well.  It's always a good sign when your date is so nervous she chews her lips until they bleed.  Amber will end up married to this dodo head because she refuses to say the word NO!   She is such a wuss!  She just gets all squirmy and vague, and hungry for cookie dough.  Pathetic!

That date went from hilarious to horror story as we watched. Seriously uncomfortable. Thank goodness we have Zach for comic relief.. BB is so boring for Zach  that he has to dream up his own twisted twists.  During all this romantic date nonsense, his alliance is still reeling form Zach's  Crazy-Bad-BB Plan # 29.  Earlier we witnessed this evil plot hatching in his mind when he was listening to Brittany in the hive room. Brittany has been fed so many lies about the coming vote that she has her own twisty twist version of what's going on:

Brittany: A lot of  people are scared to vote, so they are gonna vote however the house votes.
         
Nobody is gonna know how to vote until somebody speaks up and says how they are voting, but the main people who want me to stay aren't gonna say anything. They are gonna see how the house is  voting.
           
So nobody will say how they are voting. So nobody knows how to vote. Somebody needs to speak up.

Zach:    HOUSE MEETING!!!!

That convo made my brain hurt! We did not get the promised house meeting, but just the threat of a house meeting was loads of fun.. Even as they go into full panic mode, Cody and Frankie can't help but laugh at Zach as he fills them in on his latest crazy ass scheme.

A lot of other crazy fun transpired and the night finally came to an end with Cody, Zach, and Brittany all sleeping together in the HOH bird nest bed.  How did that happen? These hgs are seriously twisted.

                                                                      Have a Dorky Day!


           

Brittany: Let The Camplaining Begin!

Brittany is finally on the block. And it doesn't take her too long to start camplaining. That unique blend of campaigning and complaining that Brittany has honed to perfection.  She has pretty much been doing this since day one.  She did it even when she was safe.

Now that her BB life is on the line, it can only get worse. Yesterday she began her camplaining with a visit to the HOH. Cody has no vote, yet she spent a good long while up there.

Her first list of complaints go something like this:

• She is not a follower
• She will not kiss ass
• She is the most honest player there
• She is not going to let anyone run her game, she will always make her own decisions, regardless

Well, gee golly Cody, she sounds like one great teammate to me! She won't follow any one's plan, she won't make nice to get further in the game, or to stay safe, she won't lie to save your ass, and no matter what anyone working with her might think is best, she will do whatever she wants. What a great team player!!

Just in case Cody misses the not so subtle insults implicit in the above list, (everybody but her is a lying, ass kissing sheep) she adds one more point  to nail it down.

• She is surrounded by idiots

I wish she would stop there. That list should be entered into Wikipedia under How Not To Play BB.  But Brittany has many more complaints to share as she continues her Powerpoint presentation to a player who HAS NO VOTE!!!

The second part of her camplaining strategy is clearly designed to gain sympathy.

• She has 3 kids.
• She sacrificed  so much to be there
• Her ex may be plotting to get full custody of her kids while she is in the house
• She may not even have a house, or a car when she gets out
• There are other players in the house who clearly don't deserve to be here, in fact, really, when you look at it, only she and Jocasta, and maybe Derrick because he has kids, deserve to be there
• Everything was against her from the very beginning because certain people started playing the game so early, and made moves, and formed alliances, and didn't include her

This crazy list has been repeated over and over since the beginning of the season. It has gained her nothing. Each week she says the same thing and still nobody wants to work with her.  Shouldn't that be a clue? Wouldn't you think, by week four, on the block, that she would realize her game plan is not working?  And what kind of person leaves their children in danger of being spirited away by someone? She thinks this list will convince people she should stay in the game, when they all must be thinking "Why is she here when her children might be having their whole world  turn upside down?"

What makes it worse is that she really is very smart about what is going on in the house. She is pretty savvy about things up to a certain point. The point where she opens her mouth. I fear she will not close it this week. She will camplain herself right out the door.

                                                     Have a Dorky Day!

I'm Bored! Put Me On the Block!

My, oh my, oh my! The evening begins with Jocasta speaking in tongues on the show, and the crazy just overflows onto the feeds. Last night was the perfect ending to a day spent watching Britt kick that ball over and over again. I am not a Britt fan, but she did finish that brutal task with time to spare. Good for you Britt!

A lot of game talk was happening last night. Endless convos repeated  in various versions. And Zach was right in there.  He was trying to get his alliance to put Caleb up instead of Donny.  He explained that Donny is his new best friend, as of 15 minutes ago, and completely trustworthy. He has Donny in his pocket!  Donny should join their alliance! They think this is a terrible idea, and this makes Zach very cranky. He made some valid points as he proceeded to insult and anger everyone in the room. This craziness ends with the alliance saying "No!!".  Zach is thoroughly disgusted with them, and says, well, just put me up. He's not afraid,  he'll be safe. Dude, this alliance is awesome!

While this has been going on up in the HOH, Caleb has been busy with Amber in the hive room. He is trying to talk her into convincing Cody to put Zach up as replacement nom. It was a typical Amber and Caleb boring game talk circle dance around his burning cowboy love. Ugh!

Things were quiet for a while. And Suddenly....Zach!!  He has another great idea! A fabulous idea! He runs it by Christine and Frankie and  they tell him "No! No! No!".  He smirks his smarmy smirk, and races up to the HOH. He presents his surefire plan for chaos and destruction to Cody and Derrick.

