Finally, The Finale!

So....the finale wasn't quite as bad as I expected. Not as good as I had hoped for either. Happens every year.  Julie builds me up, only to smash me down.

Hooray for Derrick! He worked 24/7, double-triple-overtime, to win BB16 . I kind of like that Cody took Derrick to F2. I admire loyalty, and I like it better when there are two game players at the end. And Victoria didn't cry! You go girl!

And Donny won AFP! Or was it AFH? Whatever, five million votes! That's pretty awesome. And what a great job Julie did with that reveal! You just know that Frankie thought he had gotten ten million votes, all for his own self! His reaction was priceless! That almost made up for how bad the rest of the show was.

Then we move to the back yard interviews. That reporter was terrible! Has he ever used a microphone before?  Those questions were ridiculous! And I think the camera dude was the last surviving live feed switch intern. He dropped the camera!

Hee hee! Donny confessed that he was the one who crossed out Victoria's name in the bathroom! Some peeps are really mad at him for this, but I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. His back yard interviews were the best! He is hilarious! I want to make him a tee shirt:

I'm trending on Twitter

....whatever that is.

Zach was so cool! Just chillin. Happy for everybody. Cody just wants to have some beers with Big Jeff. All the hgs except for Jocasta and Devin were pretty gracious about everything. Jocasta was still trying to build her church, and Devin simply has no idea how to talk to people. He just smiled and said stupid things that ended up sounding just plain rude.

And suddenly, Blankie! That's my new name for him. I just made it up right now, this very minute! I want to blank him out of my BB memories. He was so all about him, all over the place last night. Dancing and prancing and kicking and singing and posing and all those things he does to keep the cameras on him. Ugh.

Today I am resisting all urges to click on anything Blankie related. I'm not gonna click, share, like, retweet, or look at anything that's about Blankie.  Blankie on The Talk? Not looking! Blankie jets off to SNL?  Not caring!  HA!  I'll show him!!!

All the hgs can now go back to being who they are in real life. I wish them all well. They entertained me for almost 3 months, We have had our fickle way with them, and now their life is their own again. 

Everyone but Blankie. Blankie just makes me all kinds of cranky. I want to white him out from the BB16 story, but I can't. Well, maybe I can!  It's my very own dorky blog after all. I could, if I wanted to, go back through all my posts and Frankie! And make him Blankie!!! 

Oh my Gawd, that's a lot of work. That would take me days and days. Also, most likely, nobody would ever notice!  I'm still worn out from last night, I have no energy for a project of this magnitude. But I can Blankie his ass out of all future posts!  

#AnyOneButBlankie   For the good of all!!!

Have a Dorky Day!

Goodbye Back Yard, It's Been Real !

Last night the final three said goodbye to the back yard. Goodbye hammock. Goodbye fake grass. BB has told them they will be locking down the back yard Tuesday at 7:00 am. Goodbye pool. Goodbye hot tub.

All of these goodbyes while laying on wet astroturf to reenact last season's final three goodbye's. They share back yard memories. This takes quite a while. Cody and Victoria get a little fidgety, but Derrick is just laying under his BB sky soaking it all in. Goodbye barking spiders. (barking spiders??!!!)  Goodbye ants.

They already took the last swing on the hammock. And right before that, Victoria had one last try at getting Derrick to admit he had promised her f2:

Victoria: Can you just admit?
Derrick:  Admit what?
Victoria: That you said the thing...
Derrick:  I said what you think I said, but my intentions were obviously different than you thought they were.
Victoria: So we never had a final two?
Derrick:  I don't think we did.
Victoria: Sigh........

Goodbye weights.  Goodbye couches. Goodbye pillows.

Derrick says they gotta put the cover on the pool table for the last time. I never saw them do this before. I think this is the first time they have ever used that cover. But they are caught up in a Fellini film moment as they say their last words at the pool table funeral. Cody is so sad he might just cry.

Did Derrick get a final Team America mission? A mission to:
A) creep me out, or B) make Cody cry?

Cody writes his name in the dew on the grill cover. A bird shrieks in the night.  I'm getting a little freaked out here. They are all strolling around aimlessly thinking morbid goodbye thoughts. Goodbye washer. Goodbye dryer.

BB: Holla! Froot Loop Dingus!

Thank goodness Zach is here in spirit, to comfort us during the last moments of the saddest ever BB back yard memorial service.

BB scares them with a lockdown announcement. They all freak out and panic. BB announces lockdown is over. They calm down and continue with their goodbyes. They are sad, and tired, and acting pretty damn weird. Goodbye camera pole in the middle of the yard.

They finally head inside to get ready for bed. Thank gawd this nonsense is over! Then Derrick runs back outside for one last goodbye. He races over to the pool. Goodbye Ducky!

BB is playing some really weird sound over the loudspeakers. It sounds like that creepy freaky sound in that movie The Langoliers. It's freaking me the fook out! Maybe its barking spiders! Is that what they sound like?

They just ignore the sound and make a bedtime snack. I would make one too, but the lights are off in my kitchen, and I just know there are barking spiders waiting for me.  And I know what they will shriek at me with that awful Langoliers barking spider sound. Goodbye Dorky!

                                    Have a Dorky Day!

This Final Three Is Killing Me!

The final days in the BB house are designed to make everyone go completely bonkers. The feeds get sooooooo boring, the hgs are sooooooo bored. Game talk is circular, repetitive, mind numbing. At this point in the season my skull is sloshing with a puddle of BB brain-mush.

This particular final three is seriously close to driving each other insane. Cody is cussing up a storm about everything.  He is hyper to the max. He has completely lost patience with Victoria. He wants Derrick to please just make her shut the fook up! Tell her there is no hope! Squash that girl's BB dreams right this minute!

Ever since Cody outed The Hitmen during Caleb's eviction, Victoria has been a little cranky. After Derrick won part two of the final HOH, she has been on a mission to get direct answers from him about who he would take to the final two.

But she is doing it in her own special Victoria way. She hammers away at him for hours, talking so low you can barely hear her. She also speaks in sentence fragments that mostly make no sense. She wants direct answers, but rarely asks a direct question. It's driving Derrick and Cody crazy!. Me too!

I kind of want her to just start screaming at them demanding answers! I wish she would just give them hell for these final days. Victoria actually thinks she has played a good game. She has almost convinced herself that she has brought Derrick to the end with her game play. This whole Hitmen alliance business is really pissing her off.

I think she really wants to get mad, but still holds some small hope that she will be taken to the final two by one of these guys. I bet Victoria is a glorious force to be reckoned with when she is truly furious. That pink hat incident was just a tease.  I want to see her spit fire and spew Hebrew! I want her to get all Victoria Princess Warrior on their asses!!! Yes, please!

Derrick tells her so many versions of why he shouldn't take her to the final two, it's no wonder the poor girl can't speak in complete sentences. But he never tells her point blank that he isn't taking her. He talks around it. He is slowly, methodically, painfully working her for a jury vote. Derrick is tricky that way.

Cody says that if Derrick doesn't tell her she has no chance of final two, he will tell her himself.  He wants Victoria to stop following Derrick around. Cody just wants to have a good time being Big Brother's Most-Amazing-Secret-Alliance-Final-Two-Ever, and Victoria is ruining all of his fun!  His Hitmen reveal seems to have gone to his head. He may actually follow through on this threat, if Derrick doesn't finally just tell her he is taking Cody to the end.

