It's Craft Activity Day at BB16 Summer Camp!

Big Brother gave the hgs alcohol last night, and Victoria drank almost a whole bottle of wine. She was a bit tipsy to say the least. Derrick kept telling her to stop, but she kept right on drinking. She got all flirty, and giggly, and seriously annoying. She kept smiling at Derrick. She followed him around just like the old days. She obviously forgot every last bit of her secret agent training. At one point she could barely keep her eyes open, but she would not go to sleep until the guys went to sleep.

After she spent almost an hour telling Caleb how wonderful he is, Caleb returned the favor in that special BeastMode way he has:

Victoria: Love you Caleb
Caleb: Love you too.
   (insert extremely long awkward hug here)
Caleb: You done good. Not gonna say you are the best competitor.....
Victoria: Well, I have done good socially. I never stirred up anything, I stayed loyal
Caleb: Yep! You have done exactly all you needed to do. (which is his way of saying she has done absolutely nothing)
Victoria: Aww, thanks Caleb

While this was going on upstairs, Cody and Derrick were having their own very strange convo downstairs. First they swore to never, ever, nominate each other when they get to final four. They repeat this promise to each other several times. And then they decide that it might just be better to nominate each other after all!

This will make Caleb feel all comfy cozy with them, just in case he wins the veto. Maybe they are the ones who drank all the wine last night, because nowhere in this convo do they seem to remember that Caleb would be the only one voting in this scenario. Another no fail plan by the rag tag remnants of the Best-Worst-Alliance-Ever!

They all finally go to bed, but Derrick, Frankie, and Victoria are all up about an hour later because they can't sleep. It's cereal time! What would BB be without cereal, chips, chomping mouths , and smacking lips? Frankie takes his cereal outside and chomp-smacks away as he performs for the live feeders.

Then he tells us what he will do after BB. The life of a social media mogul-o-maniac superstar of Big Brother is rough on the body. Turns out he has a long list of doctors he plans to see ASAP. He tells his mom to start making appointments, STAT!!

• Dermatologist is his first stop.
• Podiatrist, for his left ankle and foot, which he says he injured in a comp
• Dentist, as he rolls his tongue around inside his mouth
• Orthopedic surgeon, for his back. His eyes go a little dreamy as he imagines the dire diagnosis 
• Complete blood work-up, to check his mercury levels from all the tuna he's been eating. His eyes are still a little dreamy, because blood work might reveal he has all kinds of parasites and poisons from the horrid conditions under which he has been forced to live for three months
• General Doctor, to catch anything the specialists might have missed
• Ear, Nose, & Throat Doctor, because, OMG, because of everything.
• And he needs to get his whole body waxed!!!

His mom is going to be pretty busy. Between making all these appointments, her twitter wars, and trying to get all those Ariana tween fans to stop tweeting and actually vote for Frankie to win America's Favorite Player, she has such a lot to do!

A little later Derrick is trying to talk some game sense into a still tipsy Victoria. He gets so frustrated that he almost slips and tells her he's a cop! Left alone after the convo, he tells us that was a very close call. He almost blew his entire game! He seems pretty shook up.

Well, they are all gonna be shook up today! The Fabulous Frankie Eviction should take place this afternoon!!! The hgs have been promised an activity day. This means BB will tape them doing something crafty while they pretend it's night time, to fool the BBAD viewers. BB is tricky that way!

As I write this, the hgs have awakened to discover tie dye kits in the storage room. They are mostly underwhelmed. Caleb is still listening for the doorbell, hoping for a celebrity with a diesel truck full of cash to walk in the door. They still have no idea about today's eviction as the feeds go down and we get those stupid Jeff videos.

Most likely the feeds will be down until after Tuesday's, or maybe even Wednesday's show. Typically, this is your chance to get some housework done, visit with friends you haven't seen all season, and stock up on snacks for this weeks episodes.  But you are all busy watching Utopia live feeds, so I fear there is no hope for you getting anything done before the eviction show.

Well, I for one have resisted all urges to sign up for my Utopia passport, free or paid. I just don't trust Fox with my personal info. I am Fox-phobic. And I can't get any of the other free Utopia feeds sites to work. So I guess it's up to me. There will be no dorky blog tomorrow. I'll be too busy slipping flat snack foods under your doors so you don't starve to death under Hex's new Anarchy regime!

                                      Have a Dorky Day!
 

Victoria's Extensions For The Win!!!

Yesterday I tuned into the feeds now and then. Mostly boring. The hgs are about to crack from that strange mix of pressure and boredom we see around this time every season. The end is so close, yet so far away. They have been locked up so long together they can't stand it one more second. They want so badly to stay in the game and win, but if they don't get out of that house right now, they might just go completely crazy. I kept checking in, hoping for the crazy.

Frankie plopped himself down in that stupid bird nest bed and tried his usual tricks on Caleb. He pats the bed and tells Caleb to come on over here, sit here next to me, come on, right here. Like he's talking to a dog. But this dog (Caleb) has learned some new tricks.

Caleb eventually does sit down on the bed, but he positions himself far away from Frankie. He rarely makes eye contact. He squashes every whiny, wheedling thing that Frankie comes up with to save his sorry butt. Frankie is doing all the same things that have worked on Caleb for this whole game, but they aren't working now. Frankie seems a bit lost here. He's saying all the right things, why isn't Caleb groveling at his feet? Frankie keeps trying to get close enough for a cuddle, but it's just not happening.

He finally pulls the charity card. He says that he is playing an honorable game because he would never want to win dirty money for his charity. Since Caleb has already argued that Frankie has all the jury votes because of that charity, Frankie's charity card is totally wasted on Caleb.  Frankie also pulls the world card. The world will hate Caleb if he betrays Frankie. Caleb's world is filled with recording contracts, acting jobs,  red carpets and limousines, so Frankie's world card is just litter at Caleb's superstar feet.
9/14  1:54 a.m. cam 3-4

Frankie leaves the HOH with absolutely no reassurances of safety from Caleb. His magic glitter wand isn't working anymore!  Where are his magical powers??? Frankie has no choice now but to call forth the dark twitter magic of Ariana's fans, to ensure that he wins Americas favorite Player.

