It Takes A Village To Watch BB

With 16 house guests in the Big Brother house it is impossible for me to keep track of them. Plus I get distracted by all sorts of things. Yesterday I was obsessed with trying to figure out what's up with the stairs. They are hidden behind those stupid bars. Why can't we see the stairs? Is it part of a spiral staircase twisted twist? Is it because we saw Spencer's pee pee on the stairs last season? I actually started switching cams to get a better look at  the stairs last night. I need answers!!

Meanwhile, I missed everything else that was going on. But even when I am paying attention to the hg's, I miss a lot.  Like last night with Caleb and that stupid scarf.  WTF? Where did he get that and why is he wearing it ? Forget the stairs, that scarf is a game changer.

 Usually my chat friends can answer a question like that. There are a few chatters who never miss anything! They guide us through the muckety muck of  4 camera feeds, and lead us to the light. Sometimes it takes the whole room to figure out whats going on. Rewinds, link posts, and google searches by assorted chatters  can get to the bottom of most BB mysteries.

When things are really happening fast on the feeds and the action spreads through the house, my chat village implements the 2 or 4 camera plan.  We watch different cams and tell each other what's going down.  For long time BB chatters, this is just business as usual. But, to me, it's a wonder to behold. And I would be completely lost without their mad feed watching skills.

Last night the mystery of the scarf went unanswered. Caleb mirror checked that scarf all night. He tried a new way of wearing it every 15 minutes. He  already looked ridiculous enough in that weird tank top and those stupid shorts. The scarf was the icing on the cake of Caleb's creep factor. Yet nobody in chat had a clue about that scarfs origins.

But the BB village is vast and glorious. BB feeders will rewind till the cows come home to find 10 seconds of footage that answers the question at hand. Screenshots will be captured and released into the wild. BB bloggers will not rest until we know the truth of all things BB.There were other, more important game issues that needed tending  to last night. Will Caleb go berzerkers after Amber rejected him? Is Devin going to out the Bomb Squad as he self destructs? Will Nicole and Cody's flirtmance force Hayden to go naked 24/7? 

The BB  update bloggers cover all that and more. They give up all sense of normal life for 3 months every summer to keep us up to date. They are omnipotent, or is it omniscient? Whatever, they are gods to me. They see all, and more importantly tell all.  

I go to sleep fretting about that damn scarf.  I wake up to a clip that shows Caleb explaining that the scarf is one of Amber's dresses. WTF?   How did we  miss that?  Wow. That's the cherry on the creepy Caleb cake.  Eeeewwwww!  Without the BB village, I wouldn't have this seriously weird feeling right now about  Caleb, the special icky feeling that will come over me every time he is on camera today.

If BB bloggers all across the land didn't stay up all night, slaving away to get to the bottom of the scarf questions of the season, we would all be lost.  I love going to sleep knowing that all will be revealed tomorrow in my fave BB blogs. 

You won't find those answers on my blog though. I am a lazy bones BB blogger who is mostly lost the whole summer.  I leave the updates and recaps to the professionals.

                                                            Have a Dorky Day

Joey Van Pelt: BB16 Union President (and Sole Member)

Oh my goodness gracious! BB newbies are lovely and fine. But a newbie who knows nothing about the game can really dig her own grave all the way to China, can't she? Joey has a plan. A completely ridiculous plan, doomed to failure from the get go. A plan that somehow includes transparency and invisibility cloaks.A plan she explains in great detail to every house guest, even as they wield a ten foot pole and beat a hasty retreat.

But I think I know where Joey is coming from. It's not just that she is a newbie who knows nothing about the game. I suspect we are seeing  a direct result of what Caleb and Frankie must have done when they had to nominate the first 4 house guests. We haven't seen that footage yet. But they obviously teamed up and made nice because they are now spooning in the HOH bird nest every night.

My theory is that they concocted the first of many "no blood on their hands" plans to select the nominations. They chose the first 4 to drop in the HOH comps. Then, they announced to everyone why they picked those people, explaining how this HOH is all about being fair.