Meanwhile, it's hard for me to believe these guys are really not planning to take Victoria to final two. Are they lying to each other? Are they lying to us? I never get it right at the end. My brain hurts just thinking about it.  My final two predictions are always completely wrong. Well, I am mostly wrong the whole season, but I am always crazy wrong in the end. BB brain-mush FTW!

                                         Have a Dorky Day!


.

Bye Bye Caleb! Hello Final Three!!!

Caleb looked so sad when he got evicted. But then he perked right up when he saw the live audience and all those cameras! He gave Julie a flower!  Not as romantic as a pickle banana, but a lovely gesture all the same. Then he posed for the cameras and blocked Julie's shot! BeastMode style!

And we are left with the final three. Cody, Derrick, and Victoria finally get the endurance comp they have been begging for all season.  It was a beautiful set, with rainbow hang gliders, a beautiful sky, and all kinds of scenery. And we had wind, and rain, and lightning.  And then they just kinda stood there, hanging on. 

Was it just me, or was this comp pretty boring?  After Victoria dropped I just lost interest. Then Derrick failed in his roundabout way of getting Cody to drop. I figured that between Derrick and Cody it didn't really matter who won, so I went to bed. I am a sad excuse for a BB blogger. Pitiful!

Cody won!  Derrick and Cody were happy. Victoria was a little pissy. She asked Derrick if he had thrown the comp.  He turned it around pretty quick, saying maybe he should suspect her of throwing it. Crisis averted. Then they all just sat around being the final three. 

Derrick and Cody have a few quick convos about the coming comps, final two, and the fame and glory of The Hit Men alliance. Derrick and Victoria have some convos about their own secret alliance, that for some reason has no alliance name. Then I think they sort of officially make up from their fake fight, in front of Cody. Not that she would ever give Derrick her vote. No, Cody, don't you fret about that.

Meanwhile, Victoria is still worried about her hair. She and Cody talked about Amber constantly asking Victoria if she wore extensions. She starts to tell us about Ariana's hair loss, and we get fish. (CBS is still kissing Grande butt.)  Anyway, she promised to show him her real hair. She keeps saying that she doesn't want anyone to see her without extensions, then she asks if they want to see. If Victoria makes it to final two, she might just reveal her hair to the jury.

She is also worried about what to wear on finale night. BB has all her nice clothes, and she is really getting ticked off about it. This girl has complained after every single nomination, comp, and ceremony, all season. Even when she was absolutely safe, she would complain or worry. Right after Caleb was evicted she started complaining about her clothes. You are in the final three!!! Stop complaining!

So now we wait for part two of the HOH comp. And then we will wait for the finale. There is a lot to be revealed on finale night. How will the hgs respond to the Team America twist? How will Team America feel about failing a mission they thought they nailed? 

And if Derrick wins, what kind of crazy riot will erupt when Julie tells them that Derrick won an extra $50,000?  I can picture them all now, counting on their fingers how much money Derrick won! This should be a lot of fun. But Frankie will have to be part of this reveal, damn it.  He will have one more opportunity to be the star of the show. Ugh! 

It will be fun when Donny's secret identity as a groundskeeper is revealed! I hope we have a close up of Caleb and Frankie when they discover that Donny got an acting gig!!! And then we have America's Favorite Player! If the planets are aligned in our favor, either Zach or Donny will win this coveted award. And that close up of Frankie, when he realizes that he hasn't won AFP, will be the icing on the cake of my BB16 finale! 

                                               Have a Dorky Day!

I

We Made It To The Final Four!!

Remember that guy who was on BB16?  That little weasel who tried to use his celebrity sister, and some charity, to win the game?  He was a real camera hog, always singing and dancing and doing stupid stuff to get attention? He was such a diva. I think he had pink hair, or maybe it was blue?  And CBS kissed his glittery butt? And Julie acted like a silly fangirl when he was finally evicted? I just can't remember his name. Oh, never mind, it doesn't really matter.

So, here we are at the final four! I can't believe we made it this far. Only one more week to go! Derrick is the new HOH. Caleb and Victoria are on the block. Cody won the veto.  It's looking like Caleb will be going to jury. Things could change, but I think that Derrick will make sure that Caleb goes. He's tricky that way!

Caleb is most definitely nervousing.  Doing a lot of pacing. Looking very serious. Dreaming up killer speeches for the veto ceremony. He is looking worried, and a wee bit sad.

I have to say that I will be a wee bit sad if Caleb doesn't make it to final three. He has provided us with endless hours of entertainment. The first few weeks of Caleb feeds were awesome! He came up with one delusion after another, and each delusional episode required a new ridiculous costume. And he made a pickle banana!

He channeled all the scariest BB stalkers into one epic StalkMance. He gave us hours and hours of creepy stalker Amber love scenarios. Endless hours. Painful hours. Days and days of hours and hours of obsessing about Amber.

Ok, now that I have walked down memory lane with BeastMode Cowboy, I might not be too sad if he doesn't make it to final three. It might be a relief.

But then we would be left with Victoria. Yes, it's fun to wish for a crazy win for Victoria, just to show the bros a thing or two. But at least Caleb was playing the game. Of course, he did have to learn the game first, since he had no idea how BB works. Victoria seemed completely oblivious to the game for most of the season. Victoria in the final three would be a hoot for sure.  It might just happen.

She is convinced she will win the endurance part of the final HOH. No doubt. Guaranteed. She told Derrick she is going to crush it. End of story. They talk about the first endurance comp, the first HOH.  She tells him that she would have won that comp if it wasn't for her extensions. Turns out the extensions weighed ten pounds after they were sprayed with all that goop. And every time the log turned her upside down, they would hang down and really hurt her head  Her extensions caused her so much pain that she had to drop.

Those extensions have caused her so much trouble and worry. Last night, before she washed her hair up in the HOH shower, she told Derrick all about her hair. Well, she didn't tell him why her hair fell out, that part is still a mystery. But she did explain how traumatized she was when it happened. She is still so ashamed and mortified that I can't even make fun of her.That's kind of how it's been all season. She is so odd, so ditzy, so bad at this game, and yet I kind of like her for making it this far in spite of herself.
9/17  2:45 a.m. cam 1

Here she is in the final four, and she is still so worried that the hgs know she wears extensions, that they might see her without them. After her shower she shows Derrick her real hair. She lets him touch it. Brave little princess. Maybe she needs to go to the jury house now, so she can have some privacy to get her hair ready for the finale. Run away little princess, run while you can.
9/17  3:19 a.m. cam 1

I can't wait for tonight's show, and then the endurance comp we have all been waiting for. I hope and pray that BB lets us see the rest of the comp on the feeds. It better be the endurance comp to beat all endurance comps. We deserve it. We made it to the final four! We survived!!! Live feeders FTW!

                                             Have a Dorky Day!

It's Craft Activity Day at BB16 Summer Camp!

Big Brother gave the hgs alcohol last night, and Victoria drank almost a whole bottle of wine. She was a bit tipsy to say the least. Derrick kept telling her to stop, but she kept right on drinking. She got all flirty, and giggly, and seriously annoying. She kept smiling at Derrick. She followed him around just like the old days. She obviously forgot every last bit of her secret agent training. At one point she could barely keep her eyes open, but she would not go to sleep until the guys went to sleep.

After she spent almost an hour telling Caleb how wonderful he is, Caleb returned the favor in that special BeastMode way he has:

Victoria: Love you Caleb
Caleb: Love you too.
   (insert extremely long awkward hug here)
Caleb: You done good. Not gonna say you are the best competitor.....
Victoria: Well, I have done good socially. I never stirred up anything, I stayed loyal
Caleb: Yep! You have done exactly all you needed to do. (which is his way of saying she has done absolutely nothing)
Victoria: Aww, thanks Caleb

While this was going on upstairs, Cody and Derrick were having their own very strange convo downstairs. First they swore to never, ever, nominate each other when they get to final four. They repeat this promise to each other several times. And then they decide that it might just be better to nominate each other after all!