In other news, Victoria is seriously considering going rogue! She complains to Derrick about everything she has to put up with in this house! She is fed up! She is the last girl standing, she has no one to talk to, she hates Cody with every fiber of her being, it's not fair! She wants to cause some drama! Victoria is ready to rumble!

She tells Derrick that she wants to have a one-on-one with Caleb. She wants to tell Caleb about her hair. This will make Caleb want to take her to the final two. She will tell him the true story of what happened to make her hair fall out, and then they will have a bond. And when he knows about her hair, he will know how badly she needs the money.

She says all this with that gleam in her eye, her secret agent-special-mission-gleam. Her hair story will be her biggest game move ever!!!  Derrick has to work hard to nip this silly plan in the bud. He tells her all the reasons why a sob story this late in the game would backfire, and probably send her packing. She backs down a bit, but you can tell she is still seriously considering this move. She is gonna go rogue, I just know it!
9/14  1:24 a.m.  cam 1

Will Ariana's fans win the twitter war and crown Frankie J. Grande as America's Most Hated Favorite Player?  And what is the true story of Victoria's hair? How can it save her game? Will she show Caleb her bloody scalp? Will Caleb be wearing her extensions at the veto ceremony today? They would look mighty fine with those damn bunny slippers.

                                                   Have a Dorky Day!

Bye Bye Frankie (Fingers Crossed)

Yesterday our dreams came true! Frankie did not win the POV! Now we just have to pray that he is evicted . Glory Hallelujah, Amen!

Yesterday morning we were all in a tizzy about a Team America convo between Frankie and Derrick. They were informed by the dr that if one of them wins BB he will receive another $50,000! At first we thought they were saying that they both had to make it to f2 to get this money. Twitter went crazy! Production conspiracy theories were flying left and right! We began to lose all hope of Frankie ever being evicted, if we ever really had any hope of this at all.

After the BB bogging experts had thoroughly examined the transcripts of this convo, we learned that only one of them has to make it to f2 and win. This news made us feel a little better, but not much. The thought of Team America getting that much additional money still made us pretty damn cranky.

When the feeds went down for the POV comp, we didn't really have much hope that anyone but Frankie would win the veto. Frankie had already won it once, why wouldn't he win it again?  Stupid gold button rewind twisted twist!

And then twitter went just crazy enough to distract us from our hopeless vigil. Allegedly, Frankie's mom asked Ariana fans to start tweeting #FrankieWinPov. And as this began trending, BB fans from all across the land were called to action.

Our battle cry? #AnyoneButFrankie. Those tween fans didn't even know what a POV is, but they were tweeting up a storm. And we were not having this!  Within 20 minutes #AnyOneButFrankie had smashed those tweens to smithereens! We showed them! HA!

By the time the twitter battle was over we didn't even really care about the POV comp anymore. We just wanted the Arianatators to see that we were a force to be reckoned with. The big lesson here was don't tween and tweet about our BB! So there!

The feeds return, and wonder of wonders, Cody has won the Veto! Yes! And as far as we can tell, the plan is still in place to evict Frankie. Caleb was pushing for a split vote, so that he could be the one to evict Frankie. The guys talk him out of this, and now the plan is to tell Frankie he is leaving the night before eviction.

Frankie was a manic little maniac after the comp.  He ran around the house pretending it was the most hilarious thing in the world that he lost the same two comps that he won last week. He says he is confident the guys will keep him safe. But you can tell he is pretty sure he will be going out the door.

We can only hope that this fear will develop into full blown paranoia in the next few days. We want to see him suffer. We need to hear him plead, and scheme, scramble and cry, and lose all sense of hope. We deserve this for having to put up with him all season.  He took our shiny happy newbie season and made it all about him.

And #AnyoneButFrankie can see the beauty of him leaving before Victoria, and so very close to final four!

                             Have a Dorky Day!

Frankie Has The Worst Day Ever! Yes!!!

Wowzer! Yesterday was a great day of live feeds!!! The fun began in the morning with a luxury comp alert, and lasted all day long, and into the night! Woohoo!

The hgs woke up to a message on the living room TV screen: "It's time for a Luxury Comp!" Oh my goodness, they got all kinds of excited! Caleb's delusions included every impossible luxury item in the universe, designed especially for him. Most of them were various combinations of celebrities, recording contracts, and a big ass diesel truck.

They were then locked up in the HOH with breakfast and the TV. The front door opened, and the jury members were back in the house! It was the best four minutes of feeds in days. The jury went berzerker in the BB house!!! They trashed every room!  Clothes, towels, dishes, food, and bedding were flying through the air! Oh happy day!!!

Zach threw Victoria's clothes on the living room table and danced the fandango while pouring Froot Loops all over the place. He was wearing his new pink hat and a huge grin! Jocasta went to town on destroying the kitchen. She poured honey, hot sauce, and garbage all over the place. She was a holy terror!

The hgs watched this all happen. The were laughing at first, but then they looked a wee bit worried. Hayden bent over to moon them, and that's when we got fish. When the feeds come back, we learn that Victoria and Hayden somehow won $5,000 each, the house is even more trashed than before, and the hgs are royally pissed off. Yes!!!

The hgs were teamed up with a jury member for the comp, which was a variation of the comp where they each go into the house to search for a token or chip to win the prize. But wait! There's more! A twisted twist that meant the hgs had to watch the jury members play the comp! The hgs didn't even get to play!  Plus, the jury had a chance to win money!!! Scandalous!

It was fabulous feeds for most of the afternoon! They were so angry! Their home had been invaded! Vandalized by disgusting, immature, evil people! They complained for hours! They had to clean up the mess the bitter jury had left behind, and they grumbled about the worst ever luxury comp the whole time.