When Donny wins the POV comp, Caleb makes the rounds of the hg's, explaining how his choice of a replacement will be fair.  He tells them he will nom whomever the house desires. But that's not the real plan. Caleb is going to nominate Joey no matter what the others say. He will just make everyone think that Joey is the house choice to be nominated, and evicted.

It's all about more fairness and  less blood. But Joey figures it out. She's pretty smart for a seriously dumb newbie. Since the house has been following the "let's be fair about it" rule up to this point, she sees no reason why an unfair nomination should be allowed. In  her eyes, the fair nomination is Devin. He creeps all the girls out, (and a few of the guys ), he's had a couple meltdowns already, he's a threat to everyone in comps, and he eats all the food!! Not only should he be nominated, he should evicted!! Sounds fair to me.

She explains this over and over again to people all night long. And since she is all for fairness, well, she has to tell Devin he needs to go. She wants him to hear it from her. In our eyes, all of this is pure lunacy. One of the most stupid pre-nomination campaigns in the history of Big Brother. The house guests are feeling the same. Any votes she had to stay have shriveled up and died a horrible death.

But Joey is only following the rules the HOH lovebirds have presented to her. Fair is fair. She charters a bus for yet another door to door survey. Hasn't anyone read the BB16 union bylaws? Isn't this administration run on the transparency guidelines for fairness in the Big Brother game?? Have you paid your union dues to be hoodwinked into unjust nominations?

The results of her endless polling only help to galvanize her activism on this issue. Pretty much everyone tells her she that she makes a good point, they will think about it, and they really don't want her to go.Of course, since this is Big Brother, they are all lying to her face! But in Joey's fantasy world of fairness, the data she has collected  convinces her she must be right. Devin is the fair choice. So be it.

So that's my theory. I could be wrong, I usually am. She may simply be a complete idiot. Well, even if I am right, she is acting like an idiot as far as game goes. But what else can a blue headed newbie do?

                                                                  Have a Dorky Day

That's One Hairy Ass Tattoo, Dude

Our BB16 cast of newbies has plenty of tattoos. Beautifully decorated skin that I fear we will never get a good look at. But then we get a surprise! Last night we were treated to the very public viewing of Hayden's astronaut tattoo. On his butt. His hairy butt. An astronaut on his moon.

Usually I am up close to the screen trying to see hg's tattoos. I twist my head all around, and close one eye to make out the details. Once I tried binoculars! Sneak attack!  But with Hayden, I didn't really want a good look. His butt was way too hairy for close inspection.

There are times when the camera guy helps me out. On a boring feed day the camera guy will zoom in on all kinds of things. Sometimes it's tattoos. But I can never get the really good look I crave. Tattoo screenshots can help, but they rarely show the whole tattoo. Like BB Canada's famous tractor tattoo. I never saw the whole glorious spectacle of that tractor tattoo. Bits and pieces only. Sigh.....

Somebody needs to start a BB tattoo blog! A blog devoted to hg's tattoos. I wanna see them! I want to understand them. Like that damn tractor tattoo. Is it his favorite tractor? A family tractor? Are tractor tattoos common amongst the dairy farmers of the land?

Hayden's astronaut tattoo makes perfect sense to me.  No mystery how, or why, that happened. But occasionally a hg will have a tatt that has no rhyme or reason. I want to know all about it, to see it up close.

Yesterday Christine was explaining her tattoos to Joey, and as far as I could tell from the convo, her tattoos are amazing! Awe inspiring! One of a kind!  Could I see them? Nope.

But, hours later, there is a giant hairy ass tattoo all over the internet. Christine's arms are works of art, and we get mooned .

                                                            Have a Dorky Day!

Twisting The Night Away

One night of BB16 live feeds has my brain twisted beyond all hope. Big Brother never fully explains the rules of a twist. Never, ever!  On the CBS show, Julie speaks very slowly and carefully as she explains it to the house guests. We listen, and we try to understand. We text and tweet and chat and try, really try.