This will make Caleb feel all comfy cozy with them, just in case he wins the veto. Maybe they are the ones who drank all the wine last night, because nowhere in this convo do they seem to remember that Caleb would be the only one voting in this scenario. Another no fail plan by the rag tag remnants of the Best-Worst-Alliance-Ever!

They all finally go to bed, but Derrick, Frankie, and Victoria are all up about an hour later because they can't sleep. It's cereal time! What would BB be without cereal, chips, chomping mouths , and smacking lips? Frankie takes his cereal outside and chomp-smacks away as he performs for the live feeders.

Then he tells us what he will do after BB. The life of a social media mogul-o-maniac superstar of Big Brother is rough on the body. Turns out he has a long list of doctors he plans to see ASAP. He tells his mom to start making appointments, STAT!!

• Dermatologist is his first stop.
• Podiatrist, for his left ankle and foot, which he says he injured in a comp
• Dentist, as he rolls his tongue around inside his mouth
• Orthopedic surgeon, for his back. His eyes go a little dreamy as he imagines the dire diagnosis 
• Complete blood work-up, to check his mercury levels from all the tuna he's been eating. His eyes are still a little dreamy, because blood work might reveal he has all kinds of parasites and poisons from the horrid conditions under which he has been forced to live for three months
• General Doctor, to catch anything the specialists might have missed
• Ear, Nose, & Throat Doctor, because, OMG, because of everything.
• And he needs to get his whole body waxed!!!

His mom is going to be pretty busy. Between making all these appointments, her twitter wars, and trying to get all those Ariana tween fans to stop tweeting and actually vote for Frankie to win America's Favorite Player, she has such a lot to do!

A little later Derrick is trying to talk some game sense into a still tipsy Victoria. He gets so frustrated that he almost slips and tells her he's a cop! Left alone after the convo, he tells us that was a very close call. He almost blew his entire game! He seems pretty shook up.

Well, they are all gonna be shook up today! The Fabulous Frankie Eviction should take place this afternoon!!! The hgs have been promised an activity day. This means BB will tape them doing something crafty while they pretend it's night time, to fool the BBAD viewers. BB is tricky that way!

As I write this, the hgs have awakened to discover tie dye kits in the storage room. They are mostly underwhelmed. Caleb is still listening for the doorbell, hoping for a celebrity with a diesel truck full of cash to walk in the door. They still have no idea about today's eviction as the feeds go down and we get those stupid Jeff videos.

Most likely the feeds will be down until after Tuesday's, or maybe even Wednesday's show. Typically, this is your chance to get some housework done, visit with friends you haven't seen all season, and stock up on snacks for this weeks episodes.  But you are all busy watching Utopia live feeds, so I fear there is no hope for you getting anything done before the eviction show.

Well, I for one have resisted all urges to sign up for my Utopia passport, free or paid. I just don't trust Fox with my personal info. I am Fox-phobic. And I can't get any of the other free Utopia feeds sites to work. So I guess it's up to me. There will be no dorky blog tomorrow. I'll be too busy slipping flat snack foods under your doors so you don't starve to death under Hex's new Anarchy regime!

                                      Have a Dorky Day!
 

Production Has Left The Building!

What can I say? I have no words. Well, I have words, but they are not suitable for print. Suffice it to say I am quite cranky this morning. Cranky to the max. But that's old news. That's just a replay of how I felt last week. I'm on a cranky rewind.

Caleb won the HOH comp. The rewind HOH comp. The comp they have already played once. That we've already seen before. The comp that they didn't let us see the winner of on the show, again. The comp that maybe Frankie threw this time.

I can't decide on that one. Did he throw it to make sure he would be able to play in the next HOH?  I sure won't suggest this to Caleb, because he get's all crazy eyed about it. He crushed that comp! He is so great, and awesome, and crushing! No way Frankie threw that comp! Caleb crushed him! Lot's of crushing talk last night.

Derrick is now working double, triple, undercover overtime to keep his butt off the block. Victoria is working undercover too! Derrick has convinced her that she might be safe from leaving this week if they keep up the act.

Victoria is positively beaming when they talk about their secret mission. I love seeing her so happy to be finally playing the game. But I get all worried whenever they talk now. What if someone watching the HOH spy screen sees her smiling and talking with Derrick?  What if her cover is blown?

Meanwhile, they take a break from worrying about noms to study for the veto comp. The comp they already played once! Aaaarghhh! This rewind twist is so infuriating! Why did they do this stupid rewind?  Why, why, why??? Has production left the building? Or maybe production has been taken hostage, leaving the interns to run the show?  Did Allison Grodner just forget we already did this, or is she truly evil?

Let's just get this week over with!  But first, Julie wants us to vote on tarantulas? For another show? WTF?? I vote for lots and lots of hairy tarantulas.

But why should Julie have all the fun? I think all of production should join her. Let's punish them for dreaming up this ridiculous week of rewinds.  I say we throw them all in a giant box, with tarantulas and all sorts of nasty creepy crawlies, while wearing shock unitards, in between chum baths, after we shave their heads!  I could rewind that all the day long!

                                                   Have a Dorky Day!

CBS Stops BB16 Dead In It's Tracks!

Victoria was full of surprises yesterday. First we discover that Victoria is afraid of every animal on the planet except for Izzy the dog. She was lovin' on that dog! Izzy was pretty much irresistible. The guys all fell in love with that dog right away. So did the live feeders. For a few hours, the Zach birthday tweets tapered off, and the Izzy pics were trending in our own little BB corner of the world.

Then Izzy left, and we got back to this sad business of boring feeds. Victoria spiced it up for us when she finally talked to Frankie up in the HOH. Derrick had already set things up with the guys by telling them that Victoria was not speaking to him. Victoria didn't even ask Derrick if she could do his laundry!  All the guys noticed this. Things must be serious if she ain't doing his laundry!!!

Victoria did a great job with the Frankie talk. She didn't go overboard or get all dramatic. She cried just enough, at the right times, to convince him she was telling the truth.  Frankie seemed to be taking care not to throw Derrick under the bus as he tried to comfort her.  And Victoria's presentation was consistent with how she has been acting the whole game.  I think her mission was a success!

Later on Frankie told Derrick almost everything Victoria said. The guys now believe that Derrick has no chance of getting Victoria's vote if he makes it to final two. I think she deserves $5,000 for a successful task, don't you?

BB gave them a few beers and a teeny, tiny, bottle of wine. Victoria plans to act a little tipsy when she drinks that wine. She will then implement part two of her plan. I'm calling it her plan now, because she is definitely using her own strategy here. She'll talk more about how the jury hates Derrick. Then she'll begin to hint that she thinks Caleb is playing a good, clean, honest, trustworthy game. He deserves to win! He is so loyal! He is BeastMode!

This is all designed to convince Frankie and Cody that they shouldn't be taking Caleb anywhere near the final two.  But they all go to bed early, so she doesn't get much done in this department. She and Derrick sneak in a few secret talks before going to  sleep. She smiles her happy princess smile as she fills him in on what she has been up to. Victoria is really loving this whole Save Derrick plan.