Never before in the history of Big Brother has there ever been such a bitter, evil jury! The hgs repeat this over and over. They seem to believe the jury thought this whole thing up themselves. Like they snuck out of the jury house without permission. This is personal! This is their home!

Well mostly it's Frankie's home, and he is completely devastated. How dare they they come in here! It is a travesty that jury members got to play in the comp! He fears he may never recover from this very personal assault. It's BB sacrilege that evicted hgs had a chance to win money! Hayden won money! That's just cruel!!! It's not fair!

Meanwhile, Caleb is wearing those damn bunny slippers again. They must have been unearthed in the raid. I won't complain about them though. They may have given him the courage to nominate Frankie!

Hallelujah! Frankie and Victoria are on the block, and Frankie is not taking it well. First the home invasion, then the worst luxury comp ever, and now he is on the block!  Why are the strong and virtuous always tested in these terrible ways? He is loyal, and truthful, and good, and pure!

He takes several baths during the evening, so that he can tell the live feeders his troubles and woes while naked and surrounded by bubbles. And the whole time he does this, you can tell that he really wishes he could just let his nasty self out, and throw the biggest hissy fit of his life. He is really furious, but he tells us that everything that happened today has hurt his heart, and his soul. All of this while checking that the cams are still on him. He is one Grande piece of work!

The hgs spent a lot of time studying the memory wall for the morph comp rewind. Caleb and Frankie even devised their own study aids! Frankie cut a spy screen hole into a tortilla and held it up to the photos. This makes the guys a little nervous, seeing him so close to the memory wall, looking through a hole in a tortilla.

Caleb crafts a study mask from a paper towel and two panty liners. He says it gives him ninja powers, and hides his identity, all in one!  Derrick is wearing his daughters blanket on his head, but hasn't shared it's study enhancing capabilities with us yet. Cody is just trying to stay awake. All this concentrating is putting him to sleep. He needs someone to flirt with to keep him awake. Victoria joins them now and then, but her study look is no different than her everyday vacant stare we have seen all season.

At some point during study group, Caleb goes upstairs to listen to music and make a complete fool of himself on national tee-vee! He spends a good hour up there dancing and playing air guitar. He is crushing it! He is a beast! He tells us he is single. Ladies, come and get it! He is The Cowboy Of Love!

This leaves Cody, Derrick, and Frankie alone in front of the memory wall. They have a little meeting about the nominations. Frankie absolves them of all sins, and says he understands that it was all about Caleb's ego. After a brief exchange of  lies and misinformation, they all agree that they are not idiots. I'm not an idiot, you're not an idiot, we are not idiots! So that settles that!  And then their eyes wander up to the HOH, and they very quietly super-stealth-whisper that Caleb is the idiot. Shhhh! It's a secret!

While further data might be needed to confirm their own individual and collective idiocy, they are correct in crowning Caleb as their idiot king. When Caleb wasn't complaining about the jury and the luxury comp, he was mostly busy telling everyone why he will win the game and/or America's Favorite Player.  He goes on for hours about how damn good he is at this game. And he knows that the viewers are just loving him! He is just dadgum awesome!

He told Frankie that he nommed him because they were worried that if Frankie won the veto, he would use it on Victoria! They had a great cover story going, but Caleb just has to be honest and tell it like it is. He also told Frankie that he knows Frankie won't take him to the end, because Frankie knows Caleb will beat him. So, he basically told Frankie that they don't trust him anymore. Then, to secure his position as Idiot Supreme, he spent a good long while spilling the beans to Victoria about the history making Best-Worst-Alliance-Ever.

Watch out everybody! BeastMode Bunny-Slippers is back in the house!

                               Have a Dorky Day!

Production Has Left The Building!

What can I say? I have no words. Well, I have words, but they are not suitable for print. Suffice it to say I am quite cranky this morning. Cranky to the max. But that's old news. That's just a replay of how I felt last week. I'm on a cranky rewind.

Caleb won the HOH comp. The rewind HOH comp. The comp they have already played once. That we've already seen before. The comp that they didn't let us see the winner of on the show, again. The comp that maybe Frankie threw this time.

I can't decide on that one. Did he throw it to make sure he would be able to play in the next HOH?  I sure won't suggest this to Caleb, because he get's all crazy eyed about it. He crushed that comp! He is so great, and awesome, and crushing! No way Frankie threw that comp! Caleb crushed him! Lot's of crushing talk last night.

Derrick is now working double, triple, undercover overtime to keep his butt off the block. Victoria is working undercover too! Derrick has convinced her that she might be safe from leaving this week if they keep up the act.

Victoria is positively beaming when they talk about their secret mission. I love seeing her so happy to be finally playing the game. But I get all worried whenever they talk now. What if someone watching the HOH spy screen sees her smiling and talking with Derrick?  What if her cover is blown?

Meanwhile, they take a break from worrying about noms to study for the veto comp. The comp they already played once! Aaaarghhh! This rewind twist is so infuriating! Why did they do this stupid rewind?  Why, why, why??? Has production left the building? Or maybe production has been taken hostage, leaving the interns to run the show?  Did Allison Grodner just forget we already did this, or is she truly evil?

Let's just get this week over with!  But first, Julie wants us to vote on tarantulas? For another show? WTF?? I vote for lots and lots of hairy tarantulas.

But why should Julie have all the fun? I think all of production should join her. Let's punish them for dreaming up this ridiculous week of rewinds.  I say we throw them all in a giant box, with tarantulas and all sorts of nasty creepy crawlies, while wearing shock unitards, in between chum baths, after we shave their heads!  I could rewind that all the day long!

                                                   Have a Dorky Day!

CBS Stops BB16 Dead In It's Tracks!

Victoria was full of surprises yesterday. First we discover that Victoria is afraid of every animal on the planet except for Izzy the dog. She was lovin' on that dog! Izzy was pretty much irresistible. The guys all fell in love with that dog right away. So did the live feeders. For a few hours, the Zach birthday tweets tapered off, and the Izzy pics were trending in our own little BB corner of the world.