He wants to fake a fight with Cody, and have Cody put him on the block. Zach will blow it up at the POV ceremony, and this will send the house reeling in confusion. Donny will then want to make a F2 with Zach, and he will be their puppet. This plan is genius! It can't fail! It will be awesome dude!! Put me up! Put me up! Put me Up! They tell him no in the nicest way. They tell him the hundreds of reasons why this is a very bad plan. Zack looks at them, totally deflated, and says "I'm bored!  Just put me on the block!!!"
( 7/20 11:50 pm cam 1 )

This was the funniest moment of BB16 so far. I laughed so hard I was crying. Cody and Derrick were laughing just as hard. They loved his enthusiasm, but No! No! No! Zach leaves the room begging them to please think about it. To insure that Cody will not go along with this crazy plan, Derrick does his thing and tells Cody that Zach must be America's Player.  Getting himself nommed has to be a task he is getting from the diary room, and he will get $5,000 if he succeeds. This is quite amusing, since Derrick himself is our player, and has already earned $10,000. Derrick is tricky that way.

Zach may be playing to the cameras, eager for face time on the show. He might be a Dr. Will wannabe. He is mostly selfish and mean. He is definitely addicted to causing chaos. But he was so damn funny last night I don't even care. I went to bed happy.

And then, I woke up today only to discover that Brittany has been up all night scheming and complaining. She may have topped Zach in the Most-Genius-Worst-Plan-Ever department. She is going to suggest to Cody that he let her make the replacement nom!!!  He owes her that much at least, doesn't he? And she will nom Zach! She'll explain how this will keep the blood off Cody's hands.  Another brilliant, no-fail plan.  How could he refuse? She at least deserves to choose who sits next to her on the block! Sounds legit to me. Zach and Britt are BB masterminds!!!  They would make a great powerhouse couple.  Zach and Brittany FTW!!!

                                                                 Have a Dorky Day!!

Victoria, What Did You Do???

I was suspicious last night when we had fish for a while, and then all 4 cams were on the hive room. As I watched the convo between Caleb and Amber go on into infinity, I was hoping that the cam shenanigans meant that Victoria was self evicting. She had been crying and complaining to everyone since the Battle of the Block.  She says everyone in the house is so mean, and she is so nice, she doesn't even want to be here anymore. I never heard her actually threaten to self evict, but it was fun to think about.

Quite a while later Zach is up in the HOH with Frankie and Cody in the bird nest. Zach says they have to keep Victoria, especially after what went down today. What is he talking about? What went down?  Frankie and Cody are as clueless as I am. Zach tells them he can't talk about it, but it was something Victoria did in the diary room that you cannot do. What could that be?  He can't tell them because production said not to tell or he would be in trouble. Something that she did, that you cannot do, that might cause someone in production to lose their job!!! Whaaaaaat? Tell me! Tell me!!

We get fish, and then..new topic! No more mention of Victoria. What happened? I want to know!!! Will we ever know?? Did anything even really happen? Zach is great at making things up, so he may be lying to them. Victoria is an emotional mess right now, so she may be making a big deal about nothing. Zach told Frankie and Cody that he went right into the diary room after talking to Victoria and asked them if it was true. He made it sound like they said yes, then warned him not to talk about it to anyone. ( 7/19 2:03:33 am )

So frustrating!! I search the archives and find a really quick exchange between Victoria and Zach  that begins in the kitchen ( 7/18 6:01:12 pm )  Victoria is crying, they go to the storage room, Victoria says "Do you know why they called me to the DR?  It wasn't..." And we get fish. It wasn't what??? What happened?

I can't even imagine any crazy scenarios. What in the world could she do in the diary room that might affect somebodys job? The guys have been complaining about Victoria touching them inappropriately. They can't really believe Victoria has no idea what she is doing. Maybe they talked about it in the diary room and production decided to address the issue with her. But still, what could she do in there that you are not allowed to do? Demonstrate her technique? No, that can't be it, Zach said it had to do with the game.What happened in there???

The diary room is such an enigma. What goes on in there?  Remember last season? When were were all certain that Elissa was receiving the full spa treatment during her hour long diary room  sessions?  What could she have been doing in there for hours at a time?

Jocasta revealed a bit about the diary room yesterday. She was talking to Brittany, who was complaining again about being a target and blah blah blah. She said she just wanted to scream, Jocasta told her to go do that in the DR. She told Britt to just go in there and let it all out, and they will ask her if she wants it filmed or not, and just say no. Jocasta says that's what she does. She goes in there all the time and lets loose and tells them not to film it.  Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!

The DR is our secret weapon.  Our sacred ground!  DR sessions help us separate the truth from the lies. A diary room rant or melt down is our dream come true. We want to see you let loose. Slam the whole house! Cry us a river!  My whole BB world is spiraling out of control!  No, Jocasta, say it ain't so!

                                                                  Have a Dorky Day!

I'm Confused....Again!

Week four of BB16 begins with me completely lost when the feeds return after the show. The house guests are all talking about the amazing HOH comp. Wait..whut? The egg comp is the most fun, exciting, amazing comp they have ever seen! There were more details discussed about this comp than any comp so far this season. Maybe in all the history of BB! Each comp duo replays their egg strategy over and over. I am so confused!!!

Did I watch the wrong show? The wrong comp? Because it looked to me like the same silly egg and chicken wire comp we have seen before. It's not fun. It's awkward and difficult and kind of boring to watch. Did the partner twist make it more fun? They just keep saying how much damn fun that comp was. I don't get it.