Meanwhile, I am kind of cranky as I get myself ready for bed. All this Gold Button Rewind business has made for boring feeds and boring episodes.  As far as this week goes, Victoria might be doing the only thing that really matters. And tonight we don't even get an eviction!. At least not as far as I can figure things out.

All week long I have been fantasizing about the possibility of Frankie being evicted tonight! This is what has kept me going! It gave me hope! A reason to live!

But, once again, Julie smashes my dreams to smithereens! She told us right after Christine's eviction that if that damn gold button was pushed there would be no eviction tonight. She said the game will stop dead in it's tracks. WTF? No eviction? Can this be true?

I missed it. No matter how hard I try to listen to Julie, I always miss the most important thing she is saying. So I missed it when Julie told us that CBS is doing it's twisted best to ruin the last few weeks of this season even more with this stupid gold button rewind.

Oh well,  If BB wants to stop this game dead in it's tracks, who am I to argue? I'll just mosey on over to Utopia and see what kind of trouble Bella is causing already this morning. Then I'll watch me some CBBUK, and BBAU, and try to think some happy thoughts.

But I will still be cranky, no matter how much fun I might be having in other reality lands. I love BBUS. I stick it out every season. I'm still there when live feeders and bloggers don't even bother to check in on the live feeds, when they even stop watching the shows. One of my fave bloggers is so over this season he is boycotting the shows. He is writing brilliant recaps of the shows he won't be watching, before they air, and he nails it every time!

But I hang on to the very end. You'll find me tied to the twisted tracks of this most useless final five week ever.  I am a BBUS die hard.  And this season I am dying hard for sure.

                                                       Have a Dorky Day!

Fake Fight! Fake Fight!

Today BB will surprise the house guests with a dog. A dog for a day. America had the choice to vote in a bunny or a dog. Seriously. A dog for a day! I'm sure this will make for positively riveting live feeds. It has nothing to do with the game, but who cares about game anymore?  Look at the cute doggie!

Maybe it's a therapy dog, and Victoria will learn to love animals. She is gonna freak the fook out when they find that dog in the house. She's deathly afraid of dogs, and cats, and squirrels, and crows. Especially crows.

Plus, Victoria has other things on her mind today. Very important things. Last night she and Derrick came up with a plan to help Derrick stay in the game after Victoria leaves. Well, it's really Derrick's plan. He got a little worried earlier, when Caleb told him that Frankie said Derrick will have lots of jury votes because he is a family man. That's when Derrick started working on a plan.  Then he worked his magic on Victoria, and she thinks they came up with it together. Derrick is tricky that way.

Victoria will act like she is mad at Derrick because he told her he wouldn't be voting to keep her. She'll tell Frankie that she is so mad at Derrick for working with the guys that she will not vote for him if he is in the final two.  She will fake cry, and tell Frankie that Nicole told her that the jury hates Derrick. All of this is to convince Frankie that Derrick is not a threat, that he has no jury votes.  She will lie, and cry, and Frankie will believe her.

Fake fight!! Fake Fight!! Derrick tells her to go for it. He tells her that she can can be as nasty as she likes. He tells her how impressed he is that she can fake cry. The more they talk about this plan, the happier Victoria is. She is loving this!

The best part is that when she votes for Derrick to win, she will get to tell Frankie that this was all a lie! She will smash his dreams on national television!  And Derrick will win! And it will be because of Victoria! She is so excited that she wants to start right now!!!

Derrick thinks maybe they should do it later. They decide to start either this morning, or around 5:00 pm. And then, on Wednesday, if the gold button changes things, and Victoria stays, they will pretend to make up. He coaches her on what to say. She can say all kinds of bad things about him, that's cool. She says she knows exactly how to do this. She is sure that she can pull this off. She is so happy about this plan that she completely forgets that she will soon be voted out.

Fake fights in Big Brother rarely work. They usually involve a fake confrontation. And the fake fight always looks pretty much like a fake fight. It's all up to Victoria now. I hope she can do it. I don't really think that Derrick needs her help to stay. I just want to see Victoria trick Frankie with her fake fighting skills. You go girl!

Derrick takes a moment to tell the live feeders that he is taking a page out of Dan's play book, comparing this fake fight to Dan's funeral. Derrick, you are nothing like Dan. Dan worked his magic with three or four key words and a lot of listening. You need a thousand words, repeated over and over, to get things done. Dan sprayed a mind control mist, you wield a brain washing fire hose.

So, that's the plan. Fake fight and dog-for-a-day. Will Victoria be so freaked out about the dog that she forgets her lines? Or will she use her fear of all living creatures to give us the best fake fight we've ever seen?  Fake Fight FTW!!!

                                                 Have a Dorky Day!

Rewinds, Rat Patrols, And Cowtopia Sex! Oh My!

While everyone else was over in Utopia watching some night vision hanky panky, I was waiting for the results of the Veto comp.  I'm guessing that BB production got the memo about two Utopians having sex in the cow shed, because they turned on the feeds while the hgs were still locked in separate rooms, waiting for the timed comp to be over.

Sorry Big Brother, Victoria locked in the storage room can't compete with a cow cam and sexy, slurping, sound effects. I was pretty much the only one in chat still watching BB feeds.

Caleb is locked in the hive room, shouting out hashtags about being American. He is a Made In America BeastMode Cowboy! Then he starts rambling about tailgate parties and celebrating America.  This turns into a public service announcement about nose picking. "Don't be diggin' in yer nose!" Caleb, Caleb, Caleb! What in the world are you auditioning for now?

Derrick is pacing in the fire room. He is nervousing big time. Victoria is in the storage room with all that food, and so many mirrors! She is foraging, nibbling, and looking in the mirror every 5 seconds. Derrick is pacing like a madman, and Victoria is just sitting around reading labels. The only thing she seems worried about is how she looks while reading labels. Not a BB care in the world.

Frankie is locked up in the HOH room making sure the cameras are following his every move. He is performing his I-Am-So-Fabulous-I-Build-Schools-In-Africa monologue. We have about 5 minutes of this nonsense before an intern tears himself away from watching the Utopia cow/sex cam long enough to switch us back to stupid Jeff videos.

The feeds come back, and of course, Frankie won the Veto. He won it for his boys! To keep his boys safe! He is carrying these boys to the final four! He's won so many comps he can't even count them anymore! He is such a huge target now!  But it's all for his boys!  Frankie leaps, and twirls, and sings about his boys!

Meanwhile, Derrick, Caleb, and Cody are all busy counting Frankie's wins, while trying to remember when The-Best-Worst-Alliance-Ever changed it's name to Frankie's Boys.

Derrick and Frankie have a quick Team America meeting in the bathroom. Once again, they figure out a way to do the task in the most half-assed way possible. The task is to wear down the competition by convincing everyone there's a rodent in the house and keep them up all night trying to catch it.

That sounds like an all night task to me. I'm America!  I'm in this alliance too! So are you! If you were the least bit interested in this stupid task, wouldn't you want crazy Rat Patrol antics all night long?  Does Team America care a damn about America? Nope!

At 12:38 they decide that that they will just keep everyone awake playing pool. Then at 3:00 they will start the Rat Patrol. They will only have to keep it up till 6:00. Derrick wants to start at 2:00, making sure it's long enough. Frankie says no, 3:00 is fine, well within the parameters of the task. Team America has officially turned an all night task into a three hour let's-fool-production-and-America con job.

The Rat Patrol is amusing for a little while. Cody up on a chair is hilarious. Caleb is a fearless rat hunter who would have torn that kitchen apart if Derrick didn't get him busy making mouse traps. Victoria just screamed a lot. By 6:00 Team America is confident that they gave BB enough rat related shenanigans to win the task. None of the other hgs seem to question why, all of a sudden, it's okay to call off the rat patrol and go to bed.