Then Izzy left, and we got back to this sad business of boring feeds. Victoria spiced it up for us when she finally talked to Frankie up in the HOH. Derrick had already set things up with the guys by telling them that Victoria was not speaking to him. Victoria didn't even ask Derrick if she could do his laundry!  All the guys noticed this. Things must be serious if she ain't doing his laundry!!!

Victoria did a great job with the Frankie talk. She didn't go overboard or get all dramatic. She cried just enough, at the right times, to convince him she was telling the truth.  Frankie seemed to be taking care not to throw Derrick under the bus as he tried to comfort her.  And Victoria's presentation was consistent with how she has been acting the whole game.  I think her mission was a success!

Later on Frankie told Derrick almost everything Victoria said. The guys now believe that Derrick has no chance of getting Victoria's vote if he makes it to final two. I think she deserves $5,000 for a successful task, don't you?

BB gave them a few beers and a teeny, tiny, bottle of wine. Victoria plans to act a little tipsy when she drinks that wine. She will then implement part two of her plan. I'm calling it her plan now, because she is definitely using her own strategy here. She'll talk more about how the jury hates Derrick. Then she'll begin to hint that she thinks Caleb is playing a good, clean, honest, trustworthy game. He deserves to win! He is so loyal! He is BeastMode!

This is all designed to convince Frankie and Cody that they shouldn't be taking Caleb anywhere near the final two.  But they all go to bed early, so she doesn't get much done in this department. She and Derrick sneak in a few secret talks before going to  sleep. She smiles her happy princess smile as she fills him in on what she has been up to. Victoria is really loving this whole Save Derrick plan.

Meanwhile, I am kind of cranky as I get myself ready for bed. All this Gold Button Rewind business has made for boring feeds and boring episodes.  As far as this week goes, Victoria might be doing the only thing that really matters. And tonight we don't even get an eviction!. At least not as far as I can figure things out.

All week long I have been fantasizing about the possibility of Frankie being evicted tonight! This is what has kept me going! It gave me hope! A reason to live!

But, once again, Julie smashes my dreams to smithereens! She told us right after Christine's eviction that if that damn gold button was pushed there would be no eviction tonight. She said the game will stop dead in it's tracks. WTF? No eviction? Can this be true?

I missed it. No matter how hard I try to listen to Julie, I always miss the most important thing she is saying. So I missed it when Julie told us that CBS is doing it's twisted best to ruin the last few weeks of this season even more with this stupid gold button rewind.

Oh well,  If BB wants to stop this game dead in it's tracks, who am I to argue? I'll just mosey on over to Utopia and see what kind of trouble Bella is causing already this morning. Then I'll watch me some CBBUK, and BBAU, and try to think some happy thoughts.

But I will still be cranky, no matter how much fun I might be having in other reality lands. I love BBUS. I stick it out every season. I'm still there when live feeders and bloggers don't even bother to check in on the live feeds, when they even stop watching the shows. One of my fave bloggers is so over this season he is boycotting the shows. He is writing brilliant recaps of the shows he won't be watching, before they air, and he nails it every time!

But I hang on to the very end. You'll find me tied to the twisted tracks of this most useless final five week ever.  I am a BBUS die hard.  And this season I am dying hard for sure.

                                                       Have a Dorky Day!

Rewinds, Rat Patrols, And Cowtopia Sex! Oh My!

While everyone else was over in Utopia watching some night vision hanky panky, I was waiting for the results of the Veto comp.  I'm guessing that BB production got the memo about two Utopians having sex in the cow shed, because they turned on the feeds while the hgs were still locked in separate rooms, waiting for the timed comp to be over.

Sorry Big Brother, Victoria locked in the storage room can't compete with a cow cam and sexy, slurping, sound effects. I was pretty much the only one in chat still watching BB feeds.

Caleb is locked in the hive room, shouting out hashtags about being American. He is a Made In America BeastMode Cowboy! Then he starts rambling about tailgate parties and celebrating America.  This turns into a public service announcement about nose picking. "Don't be diggin' in yer nose!" Caleb, Caleb, Caleb! What in the world are you auditioning for now?

Derrick is pacing in the fire room. He is nervousing big time. Victoria is in the storage room with all that food, and so many mirrors! She is foraging, nibbling, and looking in the mirror every 5 seconds. Derrick is pacing like a madman, and Victoria is just sitting around reading labels. The only thing she seems worried about is how she looks while reading labels. Not a BB care in the world.

Frankie is locked up in the HOH room making sure the cameras are following his every move. He is performing his I-Am-So-Fabulous-I-Build-Schools-In-Africa monologue. We have about 5 minutes of this nonsense before an intern tears himself away from watching the Utopia cow/sex cam long enough to switch us back to stupid Jeff videos.

The feeds come back, and of course, Frankie won the Veto. He won it for his boys! To keep his boys safe! He is carrying these boys to the final four! He's won so many comps he can't even count them anymore! He is such a huge target now!  But it's all for his boys!  Frankie leaps, and twirls, and sings about his boys!

Meanwhile, Derrick, Caleb, and Cody are all busy counting Frankie's wins, while trying to remember when The-Best-Worst-Alliance-Ever changed it's name to Frankie's Boys.

Derrick and Frankie have a quick Team America meeting in the bathroom. Once again, they figure out a way to do the task in the most half-assed way possible. The task is to wear down the competition by convincing everyone there's a rodent in the house and keep them up all night trying to catch it.

That sounds like an all night task to me. I'm America!  I'm in this alliance too! So are you! If you were the least bit interested in this stupid task, wouldn't you want crazy Rat Patrol antics all night long?  Does Team America care a damn about America? Nope!

At 12:38 they decide that that they will just keep everyone awake playing pool. Then at 3:00 they will start the Rat Patrol. They will only have to keep it up till 6:00. Derrick wants to start at 2:00, making sure it's long enough. Frankie says no, 3:00 is fine, well within the parameters of the task. Team America has officially turned an all night task into a three hour let's-fool-production-and-America con job.