Then Frankie races from room to room screaming about how excited he is that he won HOH. He jumps up on everyone and hugs them! He is sooooooooooo happy. Ridiculously happy. Obnoxiously happy. Shut up already happy. This confuses me even more. Didn't Cody win too? Don't they still have to do the Battle of the Block? Didn't Frankie already win an HOH comp the first week? Like 3 weeks ago?  Why is he so excited now?

Then Team America starts talking about their new challenge to nominate a strong competitor. They hatch a plot to say that they believe Amber to be a really strong competitor, but she won't be their real target. They wonder aloud if America will buy it. I may be confused, but I'm not buying it, are you?

Talk turns to Victoria, and I feel a little better. It turns out all the hgs are confused about Victoria. Me too! The boys are seriously confused, because Victoria keeps cuddling them and causing them to get..um..let's say..um.. excited.  They can't believe she has no idea what she is doing. She says that, for religious reasons, she cannot sleep in the same room with a man. But she has been climbing into bed and cuddling with almost every guy in the house!

They discuss sleeping arrangements, and how Victoria now says she could sleep in a room with Cody, but not any other guy. The house guests just scratch their heads and seem even more confused. It is clear that no one wants to sleep in the same bed as Victoria. She gropes them in her sleep! She climbs on top of them, rearranges their bodies to suit her cuddle needs, and then touches them all over!!! All in her sleep!

Meanwhile, Caleb is basking in his live show afterglow.  He says that the whole time he was sitting in the nomination chair he felt so good that nothing could bother him. It didn't even matter what Devin said in his speech, because Caleb had his shirt unbuttoned, and his abs were on national television! Beast mode cowboy abs!

Caleb's abs shine like a beacon through the fog of my confusion. I revisit the sense of clarity I was experiencing before the feeds came back on. Back when I was basking in my own afterglow, laughing to myself about THE BEST HOME VISIT EVER with Donny's family. This cast may confuse me, but they sure are fun to watch!

                                                 Have a Dorky Day!

Hush Up And Play The Game!

I love a BB house guest who is there to play the game. I loathe a cast member who considers the show a platform to reach out to the world and change lives for the better. A hg who dreams of the fame and fortune awaiting them after finale night really pisses me off. You are on Big Brother, play the game for the game!!!

Victoria is more concerned with camera angles than game moves. And Devin, well, he has a daughter, and he has already informed production she better be there for the press parties he imagines they have planned for him after he gets voted out tonight.

Jocasta can preach a sermon inspired by the way you butter your toast!  Every single conversation she has quickly turns into a self help seminar. In the real world Jocasta probably helps a lot of people feel better about themselves every day. Her ministry must have a positive impact on her community. Good for her, we need more people like that in the world.  We don't need them on BB.

This is Big Brother, not a storefront church. Play the game, not the audience. Jocasta has talked game about 5 times since the season started.  Have mercy on the live feeders Jocasta!  We need some game talk and we need it now!  We want to love you, but one more sermon may just push us over the edge.

We know you are playing the game. You plant little seeds of doubt here and there, even as you schedule your prayer meetings and sharing circles. Talk some strategy woman!  Get down and dirty!  Use a prayer meeting as a cover to plot Fankie's demise!  Speak in Bible code to pass messages to your alliance. Give us something to help us love you.

Caleb  is working another angle.  Well, he's working a lot of angles, and they all involve limousines and red carpets. Last night he announced that he was officially breaking up with Amber. He wants to get his mind back on the real reasons he is in the BB house. He is all about the fame and glory. Winning the game seems to be incidental to his delusions of grandeur.  He describes several post game scenarios that guarantee him fame and fortune, and limousines galore.

His hunting guide business is going to be a world wide sensation. He will hire fleets of limousines to go on safari.  BB16 Beastmode Cowboy is his new handle, hashtag, twitter page, internet google thing, with a blue check mark. He has no idea what he is talking about, but somehow believes he will crash the internet with his country boy charm.

His homecoming fantasies all hinge on the paparazzi being alerted to his arrival, in a limousine of course, at various venues where the crowds will just go crazy wild for this old country boy. The list include Lowe's, his brother's church in the exact middle of the service, and assorted VIP clubs that will pick up the tab for him and his ever growing entourage.

A recording contract is in the works too!  He will of course sign autographs and pose for fan photos. Caleb even describes, in detail, what his adoring fans will say about him. The one snag in his fantasies is that according to the BB contract he can't promote himself as a BB16 superstar. But, he is certain there are people waiting to do that for him, and they will pay him for the privilege.

I am grateful for the super fans in the cast this season.  Even if they get all googly eyed just being in the house. Even when they do the happy dance in the storage room just because that's what you do on BB. Even when they are obsessed with alliance names, and making big moves week 3, I love them. I even love a super fan like Frankie, who reminds us in every diary room session that he is already famous because his sister is famous  Because super fan players love BB, the game and the experience, I love them. At least until they get these BB posers out of the house. Then they are fair game.

                                                              Have a Dorky Day!

Caleb: Make It Work!

Caleb is weird in so many ways. It's distracting me from my usual BB distractions. I find myself switching cams trying to find Caleb. Last night Nicole and Christine were plotting a hinky vote to cause some trouble for Jocasta and..um...Donny? Or was it Britt?  I couldn't really pay attention because I was trying to see if Caleb was still shooting death stares at Cody and Amber in the hammock.  Hinky votes are my fave BB thing in all the land, and I am obsessed with a maniacal muscleman in a head scarf. Pitiful!