So, Frankie's Veto win means nothing. The Gold Button Rewind makes it null and void, along with his noms, and his HOH win. This makes me a wee bit happy.  But it makes me wonder if that golden button truly rewinds everything.

Does the rewind also work on the TA task? Snatching the $5000 right from their hands? Making us shout with glee at another overwhelming fail? Yes. please!

                                                   Have a Dorky Day!

Boo! Hiss! Hooray!!!

Christine walked out of the BB house and the audience booed her loud and clear! It was awesome! I loved it! I've never heard a BB audience boo like that.  I have wanted them to boo plenty of times, but BB runs that audience with an iron fist. The live audience response is as scripted as most of the drs we've been seeing lately. Last night the boos for Christine were music to my ears.

Christine was just so mean! She griped about everything, all the time. She hated everyone! She loved to talk about how much she hated people. She would sit there on the bed, holding a Bible in her lap, and just randomly announce that she hated someone.

Last night I didn't even feel the least bit guilty that those boos made me so happy. And I didn't feel bad for her at all. Christine seems like the kind of person that would have jumped at the chance to be in that audience, booing her most hated house guest. And she would have sneaked in a few hisses, just because!

Those boos really had the other hgs freaked the fook out!  They seemed totally confused, and upset, to hear the audience respond so negatively. They were ready to hide underneath the beds and never, ever, leave the Big Brother house.

But Frankie took control, and shared his theory about those boos. He is certain that she talked trash about his sister in the diary room! And his fans didn't like that one bit. There is absolutely no other explanation. She trashed his family and the fans have spoken.

He said this over and over again throughout the night. He insists that she hated the fact that he is a Grande, that his sister is a superstar Grande, and that his last name is Grande. And it's obvious to him that she trashed the Grande name in the diary room. He plans to say his last name a hundred times in his goodbye message to her. Grande, Grande, Grande!  Frankie is suffering from a Grande delusion about those boos, and there is no telling him otherwise.

Ok, moving right along, we then have some minor freaking out about the gold button. Derrick seems the most upset by its presence. He is still in shock from having won the shortest HOH comp in the history of Big Brother.  That gold button is pushing his panic buttons.

Caleb knows all about the gold button. He describes, in detail, how the button will bring him a recording contract, a trip to Hawaii, and large cash prizes.  Frankie takes control again, and gives a little speech about gold buttons, and how they work in Big Brother. Then he brags some more about how fabulous he is for winning that veto! Did you see him win? Did you see how he won? Did you know he won? Did you know he is fabulous, and that he won the veto?  He is just so damn fabulous!

Some time passes, the feeds go down, and when they return, Voila! Frankie has won the second HOH comp.  The gold button has a sign that says it's their choice, all it takes is one push.  Frankie wants to push it! Please, please, please, let's push it! And moments later, they do it! A countdown clock shows us that the zero hour is Wednesday night.

We know that the gold button pushing resulted in a rewind. At the zero hour, live voting will stop and the game will rewind, dethroning Frankie and pulling his noms off the block. Then the week will be replayed, starting with a new HOH comp. The only mystery that remains is whether Derrick will be eligible to play in that comp.

We know all this twisted gold button info, but the hgs still know nothing. Lots of speculation and paranoia about that button. It looks like Victoria and Cody will be the noms. Will this week be a big waste, since everything will be flipped come eviction night? Or will it be great fun to watch Frankie scheme and plan and manipulate all for nothing? Will Frankie's ego take on a life of it's own? Will Caleb, Cody, and Frankie practice a Chippendales review in front of those damn mirrors?

And let's not forget the most important detail of all. Victoria is the last woman standing in BB16! You go girl! Victoria FTW!!!

                                       Have a Dorky Day!

Derrick! Stop That!!!

Wouldn't it be great if we were all excited about tonight? Double eviction! Woohoo!

If only Derrick hadn't sucked all the fun out of this season. His game play leaves no room for fun. It's all work, work, work. Derrick works double-triple-overtime. Undercover, incognito, very hush-hush. Stealth-mode to the max.

Boring. Monotonous.Tedious. Irksome. Humdrum.

So uninteresting as to cause mental weariness.

Quoting the dictionary or thesaurus is the last resort of a mentally weary writer.  But it's so perfect for today that I'm gonna run with it.

Boring implies feelings of listlessness and discontent.

     Yes. We have all been feeling a bit listless lately.  And I, for one, was not feeling content as I watched Derrick bring Nicole to tears yesterday. She told him that as far as she can figure out, there must be a large alliance running the house.  She then implied that he must be in this alliance.  He proceeded to make her feel like a horrible person for even thinking such a thing.

He told her that when she watches this season, she will feel really dumb for saying this. She crumbled as soon as he used the word dumb.  Her biggest fear the entire season has been that she would be seen as being either dumb or mean. She spent the next hour crying apologies to him. Then, she promised him her vote, and sat down to help him study!

Once again, Derrick turns it around to his advantage. And it should have been exciting to watch. Derrick is playing a great game. He is quite gifted at hypnotizing these dodo-heads into doing exactly what he wants them to do. But he is doing it so well that it pretty much ruins the game for us feed watchers.  Derrick has wrung all of the magic out of watching him work his magic. It just makes us cranky.

What is monotonous bores because of lack of variety.

     Well, that about sums it up! Derrick is a one man Anti-Variety Squad.  He patrols 24/7 and seeks out the smallest bit of game changing talk and squashes it like a bug.  We like the house to flip! We love things to turn on a dime!  We want a power shift!  Nope. Not on his watch!

Tedious suggests dull slowness or long windedness.

     Exactly! It used to be fun to watch Derrick make a hg feel like it was their idea to do whatever he needed them to do.  But now it takes him even longer to get results. Talk talk talk talk talk!!! He eventually get's the job done.  But for us, the thrill is gone.

Irksome describes what is demanding of time and effort and yet is dull and often unrewarding.

    Translated into BB lingo: "Man, I can't even watch the feeds anymore, it hurts my head! Derrick is pissing me off!  He has the game so tied up it's not worth watching!"

I want to hope that tonight's double eviction will be so awesome that we all stay up the whole night watching amazing feeds! And if no one has the guts to get Frankie out, I'm sort of hoping Frankie tries to get Derrick out. You know things are bad when you want Frankie to win HOH!

Derrick's game is just so boring, monotonous, tedious, irksome, and humdrum that I would be happy with any excitement at all. Maybe a week of Frankie being a full blown egomaniacal prima donna HOH is just what we need right now. Gawd help us all. Amen.

                                            Have a Dorky Day!

This post was brought to you by thefreedictionary.com , which is where I will be browsing instead of watching the feeds today

I Want A Banner Plane And I Want It Now!!!

The feeds were more of the same yesterday. Mostly boring, with plenty of lying and butt kissing. They are all trying to set themselves up for safety for a double eviction on Thursday night.  It's impossible to tell whether they are lying or truthing. And do we really care? Let's just go directly to the double eviction and get this season over with already!!

Caleb isn't kissing much butt. His strategy seems to be "Let me tell you what a BB beast I am and then we'll talk some game."  His ego knows no bounds. Yesterday, when he did his HOH blog and tweets, BB gave him a few fan questions to answer. One fan asked what kind of girl he likes. Caleb now believes that BB is his personal dating service.

