Brittany: Let The Camplaining Begin!

Brittany is finally on the block. And it doesn't take her too long to start camplaining. That unique blend of campaigning and complaining that Brittany has honed to perfection.  She has pretty much been doing this since day one.  She did it even when she was safe.

Now that her BB life is on the line, it can only get worse. Yesterday she began her camplaining with a visit to the HOH. Cody has no vote, yet she spent a good long while up there.

Her first list of complaints go something like this:

• She is not a follower
• She will not kiss ass
• She is the most honest player there
• She is not going to let anyone run her game, she will always make her own decisions, regardless

Well, gee golly Cody, she sounds like one great teammate to me! She won't follow any one's plan, she won't make nice to get further in the game, or to stay safe, she won't lie to save your ass, and no matter what anyone working with her might think is best, she will do whatever she wants. What a great team player!!

Just in case Cody misses the not so subtle insults implicit in the above list, (everybody but her is a lying, ass kissing sheep) she adds one more point  to nail it down.

• She is surrounded by idiots

I wish she would stop there. That list should be entered into Wikipedia under How Not To Play BB.  But Brittany has many more complaints to share as she continues her Powerpoint presentation to a player who HAS NO VOTE!!!

The second part of her camplaining strategy is clearly designed to gain sympathy.

• She has 3 kids.
• She sacrificed  so much to be there
• Her ex may be plotting to get full custody of her kids while she is in the house
• She may not even have a house, or a car when she gets out
• There are other players in the house who clearly don't deserve to be here, in fact, really, when you look at it, only she and Jocasta, and maybe Derrick because he has kids, deserve to be there
• Everything was against her from the very beginning because certain people started playing the game so early, and made moves, and formed alliances, and didn't include her

This crazy list has been repeated over and over since the beginning of the season. It has gained her nothing. Each week she says the same thing and still nobody wants to work with her.  Shouldn't that be a clue? Wouldn't you think, by week four, on the block, that she would realize her game plan is not working?  And what kind of person leaves their children in danger of being spirited away by someone? She thinks this list will convince people she should stay in the game, when they all must be thinking "Why is she here when her children might be having their whole world  turn upside down?"

What makes it worse is that she really is very smart about what is going on in the house. She is pretty savvy about things up to a certain point. The point where she opens her mouth. I fear she will not close it this week. She will camplain herself right out the door.

                                                     Have a Dorky Day!

I'm Bored! Put Me On the Block!

My, oh my, oh my! The evening begins with Jocasta speaking in tongues on the show, and the crazy just overflows onto the feeds. Last night was the perfect ending to a day spent watching Britt kick that ball over and over again. I am not a Britt fan, but she did finish that brutal task with time to spare. Good for you Britt!

A lot of game talk was happening last night. Endless convos repeated  in various versions. And Zach was right in there.  He was trying to get his alliance to put Caleb up instead of Donny.  He explained that Donny is his new best friend, as of 15 minutes ago, and completely trustworthy. He has Donny in his pocket!  Donny should join their alliance! They think this is a terrible idea, and this makes Zach very cranky. He made some valid points as he proceeded to insult and anger everyone in the room. This craziness ends with the alliance saying "No!!".  Zach is thoroughly disgusted with them, and says, well, just put me up. He's not afraid,  he'll be safe. Dude, this alliance is awesome!

While this has been going on up in the HOH, Caleb has been busy with Amber in the hive room. He is trying to talk her into convincing Cody to put Zach up as replacement nom. It was a typical Amber and Caleb boring game talk circle dance around his burning cowboy love. Ugh!

Things were quiet for a while. And Suddenly....Zach!!  He has another great idea! A fabulous idea! He runs it by Christine and Frankie and  they tell him "No! No! No!".  He smirks his smarmy smirk, and races up to the HOH. He presents his surefire plan for chaos and destruction to Cody and Derrick.

He wants to fake a fight with Cody, and have Cody put him on the block. Zach will blow it up at the POV ceremony, and this will send the house reeling in confusion. Donny will then want to make a F2 with Zach, and he will be their puppet. This plan is genius! It can't fail! It will be awesome dude!! Put me up! Put me up! Put me Up! They tell him no in the nicest way. They tell him the hundreds of reasons why this is a very bad plan. Zack looks at them, totally deflated, and says "I'm bored!  Just put me on the block!!!"
( 7/20 11:50 pm cam 1 )

This was the funniest moment of BB16 so far. I laughed so hard I was crying. Cody and Derrick were laughing just as hard. They loved his enthusiasm, but No! No! No! Zach leaves the room begging them to please think about it. To insure that Cody will not go along with this crazy plan, Derrick does his thing and tells Cody that Zach must be America's Player.  Getting himself nommed has to be a task he is getting from the diary room, and he will get $5,000 if he succeeds. This is quite amusing, since Derrick himself is our player, and has already earned $10,000. Derrick is tricky that way.

Zach may be playing to the cameras, eager for face time on the show. He might be a Dr. Will wannabe. He is mostly selfish and mean. He is definitely addicted to causing chaos. But he was so damn funny last night I don't even care. I went to bed happy.