He has the weirdest sense of fashion I have ever seen in the BB house. Shane's pink tank top? Andy's Garanimals? Maggie's sister-wife wardrobe?  Caleb's clothing choices are so randomly weird the others pale in comparison.

He has the unibomber look, with that grey sleeveless hoodie.  The shopping at Walmart look, with the green shorts that are 3 sizes too small.  The upcycle refashion look, with Amber's dress draped around his neck as a scarf. And now, the flaming doo rag look, with a succession of rainbow hued scarves.  So weirdly random. As Tim Gunn would say, there is no continuity, no flow, to Caleb's collection of weird ass costumes for the day.

Well, there is one constant in each of these crazy ensembles: The Death Stare. After Caleb mirror-checks that the long flowing scarf is positioned just so across his beast mode muscles, he heads outside. He positions himself anywhere that he can keep an eye on Amber. The evil eye. The stink eye. The fish eye. Whatever you call it, he stares at her for hours. It's beyond creepy.

This week, Caleb has added a new layer to his weirdness. He is on a fast! A holy mission fast! He will only drink sweet tea and electrolytes, and maybe some protein drink, from now until Thursday. Then, he will eat only the oatmeal part of the slop. He will slam that oatmeal right before the HOH comp, and be full on beast mode, and win that comp. And then Amber will be his forever, they will make F2, he will get a recording contract, and Amber will star in his music videos.

Jocasta is assigned to find all Bible references to fasting. I fear a prayer meeting will soon follow. Somehow, he charms all the girls into lending him their scarves. Well, I have never actually witnessed him asking to borrow them. Maybe he just takes them, like Amber takes all the make-up and headbands without asking.They are, after all, soul mates.

He has this game on lock!  He doesn't want a showmance, that would only distract him from the game. He just wants to get to know Amber! Really KNOW her. And the best way to do that is to dress weird and stare her down for hours, on national television, in a house she cannot escape from!

Like they say in Project Runway, I want to see more from Caleb. His designs are rough right now, with no single theme tying them together. He needs room to grow, to refine his style. He must dig deeper into the girls luggage and go for it.  He has the potential, and the passion, for a full on drag look by week four. Make it work!

                                                                Have a Dorky Day !

Boring FeedzzzZZzzzZZzz

Remember last week when BB16 was exciting beyond belief?  Those were the good old days.  Sigh......

When the feeds get boring I begin to question my humanity. I start wishing all kinds of crazy things would happen in the BB house to liven things up. I bring out my BB Bible and begin my litany of prayers.

Dear Saint Rachel of The Hissy Fit, I pray to you to intervene in Amber's game. Please let the other girls make her so paranoid that she throws a tantrum the likes of which we have never seen on Big Brother.Thank you, Amen.

Our Lady of The Overheard Conversation, I petition you to let someone eavesdrop on a secret Frankie convo and reveal him to the house for the rat that he is. This I ask in the name of all that is good and holy, Amen.

Archangel Brendan of The Neanderthal, please instill all of your deviant alpha male qualities into the hearts of Caleb and Devin, simultaneously, so that they may explode in rage at one another in a fight that races from room to room so fast that the cameras fly free from the walls. Hallelujah!

Sweet Elissa of the I-Only-Had-One-Glass-of-Wine Sisterhood, please bestow upon the house a mighty booze delivery, so that the house guests may get royally drunk and start all kinds of game changing shenanigans.

Dearest Brother/Sister Glitter Gary, please anoint your brethren Cody, Caleb, Zach, and Devin with the Sacred-Glitter-of-the-Coming-Out-on-National-Television. We ask this in the name of Bunky the Crybaby, Amen.

Oh! Great Master of the Hinky Vote, we beg of you to let the rumors fly today, and on into the night. In this request you have our utmost devotion, Amen.

Ok, that should cover it..let the games begin.

                                                     Have a Dorky Day!

Frankie the Rat

So, I have this love hate relationship going on with Frankie. Pre-season I was prepared to hate him. I don't like a house guest with a huge voting fan base. Makes me cranky. But then the season started and Frankie was kind of fun. All the hgs adored him. He had a slumber party giggle fest with Devin and Caleb! How could I not love him? And how cute was Zankie?  Those two were adorable!

And then Frankie turned into the Broadway version of Andy the Rat from season 15!  Last week Frankie ran himself ragged trying to get Zach evicted. He played messenger boy for everyone, and his singing telegrams were all lies! He popped in on every conversation. I swear that one time he was in four different rooms, on all four cameras at once!

Now Frankie looks about ten years older than his fake age. His eyes are going a little buggy. His sparkle is gone. And, when the first Team America task is revealed, it takes him two seconds to choose Zach as their target. They will spread a rumor that Zach is related to Amanda from season 15. There is a  possibility this might put an even bigger target on Zach than the one he painted on himself last week.  Frankie is still trying to get Zach out. For some reason this makes me really hate Frankie.

And then, in the wee hours of the night, Frankie tells Derrick a secret. He says that he works with a group of Broadway performers that travel to Africa and work with the children there. He tells him that the $5,000 he will get for the Team America task will build a school in Africa. He is going to give all of his Team America money to build schools in Africa! Devin has a daughter, but Frankie has a village! A country!