He is convinced that his answer to this question will bring him thousands of "applicants" to fill the position of girlfriend.  He imagines they will pay $500 for a chance to date him.  He got so excited as he told the guys about this that he had to run to the dr to make sure they were clear on the job description: "Don't love me for my looks, or my truck, just give me $500 and we'll get along real good!"

Victoria has refused to kiss any butt. Derrick tells her to stop spending so much time with Nicole.  He explains that Nicole can't do anything for her game. Victoria needs to be talking to Cody and Frankie and Christine! Victoria say NO!  She doesn't want to. She won't do it! Not one single butt will be kissed by her princess lips!

This is what you end up with if you carry someone through the game. When it finally comes down to it, Derrick has spent endless hours managing Victoria's moods. It's hard, thankless work. And here they are, on double eviction eve, and she finally says NO! What is a master manipulator to do?

Let's see...hmm..anything else happen lately?  Hmmm..Christine told Frankie about coffee enemas and he got a faraway look in his eyes. No..that's not it....hmmm. Oh yeah, I remember now!

A BANNER PLANE FLEW OVER THE HOUSE!!! Yes! Well, allegedly.  We had a long indoor lock down and there were many reports of a banner plane flying over the area. "FRANKIE & DERRICK R THE SABOTEURS" was the alleged message.  If the hgs saw it they aren't telling. And we sure didn't see it. Dammit!

I love the banner plane. I think it's so wild that a fan would spend that kind of money to fly a message over the house! I thrill at the potential for creating paranoia and panic. A shout over the wall is one thing. Those are free. But a plane costs some dollars, takes some commitment. A banner plane is hard to dismiss as poppycock, the way they've  been doing with the shouts. Caleb would take one look at that message and say "I been in the military, and that there banner plane ain't no poppycock!"

I wonder what it's like for people in the neighborhood.  If they don't know diddly about BB, what are they thinking when they see that message fly across the sky? Maybe they have a boss named Derrick! Or a boyfriend named Frankie!  Maybe they are googling "saboteur" and changing their locks right now! I think about the pilot. Is this a risky business?  Will the men in black soon be paying him/her a visit?  Will the pilot give up his client when Julie says "I need an answer now!"?

The thought of this alleged banner plane amused and entertained me for hours.  I imagined myself chartering a banner plane to fly over the BB house. My message? "FRANKIE IS REALLY 31 YEARS OLD!" It might not change the game, but it would really piss Frankie off!  It's a sad day when my imaginary BB life is more fun than my real one.

                                                    Have a Dorky Day!

Even Alcohol Can't Save This Season!

Another mostly boring day of feeds. Frankie did not get picked to play in the POV comp, and this really pissed him off. He was absolutely livid! That was actually kind of fun to watch. He's been complaining all season about never getting picked for POV. Yesterday he kept saying that from here on in he is guaranteed to play.  He said this a zillion, trillion, times! Was anybody listening? Nope!

They missed his secret coded message: "This is your last chance to backdoor me you silly people!" They just skipped right over that, and started whining about Victoria getting to play in this veto comp. They hate her lack of game play with a passion! A passion that blinds them to a big game move opportunity. Such a silly bunch of dodo heads!

Meanwhile, Christine wins the veto!  This gives them the perfect chance to get Frankie out! It might be their last shot! Do they realize this? I don't think so. They talk about how paranoid he is. They list how he has thrown each of them under the bus. They think he can win just about any kind of comp. They all agree that he will probably turn on them as soon as he has the chance.

And then....and then.... they decide that Victoria should still go up as the replacement nom!  Wow! What a genius plan!  More thrilling game strategy brought to you by The-Best-Worst-Dodo-Head-Alliance-Ever!

Caleb is all about getting his alliance to final five. It doesn't seem to matter that this plan might ruin his game. Caleb wants to make BB history. He thinks getting them to final five will make them famous beyond his wildest dreams. Parades, limousines, recording contracts, and Oscar nominations all seem to hinge on this alliance making it to the final five.

Earlier, Caleb and Cody had made big plans for a night of drinking. I think they had leftover booze from the night before. As they were looking forward to their drunken evening, Frankie caused a twitter uproar by making a horrid suggestion concerning Victoria. I won't repeat it, but it was very crude and thoughtless. Frankie is showing his true nasty self more every day. I turned off the feeds at this point, I had to take a break and think happy thoughts.
8/30 2:21 pm cam 3/4

I tune in later in the evening and Cody is wearing a dinosaur costume as a punishment for being the first one out of the veto comp. Caleb, Cody, and Victoria are the only ones drinking. BB gives them another booze delivery and they all get pretty wasted. Caleb is so loaded he fell down the stairs. It looked like a pretty bad fall, but he's okay. Cody and Caleb have a drunken convo about a final three deal of Caleb/Cody/ Derrick. Outside in the hammock, Derrick listens to Frankie pitch a final three deal of Frankie/ Caleb/Derrick.

So here we are in the BB house with a booze delivery, a dino costume, final three deals left and right, and it's just no fun. They get more alcohol and I decide to go to bed? That's just crazy talk! Not a good sign when even a booze delivery can't save the night.

                                                 Have a Dorky Day!

These Feeds Are No Fun!!

First of all, congratulations to all the voters on a job well done! Team America's last task was an overwhelming fail! How about them apples, Frankie?  No apple pie for you!

Frankie is still raging about this fail. He says that people just aren't ready for a guy in drag on BB. Frankie, dahling, we have guys in drag on every single season of Big Brother. It's a basic staple of BB.  Did you read your contract? I'm pretty sure it's in there. "When you get bored to tears in the house, one or more male cast members are required to dress up in drag."

Frankie has decided that he no longer has to play a "nice" game. This fail has given him permission to unleash his true nasty self. He doesn't care if he has haters! He is a famous superstar! People just hate him because he is so famous!  He no longer cares what America thinks of him. He is weary of trying to please us. He. Is. Over. It!

Frankie, sweetie-dahling, we are over you!  I keep switching cams every time you enter a room. I don't even want to turn the feeds on today, because I can't stand listening to you anymore. I might turn them on after the POV comp. Maybe, if Nicole wins POV, I won't mind watching your hissy fit reaction to another major fail.

Not much happening on the feeds anyway. Caleb as HOH is a big yawn so far. As agreed upon by the Best-Worst-Big-Bunch-Of-Meanies-Alliance-Ever, Caleb put Nicole on slop. He asked them all "Who has not been on slop at least twice?"  Nobody spoke up. Well, Christine kinda pointed at Frankie, but Caleb wouldn't look at her.

Frankie has only done it once. But he can't be expected to be a Have Not again! He is a superstar! Pick Nicole! Nicole had gourmet meals prepared by five star chefs in the jury house! Hayden fed her caviar and champagne breakfasts every day! Pick Nicole! We want her weak and weary for the POV comp!

Derrick volunteered to be a Have Not. He said it was because he went for the $5,000 in the HOH comp. I suspect it was more strategic. This gives him plenty of time alone with Nicole in the Have Not room.  If she wins POV, he can keep on her good side for next week. If she loses, he can work on securing her jury vote. Derrick is tricky that way.

Aside from Nicole winning the POV, the only potential for exciting feeds this week is that the hgs have noticed that there are a lot of missing condoms. They are all getting curious.  Frankie brings it up daily. I haven't heard anything from the night vision cam patrol about any hank panky. Have you?

Early in the season we had the the mystery of the missing condoms. The girls were pranking with condom water balloons and discovered 3 condoms were missing from the box. We haven't heard a peep about condoms since then.