When the feeds come on we search for clues. It's seriously hard work. Even though this cast has at least one camera talker (Frankie) we never got the whole story.  We know the current noms, and the safe noms, and who made  noms. We know the current HOH, and the losing HOH.

But how the noms were made is still being debated. Here is what my twisted brain finally came up with after keeping me up all night:

I think that Frankie made noms  FOR Caleb from Caleb's team. And Caleb made noms FOR Frankie from Frankie's team. And Caleb's noms, that Frankie picked for him, won the Battle of the Block. So that means Frankie's noms, that Caleb picked for him, lost the battle and are still noms, and Frankie lost his HOH.

If the HOH's picked their own noms, why did they pick weaker players?

I did hear that some peeps heard Frankie say he nommed Paola himself, because he thought she was starting a girls alliance. Another theory is that the noms were the hg's who dropped first in their HOH comp. So I could be wrong. I usually am.  But I can't think about it anymore. It hurts my brain.

                                                              Have a Dorky Day

Complain If You Love Big Brother

Waiting for BB live feeds to begin has me all fidgety. This two part premiere business is torture. Forcing us wait till Thursday night for feeds is making me cranky. Ha! Day two and I'm already cranky! That's a sure sign BB season is upon us, when we start complaining.

We complain about everything! Casting, production, hg's, house decor, our list goes on into infinity. We are a fickle fandom. Happy today and pissy tomorrow. We love a cast member in the morning, and by midnight we loathe them. Twists and tasks bore us after a short time and we complain, complain, complain. Even as we keep watching, hour after hour, we grumble and moan.

Right now we are in the honeymoon stage. We love newbies! We love the feeds! We love BB! But, soon enough, we will start complaining. It's what we do. We love and hate, and love to hate. Right now I'm grumpy because I have to wait for feeds. When feeds begin it won't take me long to find something else to fuss about. And while I complain about it, I will keep watching. Because it's Big Brother, and I love it!

                                                                                  Have a Dorky Day!

More Punishments Please

I'm really excited about BB16 starting tomorrow night. But I also kind of dread the twisted twists CBS is promising. Twists make me cranky. I love them in BBUK and BBAUS, where I can relax and enjoy the fun.But BBUS twists always seem to mess up the game.

I do like tasks. Make those house guests do crazy things all day long, I'm cool with that. And I love punishments. When you are immersed in the world of live feeds you tend to be more persnickety about the rules as the weeks go by. Dreaming up punishments for the hg's is one of my favorite things to do.

In real life I don't like to mess with peoples karma. Just let it slide. But in BB life, I want a hotline to production so I can inform them of any and all infractions. My chat friends are evil wizards when it comes to punishments. If they worked for BB there would be daily discipline of the most heinous and hilarious sort.

Extra special punishments are reserved for bad habits that drive us bonkers when we are subjected to them 24/7 for 3 months. I am a pacifist in all things except BB. Instead of giving us a vote, BB should give us little buzzers that connect to the house that could unleash punishments willy nilly.  This might mess with the game as much as the twists do, but would be way more entertaining.

                                                                  Have a Dorky Day

Happy Shiny Newbies!

My BB prayers have been answered. The season 16 cast is all newbies!! All the crazy rumors about returning players were wrong.  Unless the 2 night premier  twists us a veteran player wedgie! No, not gonna worry about that right now. I'll just enjoy the moment. Even a heavy sprinkling of recruited cast members can't bring me down from my BB high. I'm so happy for fresh meat that I love them all..for now anyway.

Well, Frankie is kinda pissing me off with his built in fan base, especially with one of this seasons twist being America voting to influence the show more than usual.  I love an all newbie cast because it creates an even playing field, and Frankie might be messing with my happy time with his famous (never heard of her) sister and her fan base.

But I won't dwell on that. I have 3 more days to revel in newbie bliss, and I am going to enjoy it while I can.

                                                                  Have a Dorky Day!!