It turns out that Frankie is telling the truth. He really does travel the world doing good works. He probably will donate his Team America money to build a school. I start to love Frankie again. But then I remember his first school might cost Zach the game. This makes me cranky all over again.

Let's see what kinds of trouble Frankie stirs up today. I will give him one more chance. He has until midnight to prove himself worthy of my love.

                                                                 Have a Dorky Day!

I Love You, I Love You Not!

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly my favorite house guests can become my least favorite. Derrick has been playing a great game. He was pretty low key. Good at calming people down and guiding them to a decision that benefits him, without them having a clue that he is manipulating them. I liked Derrick, I really liked him.

And then came Team America. Since he was informed that we voted  for him to be in a secret alliance with America, Derrick's game has gone into hyper drive. America loves them! The viewers believe in them! Team America must fight the good fight for the good of all! They must always vote together! They need a secret hand signal! Plus, it's $5,000 a mission, dude! Ugh.

The cool, calm, collected, undercover player has turned into a blithering nincompoop overnight. Now that he won HOH, he has only gotten worse. Another overnight transformation.  He is talking game so fast and furious it makes my head hurt.

This happens to me every season. A player I love in the morning is banned from my presence by nightfall. I change cameras every time they enter a room. I rant, I rave, I throw popcorn at them whenever they are on screen. Boo! Hiss! Off with their head!

Live feeders are fickle. Whimsical!  Fancy free!  We love who we love, until we don't. Every now and then, we like having someone new to hate in the house. And today, the first day of week three,  I feel refreshed and renewed as I await the results of the Battle Of The Block. I smile a wicked smile as I imagine all kinds of things that can go wrong with Derrick's plan to lead Team America in their mission of good and holy works.

I better run to the store for more popcorn, just in case he ends up being HOH for the week.

                                                                                Have a Dorky Day!

Nap Time!

Week two, our second eviction, and I am already worn out from all the crazy antics of our season 16 house guests. These newbies have delivered entertainment above and beyond our wildest expectations. It's exhausting. Exciting, but exhausting.

Half of the house stays up all night, every night! I love me some late night feeds, but I need to sleep sometime! I am fully prepared to pull an all nighter on Thursday nights. I just can't do it every night. I am a sad specimen of a BB fan. Pitiful.

I have a sneaking suspicion that we are the real social experiment, not the CBS show or feeds. We, the live feeders, are the subject of extensive investigation. Someone, somewhere is monitoring our activities.  A secret CIA laboratory documents our reactions to the twisted scenarios Big Brother subjects us to. They have files on all of us!

One aspect of these social experiments is sleep deprivation. The longer I go without sleep, the more I believe this theory to be true. You see? The government is messing with my mind! If things keep happening at this pace, I am fairly certain you will be reading my Big Brother Conspiracy Theory Manifesto by week seven.

This season it may be a close race to see who burns out first, me or the house guests. They are playing fast and furious and might just fizzle out soon.  Me too!  I better nap when the feeds go down today. It will be crazy good fun after the HOH comp. Crazy, kooky, happy-shiny-newbie all night long fun. Yes, I better nap now. But first, I have to sweep my house for listening devices.

                                                                 Have a Dorky Day!

PS: In other news, Zach confessed to opening the box of condoms and throwing one condom in the trash, just because.

The Mystery Of The Missing Condoms

Yesterday the feeds were that crazy BB mix of boring but interesting. Mostly dull with some game talk sparkles here and there. But, late last night,  Zach and Caleb called a truce.Then Frankie worked his crazy magic with Devin, telling him alarming things in that special way that Frankie has of twisting the truth.  Things went to hell from there. Bomb Squad Outing : The Sequel.  All kinds of crazy things will soon transpire as a direct result of Devin's antics last night.

Meanwhile, everyone seems to have forgotten all about the missing condoms! Earlier in the evening, when the girls were thinking up pranks against the boys, they decided to make condom water balloons. Brittany discovered that three condoms were missing from the box they got from the storage room.  The girls went wild, and stealth whispering ensued.

Speculations led directly to Zach and Frankie. Jocasta told the girls she had heard sex sounds coming from their direction the other night. But then she figured it was just the people in the walls. Um...what? She figured the camera dudes were having sex in the walls, so she just went back to sleep?

The case of the missing condoms was soon forgotten when the Devin crazy fest began. Well, forgotten by all but me. How could the live feeders miss three condoms worth of night vision shenanigans? Why were Zach and Frankie the only suspects? Why didn't each of the girls launch separate, undercover investigations, and report back at the first secret meeting of a newly formed alliance called The Trojans???

I am so intrigued by the behind the scenes details of Big Brother. When I first started following the live feeds, I was amazed that BB supplies the hgs with all kinds of sex related paraphernalia. I tried to imagine the meetings and memos that led to condoms and dental dams being added to the storage room shopping list. Does CBS order them in bulk? Is there a central warehouse that dispenses them as needed?  Do they send an intern out with that shopping list?

Back on the feeds, Brittany and Jocasta seem to have boarded the Devin crazy train. Everyone else is wondering what the hell went on in that HOH room with Devin, Jocasta, and Brittany. They practice their holy mantra: deny, deny, deny! These hgs are more concerned with the game than the missing condoms! What a bunch of silly heads!

I suspect that  Caleb and Devin slipped those condoms into their pockets just in case their stalk-mance dreams come true. When the girls discovered the condom shortage, diversionary tactics were required. Caleb forms a truce with Zach and sends Frankie upstairs with a secret coded message. Devin deciphers the message, and creates a decoy by proclaiming that he is now going rogue. Frankie did his best to garble that secret message, so there is still a chance that the evidence will lead us back to Zankie.