The Rat Patrol is amusing for a little while. Cody up on a chair is hilarious. Caleb is a fearless rat hunter who would have torn that kitchen apart if Derrick didn't get him busy making mouse traps. Victoria just screamed a lot. By 6:00 Team America is confident that they gave BB enough rat related shenanigans to win the task. None of the other hgs seem to question why, all of a sudden, it's okay to call off the rat patrol and go to bed.

So, Frankie's Veto win means nothing. The Gold Button Rewind makes it null and void, along with his noms, and his HOH win. This makes me a wee bit happy.  But it makes me wonder if that golden button truly rewinds everything.

Does the rewind also work on the TA task? Snatching the $5000 right from their hands? Making us shout with glee at another overwhelming fail? Yes. please!

                                                   Have a Dorky Day!

OK! Let's Play Big Brother! Who Want's To Be The Britney?

Well, another day of boring feeds. I never learn. I figure it's nomination day and maybe we'll have a surprise. Maybe Frankie's noms will bring us a little excitement!  Maybe I'm a fool! Ya think?

The feeds go down for hours, and when they come back, still no noms. Turns out that Jeff & Jordan were in the back yard getting engaged!  Imagine that! And there was a party!  With cake, and champagne, and music!  Who cares?

I love Jordan, she's a hoot!  And Jeff is okay, I guess. But I don't care if they get married. If you love them, if you care about this engagement, good for you. I'm fine with that. I'm not bashing Jeff & Jordan. I just want the nom ceremony to be over, so that I can start complaining about it!

By the time the noms come I have already given up. I don't even care anymore. Frankie noms Cody and Victoria, as promised.  By now I have turned off the feeds. I'm just checking in with twitter for nom updates, and to see if Julie Chen has finally decided what the Gold Button Rewind rules really are. The last report said that Derrick would not be eligible to play in the Rewind HOH competition. Are you sure Julie? Can we finally quote you on that???

I check back with the feeds later in the evening, and it's Victoria that brings me a little joy. She is up in the HOH with Frankie. It's a meandering convo that ends up with both of them chomping on chips, but it was worth watching. Frankie pretends that he was completely oblivious to how evil Christine was, and Victoria pretends to believe him. 

And just when I'm thinking that maybe Victoria is finally understanding this game of Big Brother, she proves me wrong. She tells Frankie that she is so proud to be the last woman standing! She is so happy that she lasted longer than Christine.  And then she says "I'm so glad I crushed her dreams of being Britney in The Brigade!"

9/6 1:50 a.m. cam 1

Oh my goodness Victoria!  You don't want to be Britney in The Brigade. You hope and pray you will never be the Britney, because the Britney gets voted out!!!  Will she ever understand this game?  I don't think so.  Even if she makes it to the final two, even if she wins, I don't think she will ever really get it. And if she makes it that far, I guess it didn't really matter anyway.

Later on, when it's finally bedtime in the BB house, Victoria decides to ask some serious questions about sex. They are all in the fire room with the lights out. She addresses her questions to Cody, but all the guys join in and offer up their words of wisdom. 

Victoria, honey, sweetie, do you really want to learn about sex from these nasty boys? Caleb is a BeastMode Stalker!  Frankie is Vulgar-To-the Max!  Cody would flirt with your sister, mother, and grandmother all at the same time! They are the reason someone will make a Bow-Job montage about you on YouTube!!!  And you want them to answer your sex questions?  

9/6 3:08 a.m. cam 2

Two months ago this girl would not sleep in the same room with a man. Last night she was getting ready to sleep in a bedroom with four guys, and decided to ask them all about sex. She may have come a long way since walking into the BB house, but I'm a little worried about where she might end up.  I'm gonna throw some birdseed over the BB wall. Only the crows can save her now.

                                         Have a Dorky Day!

Boo! Hiss! Hooray!!!

Christine walked out of the BB house and the audience booed her loud and clear! It was awesome! I loved it! I've never heard a BB audience boo like that.  I have wanted them to boo plenty of times, but BB runs that audience with an iron fist. The live audience response is as scripted as most of the drs we've been seeing lately. Last night the boos for Christine were music to my ears.

Christine was just so mean! She griped about everything, all the time. She hated everyone! She loved to talk about how much she hated people. She would sit there on the bed, holding a Bible in her lap, and just randomly announce that she hated someone.

Last night I didn't even feel the least bit guilty that those boos made me so happy. And I didn't feel bad for her at all. Christine seems like the kind of person that would have jumped at the chance to be in that audience, booing her most hated house guest. And she would have sneaked in a few hisses, just because!

Those boos really had the other hgs freaked the fook out!  They seemed totally confused, and upset, to hear the audience respond so negatively. They were ready to hide underneath the beds and never, ever, leave the Big Brother house.

But Frankie took control, and shared his theory about those boos. He is certain that she talked trash about his sister in the diary room! And his fans didn't like that one bit. There is absolutely no other explanation. She trashed his family and the fans have spoken.

He said this over and over again throughout the night. He insists that she hated the fact that he is a Grande, that his sister is a superstar Grande, and that his last name is Grande. And it's obvious to him that she trashed the Grande name in the diary room. He plans to say his last name a hundred times in his goodbye message to her. Grande, Grande, Grande!  Frankie is suffering from a Grande delusion about those boos, and there is no telling him otherwise.

Ok, moving right along, we then have some minor freaking out about the gold button. Derrick seems the most upset by its presence. He is still in shock from having won the shortest HOH comp in the history of Big Brother.  That gold button is pushing his panic buttons.

Caleb knows all about the gold button. He describes, in detail, how the button will bring him a recording contract, a trip to Hawaii, and large cash prizes.  Frankie takes control again, and gives a little speech about gold buttons, and how they work in Big Brother. Then he brags some more about how fabulous he is for winning that veto! Did you see him win? Did you see how he won? Did you know he won? Did you know he is fabulous, and that he won the veto?  He is just so damn fabulous!