Remember back then?  At the beginning of our newbie season?  When berzerker hgs roamed the house wreaking havoc?  When a StalkMance could entertain us for hours?  When Zach would finally wake up and set the monkeys loose? Back when the feeds were fun, and life was worth living?  I fear those days are gone forever.

                                                         Have a Dorky Day!

Curious about the condoms? See my July 9 post: The Mystery Of The Missing Condoms

Game Talk Of The Flippity-Floppity Variety

You know the feeds are getting good when you start screaming "Listen to Caleb, he is absolutely right! You gotta listen to Caleb!"  All of a sudden he is the voice of reason, and we sit up and pay attention.  We spend so much time trying to avoid listening to him that it takes us by surprise every time.

About once a week Caleb's brain clears it's cache and cookies, and reboots to reveal a whole new Caleb. He has one rational thought after another.  He spots the flaws in the plan of the moment, and comes up with a simple solution that might just be the better move. He is very calm and patient when he shares this information with his alliance. Caleb just all of a sudden starts making sense.

Last night sensible Caleb tried to get the guys to keep Donny and evict Nicole. Frankie and Derrick were up for it, but only if Cody said yes. Cody said no. No! No! No! He wants Donny gone! The discussion goes on, and they all flip-flop back and forth, except for Cody. Cody only kinda, sorta, maybe, flips one time. Then he flops back into saying "No!".

If only Derrick had given his permission for game talk 6 days ago, we might have had a great week of feeds. Derrick nipped all the buds that could have blossomed into game talk the night Nicole came back into the house. Then he spent the week setting himself up just in case it ever came to this discussion. He let's Caleb and Cody do most of the talking. He pipes in now and then to clarify, or confuse, whichever is called for. He is prepared for whatever they decide.

Frankie is mostly quiet too. He really wants Nicole to go. He is trying  to play it cool, but it's obvious he is getting agitated. He and Derrick work together to let Caleb and Cody think that they are making this decision themselves.

Together in the HOH, they all say they will go with the group. Individually, to each other and to the cameras, they say they have to look out for themselves. Frankie acts really pissed, but pretends to be fine with whatever they decide. Derrick does his thing, and sets himself up to be the good guy no matter what the final decision is. Derrick is tricky that way.

Caleb's brain cache is now on overload and he is slipping back into BeastMode. "Whatever, dude! It don't matter who goes home! We are gonna win all the comps from here to infinity anyhow!" So it looks like Donny is still going home.

While all this flip-flopping was going on, Team America learned that Julie Chen will use a secret code to tell them if we voted for their most recent task to win or fail. During tonight's live show she will ask one of them what Have Not food they would most like to have next week. They will answer "Apple pie!". If they have succeeded, she will say "Wish granted."

If they have failed, she will say "Frankie and Derrick you suck, that stupid play sucked, and the whole Team America twist really, really sucks!!"

I was very tired when I finally went to bed last night, but I am pretty sure I got that last part right.  I am most likely suffering from BB Brain Mush. I better clear my brain cache and reboot.

                                                 Have A Dorky Day!

Team America Bombs On Broadway

BB Broadway was a bomb!  Frankie and Derrick were the only ones in costume. Well, Caleb might have been in costume with his bandanna cap. It's hard to tell with him, because he will take just about anything and wrap it around his head. He definitely was not in drag. Dang it all, that's the only reason I tuned in to watch!
8/24 9:00 p.m. all cams

I still don't get why Frankie kept calling it a Broadway play. It just looked like a regular night in the BB house. Peeps sitting around imitating former house guests. Nothing Broadway about that.

There were some funny moments, with everyone doing pretty poor imitations of evicted hgs. The girls had some fun with it. Derrick and Caleb were terrible.  Frankie was almost funny, but not quite. Donny was the star of the show! His impersonation of Devin was hilarious.! He nailed it!

Overall, it was a dreadful performance. It was mostly bearable, until Frankie did an encore. Then we had five long minutes of misery as Frankie took center stage.  He was in character as Consuela, who I think is supposed to be his Brazillan housekeeper.  It's one of his many characters that we have been subjected to all season.

He said this piece was from "the show", which would indicate he has previously performed this monologue for an audience.  Obviously, an audience of a completely different sort than the people in the room last night, because this audience just didn't get it. It made them very uncomfortable. 

And then, as it goes with most things on BB16, it got even more uncomfortable! Caleb got up and did a really, really, really, bad monologue. He was in character as some kind of psycho thug in the penitentiary.  It was awful!  The hgs just stared at him. Frankie's mouth was hanging open, and he was in shock.  This wasn't Caleb joining in the fun to have a few laughs. This was Caleb acting!

Once again, Caleb has chosen the absolute worst material to use in yet another discover-me-now live feeds audition. It was horrible! All about stabbings, and killings, and punchings, and all kinds of dreadful things. Derrick looked miserable, like he was kissing $5,000 goodbye in his mind.

Caleb switches characters mid sentence and becomes Tater, his hillbilly goofball character.  Tater is mildly amusing, and mostly offensive. But at least we aren't in prison with a crazy man anymore. Frankie starts prompting Tater with questions, trying to get control of the situation.  It's sort of funny for a few minutes, and then Frankie does something terrible.

He was asking Tater about his family, brothers, sisters, babies, etc. Tater's answers are confusing, and Frankie is trying to get Caleb to focus on the funny. And he asks Tater if his sisters have all of their limbs. WTF?  He is sitting in a room with Donny, whose brother has no arms! What kind of let's-have-fun-and-put-on-a-play question is that?

I can't believe that Frankie didn't realize what he was saying. His questions were slow and calculated. But why would he say that on purpose? It was just awful. Why would you say something like this in the middle of a stupid task that you know is airing on BBAD? Team America better not get any money for this task. It was a major fail.

I usually end the post with something humorous. Something light, to leave you feeling good about Big Brother, no matter what fresh nonsense is going on in the feeds. But today I just can't get it up. I'm feeling all cranky and grumbly about Frankie and Team America. I just wish that Caleb had come in drag. I think that BeastMode Drag Queen really could have saved the day!


                                           Have A Dorky Day!

Note: Donny's brother is missing one arm, and his other arm stops before the elbow with an incomplete hand.

Team America: The Broadway Show!

Nothing much happened on the feeds yesterday. Victoria fainted due to dehydration and pain from her wisdom teeth. She was whisked away to receive some IV treatment and is looking much better now. Cody won the POV comp. His alliance threw it to him in a great team effort to keep Donny on the block. This win could not have come at a better time. Just yesterday, Caleb revealed that Donny was the former head of the CIA! Donny is dangerous, and he needs to go!

The only other item of interest yesterday was the new Team America task. Donny told Frankie and Derrick that they had to make up their own mission, and then America will vote on whether it was a success or failure. This task must be completed before the Veto meeting on Monday. Donny suggests that they save someone from the block. Like maybe save him from the block. Because America would want them to stay together!

Oh Donny! This is so sad.  It was so very painful to watch. I suppose it's good that he is still fighting. But this idea is slammed down faster than any other input he has given them on the TA tasks. This idea also has twitter all a'flutter with people saying that Donny has created a fake task to save himself.

It's a weird task for sure. But I think Donny has more respect for the rules, and America, than to use production as a strategy.  Plus, they all talk to the dr about the missions, so it would be discovered as a fake soon enough. I think it's a real task.

Real or not, it will soon cause us all to suffer through an amped up Broadway version of Frankie, as the self appointed leader of this mission.