The girls secret condom alliance seems to have disbanded. The Trojans are no more. I can only hope that live feeders across the land are searching the archives for clues. Examining every minute of night vision footage for telltale signs of hanky-panky. Please, live feeders, don't fail me now!

                                                                   Have a Dorky Day!

Hinky Votes!!! Woohoo!

Week two hinky votes!!! My prayers have been answered! I love the hinky vote! I truly thought it would not, could not happen so soon. And right now it's only talk. Frankie talk. Frankie seems to have switched sides yet again. Now he says he wants to vote for Zach to stay, but blame his vote on someone else. And maybe do the same with Christine's vote. We call that a hinky vote!  Hinky vote talk in the hive room! Woohoo!

The hinky vote is tricky business. It's very difficult to go undetected as the hinky voter. It creates all kinds of paranoia on one side, and crazy-happy-storage-room-dances on the other. I think there is even special hinky vote music for the CBS show. Plinka-plinka-hinky-vote-music. Lets dance!!!!

Frankie better not be getting my hopes up, only to smash them down come voting time. Don't tease me with a hinky vote scenario and then chicken out on me!  A week two hinky vote would be spectacular. You will be guaranteed lots of face time on the show if you do the hinky vote Frankie! Check your camera angles and go for it.

I am so excited about the possibility of a hinky vote I can't stand it!! Plus! Extra bonus feature! We might get to hear Donny say the word hinky!  I hope they let Donny explain the hinky vote to the viewers.  Priceless!

                                                              Have a Dorky Day!!

Code Word: Apple Pie

So, it turns out that I don't have to be asleep to miss whats going down on BB. I don't even have to be on the wrong camera! I witnessed the apple pie convo in the kitchen and never suspected a thing. Donny made a couple weird faces, and I thought it was just Donny being Donny. Derrick was fidgety when he went to the back yard, but I figured that he was just worried about  Zach. And Frankie was just being Frankie, singing a medley about apple pie, bald eagles, and America.

Team America code words flying all over the place, and I am completely oblivious!  Caleb's story about bald eagles knocking goats off the mountain distracted me! The ice cream talk made my mind wander! Donny's idea of opening an ice cream and water restaurant bamboozled me!

And when did our Team America alliance meet up in the storage room for their first official meeting? Or was it in the back yard? Wherever it was, I missed that too! I must have been busy giggling hysterically at Devin's goofy grin as he was daydreaming about having even more daughters, this time with Brittany. That dude is seriously whacked.

Yesterday was mostly boring, with a sprinkling of lunacy. Caleb wants to give the Bomb Squad promise rings, while Devin sharpens his scalpel to cut the cancer out of his alliance. I think the cancer  is Caleb, but it might be spreading fast to the other members of  "The Squad".  Zach is on suicide watch as he spirals out of control. And Brittany is considering not accepting the Veto if Devin uses it on her!!! That's just plain crazy talk!

Two weeks into the game, and Frankie looks totally frazzled as he runs from room to room, alternately starting and putting out fires. Devin watches his spy cam while teaching himself how to read lips. The Bomb Squad lower echelon plots a Coup d'etat to dethrone Caleb and Devin. And Brittany seems fairly serious about her crazy idea of refusing the Veto.

These people are playing as if it's week ten, not week two. No wonder I missed the code words!  It's like we have been plopped down in BB mid season. We are naked and afraid!  EVERYBODY JUST CALM THE FOOK DOWN!!!!!

                                                                             Have a Dorky Day!

Why Is Andy On My Feeds?

Yesterday's feeds were crazy good fun!  Alliances are crumbling, bromances are ending, and a berzerker is ruling the house!  I think that top secret Bomb Squad alliance meeting  up in the HOH  went well, don't you? Devin has obviously worked covert operations before. He sure knows how to keep his alliance hush hush. And he has a no fail back up plan if anyone suspects anything: deny, deny, deny! That should work. Why worry?

As any  previous HOH will tell you, it's always a good idea to simultaneously confuse, alarm, demoralize, and expose your alliance members just moments before the POV comp starts. Let's put on our BB big boy pants and win that POV!

So we had a day filled with POV, Have Nots, secret meetings (NOT!), broken promises, and twisted love. And to add to our viewing pleasure, yesterday was the first day of BB intern training for the ON/OFF switch for the feeds. This in depth training course will continue for the next three months. There will, as usual, be no graduates from this master class.

Some days during BB, I try to imagine the control room. Maybe the feed switch is really simple, like a light switch. The words ON/OFF have faded after so many seasons, and now there are little post its with arrows and smiley faces to guide the way. But the post its keep falling off. The intern doesn't want to bother the control room guys with silly questions about one little switch, so he just flips that thing randomly. The feeds go up, the feeds go down. No particular reason.

In another possible control room scenario, I imagine that the switch has a fail safe mechanism, and it takes two interns, who each have a key, to flip the switch.. These interns are quick to master turning the feeds off, but  they just can't get the hang of turning them back on.  So they simply pretend like everything is okay, and hope nobody notices that the feeds have been down for hours and hours.

This season, it's a three way switch: ON/ Fish/ Stupid Jeff Interviews. And the Jeff interviews keep getting stuck on Andy. Last night they had Andy popping into every convo, in every room. Ugh! Why is Andy on my feeds??? Hurting me!!!