And then, I woke up today only to discover that Brittany has been up all night scheming and complaining. She may have topped Zach in the Most-Genius-Worst-Plan-Ever department. She is going to suggest to Cody that he let her make the replacement nom!!!  He owes her that much at least, doesn't he? And she will nom Zach! She'll explain how this will keep the blood off Cody's hands.  Another brilliant, no-fail plan.  How could he refuse? She at least deserves to choose who sits next to her on the block! Sounds legit to me. Zach and Britt are BB masterminds!!!  They would make a great powerhouse couple.  Zach and Brittany FTW!!!

                                                                 Have a Dorky Day!!

The Mystery Of The Missing Condoms

Yesterday the feeds were that crazy BB mix of boring but interesting. Mostly dull with some game talk sparkles here and there. But, late last night,  Zach and Caleb called a truce.Then Frankie worked his crazy magic with Devin, telling him alarming things in that special way that Frankie has of twisting the truth.  Things went to hell from there. Bomb Squad Outing : The Sequel.  All kinds of crazy things will soon transpire as a direct result of Devin's antics last night.

Meanwhile, everyone seems to have forgotten all about the missing condoms! Earlier in the evening, when the girls were thinking up pranks against the boys, they decided to make condom water balloons. Brittany discovered that three condoms were missing from the box they got from the storage room.  The girls went wild, and stealth whispering ensued.

Speculations led directly to Zach and Frankie. Jocasta told the girls she had heard sex sounds coming from their direction the other night. But then she figured it was just the people in the walls. Um...what? She figured the camera dudes were having sex in the walls, so she just went back to sleep?

The case of the missing condoms was soon forgotten when the Devin crazy fest began. Well, forgotten by all but me. How could the live feeders miss three condoms worth of night vision shenanigans? Why were Zach and Frankie the only suspects? Why didn't each of the girls launch separate, undercover investigations, and report back at the first secret meeting of a newly formed alliance called The Trojans???

I am so intrigued by the behind the scenes details of Big Brother. When I first started following the live feeds, I was amazed that BB supplies the hgs with all kinds of sex related paraphernalia. I tried to imagine the meetings and memos that led to condoms and dental dams being added to the storage room shopping list. Does CBS order them in bulk? Is there a central warehouse that dispenses them as needed?  Do they send an intern out with that shopping list?

Back on the feeds, Brittany and Jocasta seem to have boarded the Devin crazy train. Everyone else is wondering what the hell went on in that HOH room with Devin, Jocasta, and Brittany. They practice their holy mantra: deny, deny, deny! These hgs are more concerned with the game than the missing condoms! What a bunch of silly heads!

I suspect that  Caleb and Devin slipped those condoms into their pockets just in case their stalk-mance dreams come true. When the girls discovered the condom shortage, diversionary tactics were required. Caleb forms a truce with Zach and sends Frankie upstairs with a secret coded message. Devin deciphers the message, and creates a decoy by proclaiming that he is now going rogue. Frankie did his best to garble that secret message, so there is still a chance that the evidence will lead us back to Zankie.

The girls secret condom alliance seems to have disbanded. The Trojans are no more. I can only hope that live feeders across the land are searching the archives for clues. Examining every minute of night vision footage for telltale signs of hanky-panky. Please, live feeders, don't fail me now!

                                                                   Have a Dorky Day!

Code Word: Apple Pie

So, it turns out that I don't have to be asleep to miss whats going down on BB. I don't even have to be on the wrong camera! I witnessed the apple pie convo in the kitchen and never suspected a thing. Donny made a couple weird faces, and I thought it was just Donny being Donny. Derrick was fidgety when he went to the back yard, but I figured that he was just worried about  Zach. And Frankie was just being Frankie, singing a medley about apple pie, bald eagles, and America.

Team America code words flying all over the place, and I am completely oblivious!  Caleb's story about bald eagles knocking goats off the mountain distracted me! The ice cream talk made my mind wander! Donny's idea of opening an ice cream and water restaurant bamboozled me!

And when did our Team America alliance meet up in the storage room for their first official meeting? Or was it in the back yard? Wherever it was, I missed that too! I must have been busy giggling hysterically at Devin's goofy grin as he was daydreaming about having even more daughters, this time with Brittany. That dude is seriously whacked.

Yesterday was mostly boring, with a sprinkling of lunacy. Caleb wants to give the Bomb Squad promise rings, while Devin sharpens his scalpel to cut the cancer out of his alliance. I think the cancer  is Caleb, but it might be spreading fast to the other members of  "The Squad".  Zach is on suicide watch as he spirals out of control. And Brittany is considering not accepting the Veto if Devin uses it on her!!! That's just plain crazy talk!

Two weeks into the game, and Frankie looks totally frazzled as he runs from room to room, alternately starting and putting out fires. Devin watches his spy cam while teaching himself how to read lips. The Bomb Squad lower echelon plots a Coup d'etat to dethrone Caleb and Devin. And Brittany seems fairly serious about her crazy idea of refusing the Veto.

These people are playing as if it's week ten, not week two. No wonder I missed the code words!  It's like we have been plopped down in BB mid season. We are naked and afraid!  EVERYBODY JUST CALM THE FOOK DOWN!!!!!

                                                                             Have a Dorky Day!