Some time passes, the feeds go down, and when they return, Voila! Frankie has won the second HOH comp.  The gold button has a sign that says it's their choice, all it takes is one push.  Frankie wants to push it! Please, please, please, let's push it! And moments later, they do it! A countdown clock shows us that the zero hour is Wednesday night.

We know that the gold button pushing resulted in a rewind. At the zero hour, live voting will stop and the game will rewind, dethroning Frankie and pulling his noms off the block. Then the week will be replayed, starting with a new HOH comp. The only mystery that remains is whether Derrick will be eligible to play in that comp.

We know all this twisted gold button info, but the hgs still know nothing. Lots of speculation and paranoia about that button. It looks like Victoria and Cody will be the noms. Will this week be a big waste, since everything will be flipped come eviction night? Or will it be great fun to watch Frankie scheme and plan and manipulate all for nothing? Will Frankie's ego take on a life of it's own? Will Caleb, Cody, and Frankie practice a Chippendales review in front of those damn mirrors?

And let's not forget the most important detail of all. Victoria is the last woman standing in BB16! You go girl! Victoria FTW!!!

                                       Have a Dorky Day!

Derrick! Stop That!!!

Wouldn't it be great if we were all excited about tonight? Double eviction! Woohoo!

If only Derrick hadn't sucked all the fun out of this season. His game play leaves no room for fun. It's all work, work, work. Derrick works double-triple-overtime. Undercover, incognito, very hush-hush. Stealth-mode to the max.

Boring. Monotonous.Tedious. Irksome. Humdrum.

So uninteresting as to cause mental weariness.

Quoting the dictionary or thesaurus is the last resort of a mentally weary writer.  But it's so perfect for today that I'm gonna run with it.

Boring implies feelings of listlessness and discontent.

     Yes. We have all been feeling a bit listless lately.  And I, for one, was not feeling content as I watched Derrick bring Nicole to tears yesterday. She told him that as far as she can figure out, there must be a large alliance running the house.  She then implied that he must be in this alliance.  He proceeded to make her feel like a horrible person for even thinking such a thing.

He told her that when she watches this season, she will feel really dumb for saying this. She crumbled as soon as he used the word dumb.  Her biggest fear the entire season has been that she would be seen as being either dumb or mean. She spent the next hour crying apologies to him. Then, she promised him her vote, and sat down to help him study!

Once again, Derrick turns it around to his advantage. And it should have been exciting to watch. Derrick is playing a great game. He is quite gifted at hypnotizing these dodo-heads into doing exactly what he wants them to do. But he is doing it so well that it pretty much ruins the game for us feed watchers.  Derrick has wrung all of the magic out of watching him work his magic. It just makes us cranky.

What is monotonous bores because of lack of variety.

     Well, that about sums it up! Derrick is a one man Anti-Variety Squad.  He patrols 24/7 and seeks out the smallest bit of game changing talk and squashes it like a bug.  We like the house to flip! We love things to turn on a dime!  We want a power shift!  Nope. Not on his watch!

Tedious suggests dull slowness or long windedness.

     Exactly! It used to be fun to watch Derrick make a hg feel like it was their idea to do whatever he needed them to do.  But now it takes him even longer to get results. Talk talk talk talk talk!!! He eventually get's the job done.  But for us, the thrill is gone.

Irksome describes what is demanding of time and effort and yet is dull and often unrewarding.

    Translated into BB lingo: "Man, I can't even watch the feeds anymore, it hurts my head! Derrick is pissing me off!  He has the game so tied up it's not worth watching!"

I want to hope that tonight's double eviction will be so awesome that we all stay up the whole night watching amazing feeds! And if no one has the guts to get Frankie out, I'm sort of hoping Frankie tries to get Derrick out. You know things are bad when you want Frankie to win HOH!

Derrick's game is just so boring, monotonous, tedious, irksome, and humdrum that I would be happy with any excitement at all. Maybe a week of Frankie being a full blown egomaniacal prima donna HOH is just what we need right now. Gawd help us all. Amen.

                                            Have a Dorky Day!

This post was brought to you by thefreedictionary.com , which is where I will be browsing instead of watching the feeds today

I Want A Banner Plane And I Want It Now!!!

The feeds were more of the same yesterday. Mostly boring, with plenty of lying and butt kissing. They are all trying to set themselves up for safety for a double eviction on Thursday night.  It's impossible to tell whether they are lying or truthing. And do we really care? Let's just go directly to the double eviction and get this season over with already!!

Caleb isn't kissing much butt. His strategy seems to be "Let me tell you what a BB beast I am and then we'll talk some game."  His ego knows no bounds. Yesterday, when he did his HOH blog and tweets, BB gave him a few fan questions to answer. One fan asked what kind of girl he likes. Caleb now believes that BB is his personal dating service.

He is convinced that his answer to this question will bring him thousands of "applicants" to fill the position of girlfriend.  He imagines they will pay $500 for a chance to date him.  He got so excited as he told the guys about this that he had to run to the dr to make sure they were clear on the job description: "Don't love me for my looks, or my truck, just give me $500 and we'll get along real good!"

Victoria has refused to kiss any butt. Derrick tells her to stop spending so much time with Nicole.  He explains that Nicole can't do anything for her game. Victoria needs to be talking to Cody and Frankie and Christine! Victoria say NO!  She doesn't want to. She won't do it! Not one single butt will be kissed by her princess lips!

This is what you end up with if you carry someone through the game. When it finally comes down to it, Derrick has spent endless hours managing Victoria's moods. It's hard, thankless work. And here they are, on double eviction eve, and she finally says NO! What is a master manipulator to do?

Let's see...hmm..anything else happen lately?  Hmmm..Christine told Frankie about coffee enemas and he got a faraway look in his eyes. No..that's not it....hmmm. Oh yeah, I remember now!

A BANNER PLANE FLEW OVER THE HOUSE!!! Yes! Well, allegedly.  We had a long indoor lock down and there were many reports of a banner plane flying over the area. "FRANKIE & DERRICK R THE SABOTEURS" was the alleged message.  If the hgs saw it they aren't telling. And we sure didn't see it. Dammit!