Remember the good old days when we complained about the BB trivia we had to endure when the feeds were down for a comp?  Remember when the fish cam showed a beautiful aquarium, with lovely fishes that we could name and make up stories about? Alas, this seasons fish cam shows us a murky mess. And there is nothing we can do about it. Those interns will be flipping the switch on us willy and nilly. The post its will say ON/Swamp Thing/ Andy The Rat. The mute button is our only hope.

                                                                           Have a Dorky Day!

Link Please!!!

Will somebody please send me the link for the app that lets me watch the feeds while I sleep??? The one that jacks into my BB brain and guarantees I will not miss a fight. Even a two minute fight, for example, like the one that happened last night. While I was asleep. Dammit!

Didn't I learn my lesson Thursday, when I slept through a whole week of action in one night?  I am such a dork!! No sleep for me!! Must.....stay...awake!!!

Replay is a great feature on the CBS feeds. I can watch everything after the fact. But it's just not the same. It's so weird. Replaying  great moments that I witnessed live is great fun. But catching up on berzerker moments that I missed doesn't have the same adrenaline rush as being there when it happens.

I try to stay awake. I really do. But then the feeds get boring, and my mind wanders as I try to keep one eye open. This one eyed technique never works. Especially this season. Caleb and Devin can put me to sleep in minutes, even during the day. They might just bore the house so completely with their blah-blah-blah speak that they will make it to final two. Leaving a trail of sleepy eyed house guests in their wake.

I have no idea how I will survive this season. Happens every year. I try and I mostly fail. And it's even worse on a day like today. Most of the house guests were up all night. So today feeds should be mostly boring, right?  Lots of napping going on in the house. Maybe I should nap too.

HA!  Dork me once, shame on you, dork me twice...well....wait....that  already happened last night.  I just know that Devin will wake up and give all the girls his death stare, and Caleb will rush in to protect them. There will be a duel at high noon. If I nap now I will be sure to miss that!

But, if I don't nap, it guarantees the feeds will be boring today, and into the night. Then around 2:00 am I will decide nothing is happening, so it's safe to go to bed.  My dork brain will trick my BB brain into turning off the feeds and going to sleep. And then the berzerkers will party down! BB fight history will be made! Legends will be born!!! And Your Dorkyness will be snoozing for sure. Missing everything!

I need that BB sleep app bad. Link me, please!

                                                            Have a Dorky Day!

Whut???

I close my eyes for one minute and look what happens! Well, actually I went to bed. I just wasn't in the mood to wait for hours to see Devin cry one more time, in the HOH reveal.  And Amber was already complaining about how hard it was to be HOH, and she was getting on my nerves. Ugh.

I wake up to discover that our whole  BB timetable is all topsy turvy from this seasons twisted twist. Nominations have already happened? Whut??? 

Plus, the BB Rule Book made it's first appearance! I love it when the rule book comes out. I want one! I would be flipping through those pages every day! Earlier in the evening, Jocasta  brought out the rule book in the storage room. There was some question about food deliveries or something. Of course Devin was there, he needs more food NOW! Most of the house guests were surprised to hear that there was a BB rule book. Jocasta seemed to be the only one who knew of it's whereabouts. She doesn't miss much.

The rule book came out again a while later. Well, the readers digest version of the rule book. Amber reads the rules of nominations to Devin.. And then Devin shares his thoughts on the noms with Amber. For most of this convo, he is staring off at everything else in the room but Amber. Then Amber starts doing the same thing. Every time they happen to look at each other they look away really fast and just kinda ramble on, not really saying much of anything.

Four noms makes for really crazy strategy convos with the Bomb Squad. Once again this twist is messing with my mind. And the accelerated schedule doesn't give me much time to recover.They did the nominations in the middle of the night? We already have the winners of the Battle of The Block?? Whut? It feels like I'm on a BB speed date.

My BB brain hurts. I don't even want to think about a week of Devin as HOH. He is tarnishing my shiny-happy-newbie vibe. It's the 4th of July and there is work to be done, celebrations to attend.  I must prep my carrot dogs. Yes, it's a steamed, grilled, carrot on a bun. And Devin can't have any!

                                                                         Have a Dorky Day!

House Meeting!!! Hidey-Ho-Ho!!!

I was mostly lurking after the show last night. Putzing  around the house, mumbling Hidey-ho-ho, and having a little chuckle. Earlier in the day Caleb was trying to remember "You know what I mean, what cowboys say when they are on the mountain, in the sunset, waving their hat? Hidey-ho-ho, or something like that."  That Caleb is such a hoot!

That little tidbit could have carried me through to the eviction. Seriously, this first week of  live feeds has been one delight after another.  What more could a girl ask for?

HOUSE MEETING!!! Those two little words make me swoon. Plus, it was a real time double feature, playing alongside Episode 100 of StalkMance: The Miniseries.

Chat was rolling fast as we all settled in for some fun. When it comes to house meetings, I prefer the kind that explodes in screaming hissy-fits. Complete with name calling, food throwing, and door slamming. Now that's a house meeting! Last nights meeting was the other sort of house meeting. The kind where one hg reveals how ridiculously crazy they are, and the other hgs sit there with mouths agape and eyes agog.