PS. Since this is not a  BB recap/update blog, I didn't feel the need to do a cast preview. I leave that work to the experts. You'll find some great previews at the blogs on my blog list. 

I Drive A Convertible!!!!

Sequester time!! All the new hg's are locked away in some hotel until launch night.  This is when Big Brother production must be playing all kinds of mind games with the cast. Some bad seeds were surely planted during the audition process, but now production is in full control. Now Big Brother owns them.

The real fun must begin with luggage inspection. The hg's were given a list of what NOT to bring into the BB house clothing wise. No logos, and nothing that messes with the camera, like sparkles, and dots, and stripes, and white whites. But that list is a decoy! Subterfuge! Sneak attack!. An excuse to confiscate anything they fancy. What production wants is a character..a story. So they pull all the clothes they don't want that character to wear. The biggest impact is usually felt by the female hg's.

BB pulls all the skimpy sparkly clothes, and Voila! A sister wife is born!  The modest clothes are pulled, and 4 pairs of shorty shorts and one bustier are left, and Hooray!! Half-naked-all-the-time-chic is in the house! At this point the hg is surely  freaking out, so BB  distracts them by moving on to cosmetics and personal care items. The one item they need to survive will be pulled for sure, along with their fave hair styling tool.

But there is always one girl BB lets keep everything... just because. The missing clothes are mostly forgotten until about a month into the season. Tension is high, lines are being drawn, and some girls begin to notice that one girls clothes have  sparkles and dots, plus she has her special fave moisture cream, and BB gave her hair dye!!!  She's a mole! She's America's Player!!  She's best friends with Allison Grodner!!

One of my fave moments of last years horror show of a season was when Gina Marie had a melt down about her clothes. It was glorious and horrible.  I never actually saw it. My cams wouldn't change, so I was stuck in another part of the house, and chat friends had to narrate, which only added to the hilarity. Gina Marie's clothing had logos everywhere and BB had her mark them out with a sharpie, but the sharpie kept fading so BB had to take even more of her clothes away. She was screaming and crying and wailing. "I don't dress like this! I don't wear capris! I'm Italian! I have class! I drive a convertible!" This went on for hours. No one could console her. "BB took all my clothes! I drive a convertible!"

It's moments (hours) like that on the live feeds that prove that BB is a master at this big brother business. Every aspect of house life is geared towards breaking the hg's down, building them back up, only to smash them down again. All for our viewing pleasure.

                                                               Have a Dorky Day

It's A Dorky Big Brother Blog!!

Big Brother USA 16 will be starting soon. The live feeds will take over our lives. We surrender willingly. Clean the house, stock the fridge, update your BB blog bookmarks, and reconnect with your chat room peeps. Yes, we do have a life, and it will be on hold  until the finale.

I am intrigued by the world that revolves around Big Brother USA and the live feeds. Feed watchers, chatters, bloggers, podcasters. I want to know how these people survive the summer, and what they really think about certain aspects of the Big Brother TV show and the  feeds. I also have questions about the twilight zone universe of BB production. Questions that need answers, dammit!

After all the crazy bad nonsense that happened during BBUS 15 live feeds, many of us wondered if there would even be a season 16. Or maybe there would be a new season, but no live feeds!!! I'm curious to see how things develop this season.

So I decided to start a BB blog.  A place where I could share my thoughts and questions, and invite some people to share their own views of BB feed life. There are plenty of BB recap and live feed update blogs, this is not one of them. My favorite ones are listed in my blog roll. They help fill in the blanks when I absolutely must leave the house, or fall asleep right before the hg's get alcohol.

Let's see what happens here during season 16. I am not a BB expert, or a BB trivia encyclopedia. I get lost a lot during the feeds, but my chat friends draw me a map and help me on my way. I am extremely low tech, so it may take me a while to get in the blog and twitter groove.

                                                                                       Have a Dorky day!

Welcome to my new blog!

I can't wait for the new season to start!
Please feel free to connect with me on Twitter too: @dorkyday