I love the banner plane. I think it's so wild that a fan would spend that kind of money to fly a message over the house! I thrill at the potential for creating paranoia and panic. A shout over the wall is one thing. Those are free. But a plane costs some dollars, takes some commitment. A banner plane is hard to dismiss as poppycock, the way they've  been doing with the shouts. Caleb would take one look at that message and say "I been in the military, and that there banner plane ain't no poppycock!"

I wonder what it's like for people in the neighborhood.  If they don't know diddly about BB, what are they thinking when they see that message fly across the sky? Maybe they have a boss named Derrick! Or a boyfriend named Frankie!  Maybe they are googling "saboteur" and changing their locks right now! I think about the pilot. Is this a risky business?  Will the men in black soon be paying him/her a visit?  Will the pilot give up his client when Julie says "I need an answer now!"?

The thought of this alleged banner plane amused and entertained me for hours.  I imagined myself chartering a banner plane to fly over the BB house. My message? "FRANKIE IS REALLY 31 YEARS OLD!" It might not change the game, but it would really piss Frankie off!  It's a sad day when my imaginary BB life is more fun than my real one.

                                                    Have a Dorky Day!

Red FTW!!! (oops!...wrong feeds!)

Days and days of boring BB feeds brought to you by Caleb wimping out on his plans to backdoor Frankie. It's pitiful. It's infuriating. It's dad-gum crazy!

I didn't have much hope for this plan anyway. But it sure would have been a fun week of feeds. I was kind of looking forward to watching Frankie freak the fook out. I wanna see him scramble, and cry, and plead, and scheme, and ultimately fail! I want me some good BB!!!

The way things are going it may never happen. This week's double eviction might be our only hope. But double evictions are tricky.  The hg's are all hyped up and go into panic mode.  They get freaked out at the idea of making a big move that they might have to pay for 20 minutes later. Will anybody have the guts to nom Frankie?  They are all talking big talk right now, but I doubt any of them will do it. I feel a cranky coming on!

Meanwhile, Frankie is giving Caleb some social media mogul advice. Today Caleb gets to do his HOH blog and tweets. Frankie tells Caleb to blog about him! What a great idea!  Caleb can blog about how he was considering putting Frankie on the block, but then made the best decision of his life when he didn't do it! Blog about meeeeeeeeeee!!! Tweet about meeeeeeeeee!

Frankie is acting like it's no big deal that his alliance talked about backdooring him. I'm not buying it. Are you?  I think that if Frankie wins either double evic HOH comp this week he will take his revenge on them in Grande style. We will be treated to a major production of the Frankie Show. If this happens, it will be both horrible and wonderful to behold.

And what is to become of Victoria?  Does everyone secretly want to end up in a f2 with her?  Is that the only winning strategy for BB16?  And what about us?  At this point in the game, do we loathe them all so completely that we want Victoria to make it to the end and win? Is this what we have come to?

Three more weeks till the finale. The real question is what will become of us?  Will we make it to the end?  This season is in such a sad state that the fans might just start yelling Utopia shout outs over the wall of the BB house!  But we will miss it, because we'll all be over in Utopia signing up to join Red's Utopia State Of Freedom! Red FTW!!!

                                            Have a Dorky Day!

Even Alcohol Can't Save This Season!

Another mostly boring day of feeds. Frankie did not get picked to play in the POV comp, and this really pissed him off. He was absolutely livid! That was actually kind of fun to watch. He's been complaining all season about never getting picked for POV. Yesterday he kept saying that from here on in he is guaranteed to play.  He said this a zillion, trillion, times! Was anybody listening? Nope!

They missed his secret coded message: "This is your last chance to backdoor me you silly people!" They just skipped right over that, and started whining about Victoria getting to play in this veto comp. They hate her lack of game play with a passion! A passion that blinds them to a big game move opportunity. Such a silly bunch of dodo heads!

Meanwhile, Christine wins the veto!  This gives them the perfect chance to get Frankie out! It might be their last shot! Do they realize this? I don't think so. They talk about how paranoid he is. They list how he has thrown each of them under the bus. They think he can win just about any kind of comp. They all agree that he will probably turn on them as soon as he has the chance.

And then....and then.... they decide that Victoria should still go up as the replacement nom!  Wow! What a genius plan!  More thrilling game strategy brought to you by The-Best-Worst-Dodo-Head-Alliance-Ever!

Caleb is all about getting his alliance to final five. It doesn't seem to matter that this plan might ruin his game. Caleb wants to make BB history. He thinks getting them to final five will make them famous beyond his wildest dreams. Parades, limousines, recording contracts, and Oscar nominations all seem to hinge on this alliance making it to the final five.

Earlier, Caleb and Cody had made big plans for a night of drinking. I think they had leftover booze from the night before. As they were looking forward to their drunken evening, Frankie caused a twitter uproar by making a horrid suggestion concerning Victoria. I won't repeat it, but it was very crude and thoughtless. Frankie is showing his true nasty self more every day. I turned off the feeds at this point, I had to take a break and think happy thoughts.
8/30 2:21 pm cam 3/4

I tune in later in the evening and Cody is wearing a dinosaur costume as a punishment for being the first one out of the veto comp. Caleb, Cody, and Victoria are the only ones drinking. BB gives them another booze delivery and they all get pretty wasted. Caleb is so loaded he fell down the stairs. It looked like a pretty bad fall, but he's okay. Cody and Caleb have a drunken convo about a final three deal of Caleb/Cody/ Derrick. Outside in the hammock, Derrick listens to Frankie pitch a final three deal of Frankie/ Caleb/Derrick.

So here we are in the BB house with a booze delivery, a dino costume, final three deals left and right, and it's just no fun. They get more alcohol and I decide to go to bed? That's just crazy talk! Not a good sign when even a booze delivery can't save the night.

                                                 Have a Dorky Day!

These Feeds Are No Fun!!