Frankie wants to put on a show! A Broadway show! And they can all impersonate other hgs! And Caleb can dress up in drag! And Frankie can write, direct, produce, and take all the credit for this task! And Ariana's fans will surely vote for them to win the money!

As I listen to Frankie and Derrick figure out the details for this mission, I am getting more cranky by the minute. This is not a mission! This is what hgs do on Big Brother every season!  They impersonate other hgs. They put on some kind of stupid fashion show, or wedding, or beauty pageant. And every year the guys dress up in drag.

It's what you do when you are on BB and you are bored out of your mind. It's what you do if you crave camera time, and want to show off your special talent for being obnoxious! Why should Team America earn $5,000 each for something the hgs do every year for free?

Well, I am sure that Frankie will explain to the cameras how this is the best show in the history of BB. He has timed it to take place during BBAD. He has mentioned his sister's fans enough to get her attention, so that she can command them to vote for TA to win the money. He has already ruined the next 24 hours of feeds for me, and they haven't even started rehearsing yet!

Frankie and Derrick want us to believe that this task is all about giving Donny another $5,000 before he leaves the house. Donny has become Team America's schools in Africa. My cranky meter is about to blow!!!

Oh well. Maybe I should just sit back and enjoy the show. I'm sure there will be some silliness while the hgs perfect their characters, and practice their dance moves. Caleb in drag could turn out to be his best costume for the day ever! BeastMode Drag Queen might just save the day!

                                                         Have a Dorky Day!

Caleb Is 150% Sure That Donny Is A Dadgum Genius!

Yesterday, Caleb gathered more intel on Donny, the most dangerous Big Brother player in all the land. Caleb has had Donny under surveillance for most of this season. It was Caleb who discovered that Donny was ex-military, just by looking at his hairless ankles. Donny claims the hairs were rubbed off by his tall socks. Caleb informed his alliance that hairless ankles are a sure sign that Donny is ex-military. Caleb was the first to blow Donny's cover. And he's been on the case ever since.

They all agree that Donny has been lying about his occupation. Hours upon hours have been spent speculating on his true identity. The speculation has reached a new frenzy now that there are only 8 players left. And yesterday, Caleb revealed startling new evidence against Donny. 

Are you ready for it? It's really big! Shocking! Conclusive! Mind blowing!

Donny ate a Sour Patch Kids candy! Caleb saw it! Caleb was there! And Donny said it reminded him of the good old days! And that right there proves he was in the military! Mind blowing! My mind is blown, isn't yours? My mind was so blown that I completely forgot to check the time on this convo, sorry about that.

Caleb told Cody and Derrick that in the army they give you MRE's, Meals Ready To Eat. And in the MRE packet there is always a piece of candy. A piece of sour candy! And Donny was sucking on that Sour Patch candy, saying how it reminded him of old times, and Caleb was right there when he said it! And when he said "old times" he looked right into Caleb's eyes, like he was telling him something! And Caleb knew, because Caleb is military too!

But wait! There's more! Later on, in the living room, Caleb reveals more proof of Donny's secret life as a military genius. Caleb was watching Donny earlier, and Donny was all fidgety, and his eyes, his eyes! Caleb saw Donny make squares with his eyes! Donny was looking at that square pattern up on the ceiling, and his eyes were making squares!!!

This proves that Donny is a genius! Because sometimes, when you are so genius, so smart, you have to be thinking even when you are not thinking!  And making squares with your eyes is a sure sign you are thinking and not thinking at the same time!!!

While Derrick and Cody are listening to this, you can see that they are thinking that Caleb is completely koo-koo! You can tell they are trying so hard not to laugh.  But they don't laugh! Nope! 

They are members of the Best-Worst -Alliance ever, and they act accordingly. They jump right in and list all the other signs that point to Donny being an evil genius military mastermind. The camouflage clothing, the early bedtime and early wake up, the use of large words, his use of medical terms, his beard, his eating habits, his cricket whistle, etc.

Caleb lays one more piece of evidence on them. It turns out that Donny has been using OCD as a cover to hide his military intelligence training. The way that Donny packs his drawers, and lines up his belongings on the nightstand, reveals that he is either  military intelligence or a weapons designer! This is actually old intel, but when you add this to the Sour Patch Kids evidence, it is obvious that Donny is a Secret Military Weapons Master!

8/22 4:48 p.m. cam 1-2

Caleb is going to stay on the case. His goal is to get Donny to confess everything. He already informed Donny that he was onto him. He told Donny "You are a genius, and you are making the rest of us look stupid!" And Donny didn't even deny it!  Did not deny it at all! He just said  "I appreciate that." So, there you go, he is 100% a dadgum genius! 

                                                          Have a Dorky Day!

Bye-Bye Zach, Hello Nicole! Frankie...Shut Up!!!

Okay..so...Zach left, Nicole came back, there was no endurance comp, Cody won HOH, and Frankie tried his best to make everything about him. Poop-a-doop!

Zach leaves the house with a sprinkle of Froot Loops and a whole lot of class. This is really hard on Frankie because he loves the guy, but he had to go with what the house wanted. Zach gets to have lots-o-fun in jury house, but Frankie has to live with this really difficult, heartbreaking thing he had to do. It's so hard to be Frankie right now.

Nicole wins her way back into the game, and she tells Frankie his sister was in the audience on double eviction night! It's so great you are back in the house Nicole, but tell me more about my sister! And Nicole saw my sister's billboard!  I mean, My Sister! She has a billboard!

The Bomb Squad has an emergency meeting and Derrick commands them all to never speak to Nicole behind closed doors. No one-on-one convos with Nicole allowed. Derrick is positively petrified that Nicole will try to defend herself against all the lies he and the Bomb Squad have told each other about her. After they all agree to this plan, Frankie leaves the room to give Nicole a smoochy hug, and tell her how happy he is that she is back. And now he wants to hear more about his sister's billboard!

And then, Cody wins the HOH. Frankie tells him they make such a great team! Frankie hosting, and Cody winning, that's teamwork!  Yay for Frankie!  Within minutes of the HOH reveal, Frankie shows up with his bags to move in for the week. Cody says please, please, can I just sleep alone for one night?  Is that okay Frankie? Don't be mad, please, please.  Ugh! And double ugh!

Nicole does manage to get some alone time with Cody. How did that happen? Where is the Bomb Squad special battalion of the Closed Door Patrol?  Slacking already!  Her talk with Cody does her no good whatsoever, but at least she tried.

The night devolved into a Donny and Nicole bash-fest. We had a brief intermission when Victoria was whining to Derrick about her Zings. She is worried that people think she is not playing the game. She is playing, playing hard! She cut up Zach's hat didn't she?  She doesn't want to disappoint production! Production? WTF??

He seemed really irritated by her whining. He had to talk her down while keeping an eye on all those closed doors. And where is Nicole? She could be unraveling his spool of lies this very minute! Derrick's paranoia is working triple overtime, and Victoria is getting on his last nerve.

It's gonna be a long week for feed watchers. We are hoping for a Pandora's box intervention. Visions of  the Diamond Power Of Veto dance in our head.  Can Nicole survive the week so that she can win the next HOH comp? Which, by the way, better be endurance, or live feeders everywhere will be turning off the live feeds forever! Will Donny find a Pop-Tarts coup d'etat next time he visits the diary room?  I hope so!

But if things keep going the way they are, and it looks like Donny is heading to the jury house, I sure hope he jumps right into the middle of the next Bomb Squad cuddle-fest and asks them all to play with his beard.

As Donny would say: If you can't beat them, do your best to freak them the hell out!

                                                               Have a Dorky Day!