While Devin is giving his I Have A Daughter speech in the living room, Caleb is reciting his epic love poem, I Made You Ice Cream, to Amber, in the hive room. It was really difficult to choose which spectacle to watch. I could not look directly at Devin as he sobbed about his integrity blah blah blah. One week of looney toons game play and he is having his 15th melt down. It's not pretty, and I am not looking.

I decide to watch his audience. How they sat there without bursting into giggle fits I have no idea. Maybe all those hours of listening to Caleb's delusions of Amber were combat training for just this moment. Because gawd only knows what would happen if one of them let loose a snicker. 

Meanwhile Caleb and Amber seem to be making progress in the hive room. Amber has a way of talking around the subject, never quite saying too much about anything. But whatever she is saying, Caleb is hearing that she really wants to go on a date, in a horse and carriage. And there will be flowers and romance, and he will make her ice cream for all the days of her life. As they hug it out, Caleb's hat bumps Ambers head in that certain way that tells Caleb she really is into him. Hat bumps don't lie.

Everyone  gets up and they head to the kitchen to watch the have have-not food fest. I am smiling to myself as I finally turn off the feeds and get ready for bed. Such a perfect end to a crazy ass week of BB. I am content, and all is well with my BB world. 

Well, we still have today, with several hours before the feeds go down for tonight's show. And if, in those precious hours, Zach and Frankie would finally make out, this would be the best first week of BB ever! Hidey-Ho-Ho!!!

                                                                 Have a Dorky Day!

Train Wrecks Galore!

Have we ever had this many potential train wrecks so early in the season? Like week one early? All on separate tracks, departing from different stations, destined to derail in whatever the hell universe they are speeding through?

Joey's train just keeps on crashing. It doesn't realize it has already gone up in flames. Three times already! Last night she hopped on  her train for a fourth time and did a repeat performance of Alex. This character is her new campaign manager, and his main job seems to be to scare the living daylights out of the other house guests.

There has been some talk that Alex is a task assigned to Joey as the first member of Team America. If that's the case, we should call her locomotive the Grodner Crazy Train, because absolutely no good can come of this. At least Joey's wreckage doesn't have any real impact on any of the other players.

Caleb and Devin's trains have huge monster engines that can smash right through mountains. Separate trains, but the same Bomb Squad passengers. Both monster trains have the potential to destroy the games of their alliance members. Caleb and Devin seem to have each other's back, but they rarely think about the safety of the other bombers.  And they have no idea they are riding separate trains.

Caleb's train has a special car for Amber. He is still decorating it. I hope Amber makes it to the Greyhound station in time to make her escape!  He claims he will wait till after  the HOH comp to invite her join him in that car, so that she can maybe apologize to him. But I don't think that train is gonna wait for HOH. You can see the smoke coming out of his ears. That train is ready to roll!

Meanwhile, the other house guests line up for tickets to watch the fun. Even as the Bomb Squad members fear they may be outed by the coming train wrecks, they squeal with delight at the thought of such a glorious spectacle. Frankie and Zach are so excited they are pinching each others nipples!

I love a good train wreck. But I kinda like this cast, so I am sending them a care package of helmets and tutus.  The helmets will protect them from the shrapnel, while the tutus act as a diversion. They best put them on right now!

                                                                    Have a Dorky Day

Am I Tripping? Or Is It You?

Today begins day five of BB16 live feeds. Day five? That can't be right. We have a stalk-mance, bro-mance, gay-mance, and a wide variety of weird-mances.  There are prayer circles, Kabbalah cliques, meditation classes, and more Bibles than we can count. Singing! Dancing! Streaking! It seems more like mid season than the first week.

Alliances have been formed, disbanded, and outed.  We have final two deals up the wazoo! Breakdowns, melt-downs, and showdowns have already transpired.  It's like this is BB Advanced Placement Class. Complete with a Prom.

This is the strangest first week of BB ever! I know we say that every season, but this year it may be true. Three men sleeping in a bird nest? Every straight guy in the house cuddling with the gay guy?  House guests kneeling around the bed to pray? A highly functioning sociopath hunting guide who can sing, dance, build motorcycles, braid-foil-and-color your hair, charm the gay dude, and kill a wild hog with a stick?   Seems mighty strange to me.

It's wild enough that we have a full force stalk-mance going week one. Caleb has managed to channel all the previous BB stalkers into one terrifying beast.  His confession to Amber, that he wants to get to "know" her, was one of the most awkward hour of live feeds I have ever seen. It gave me the heebiest of jeebies.

Then we have Devin. That boy is just plain kookoo. In addition to his hundreds of other highly delusional and OCD issues, this guy has a serious food trip. First he eats all the food in the house, then he fasts for 24 hours, then breaks the fast with a half coffee-half cola shake. He is now convinced he is gaining weight, and plans to run laps all day today. This guy's body has women swooning, and he thinks his face is too fat.  He drones on endlessly about how hard this game is. Droning, droning, all the day long. Everyone is just tuning him out. Even in his enforcer mode. Devon speaks, and the hgs cringe and fall asleep.

Last night he did, somehow, get Caleb to realize his stalk-mance was going nowhere. That may be Devin's biggest contribution to his alliance. Five minutes later, he is covering his head with a towel so no one can see his fat face. Seriously kookoo.

Meanwhile, Christine and Nicole are swinging on the hammock, gazing upon the madness that is swirling around them, and giggling up a storm. They are stealth whispering with such expertise I can't hear one word they are saying. But I know what they are asking each other. "Are we tripping? Or is it them?"

                                                        Have a Dorky Day!!!