First of all, congratulations to all the voters on a job well done! Team America's last task was an overwhelming fail! How about them apples, Frankie?  No apple pie for you!

Frankie is still raging about this fail. He says that people just aren't ready for a guy in drag on BB. Frankie, dahling, we have guys in drag on every single season of Big Brother. It's a basic staple of BB.  Did you read your contract? I'm pretty sure it's in there. "When you get bored to tears in the house, one or more male cast members are required to dress up in drag."

Frankie has decided that he no longer has to play a "nice" game. This fail has given him permission to unleash his true nasty self. He doesn't care if he has haters! He is a famous superstar! People just hate him because he is so famous!  He no longer cares what America thinks of him. He is weary of trying to please us. He. Is. Over. It!

Frankie, sweetie-dahling, we are over you!  I keep switching cams every time you enter a room. I don't even want to turn the feeds on today, because I can't stand listening to you anymore. I might turn them on after the POV comp. Maybe, if Nicole wins POV, I won't mind watching your hissy fit reaction to another major fail.

Not much happening on the feeds anyway. Caleb as HOH is a big yawn so far. As agreed upon by the Best-Worst-Big-Bunch-Of-Meanies-Alliance-Ever, Caleb put Nicole on slop. He asked them all "Who has not been on slop at least twice?"  Nobody spoke up. Well, Christine kinda pointed at Frankie, but Caleb wouldn't look at her.

Frankie has only done it once. But he can't be expected to be a Have Not again! He is a superstar! Pick Nicole! Nicole had gourmet meals prepared by five star chefs in the jury house! Hayden fed her caviar and champagne breakfasts every day! Pick Nicole! We want her weak and weary for the POV comp!

Derrick volunteered to be a Have Not. He said it was because he went for the $5,000 in the HOH comp. I suspect it was more strategic. This gives him plenty of time alone with Nicole in the Have Not room.  If she wins POV, he can keep on her good side for next week. If she loses, he can work on securing her jury vote. Derrick is tricky that way.

Aside from Nicole winning the POV, the only potential for exciting feeds this week is that the hgs have noticed that there are a lot of missing condoms. They are all getting curious.  Frankie brings it up daily. I haven't heard anything from the night vision cam patrol about any hank panky. Have you?

Early in the season we had the the mystery of the missing condoms. The girls were pranking with condom water balloons and discovered 3 condoms were missing from the box. We haven't heard a peep about condoms since then.

Remember back then?  At the beginning of our newbie season?  When berzerker hgs roamed the house wreaking havoc?  When a StalkMance could entertain us for hours?  When Zach would finally wake up and set the monkeys loose? Back when the feeds were fun, and life was worth living?  I fear those days are gone forever.

                                                         Have a Dorky Day!

Curious about the condoms? See my July 9 post: The Mystery Of The Missing Condoms

Game Talk Of The Flippity-Floppity Variety

You know the feeds are getting good when you start screaming "Listen to Caleb, he is absolutely right! You gotta listen to Caleb!"  All of a sudden he is the voice of reason, and we sit up and pay attention.  We spend so much time trying to avoid listening to him that it takes us by surprise every time.

About once a week Caleb's brain clears it's cache and cookies, and reboots to reveal a whole new Caleb. He has one rational thought after another.  He spots the flaws in the plan of the moment, and comes up with a simple solution that might just be the better move. He is very calm and patient when he shares this information with his alliance. Caleb just all of a sudden starts making sense.

Last night sensible Caleb tried to get the guys to keep Donny and evict Nicole. Frankie and Derrick were up for it, but only if Cody said yes. Cody said no. No! No! No! He wants Donny gone! The discussion goes on, and they all flip-flop back and forth, except for Cody. Cody only kinda, sorta, maybe, flips one time. Then he flops back into saying "No!".

If only Derrick had given his permission for game talk 6 days ago, we might have had a great week of feeds. Derrick nipped all the buds that could have blossomed into game talk the night Nicole came back into the house. Then he spent the week setting himself up just in case it ever came to this discussion. He let's Caleb and Cody do most of the talking. He pipes in now and then to clarify, or confuse, whichever is called for. He is prepared for whatever they decide.

Frankie is mostly quiet too. He really wants Nicole to go. He is trying  to play it cool, but it's obvious he is getting agitated. He and Derrick work together to let Caleb and Cody think that they are making this decision themselves.

Together in the HOH, they all say they will go with the group. Individually, to each other and to the cameras, they say they have to look out for themselves. Frankie acts really pissed, but pretends to be fine with whatever they decide. Derrick does his thing, and sets himself up to be the good guy no matter what the final decision is. Derrick is tricky that way.

Caleb's brain cache is now on overload and he is slipping back into BeastMode. "Whatever, dude! It don't matter who goes home! We are gonna win all the comps from here to infinity anyhow!" So it looks like Donny is still going home.

While all this flip-flopping was going on, Team America learned that Julie Chen will use a secret code to tell them if we voted for their most recent task to win or fail. During tonight's live show she will ask one of them what Have Not food they would most like to have next week. They will answer "Apple pie!". If they have succeeded, she will say "Wish granted."

If they have failed, she will say "Frankie and Derrick you suck, that stupid play sucked, and the whole Team America twist really, really sucks!!"

I was very tired when I finally went to bed last night, but I am pretty sure I got that last part right.  I am most likely suffering from BB Brain Mush. I better clear my brain cache and reboot.

                                                 Have A Dorky Day!

Team America Bombs On Broadway

BB Broadway was a bomb!  Frankie and Derrick were the only ones in costume. Well, Caleb might have been in costume with his bandanna cap. It's hard to tell with him, because he will take just about anything and wrap it around his head. He definitely was not in drag. Dang it all, that's the only reason I tuned in to watch!
8/24 9:00 p.m. all cams

I still don't get why Frankie kept calling it a Broadway play. It just looked like a regular night in the BB house. Peeps sitting around imitating former house guests. Nothing Broadway about that.

There were some funny moments, with everyone doing pretty poor imitations of evicted hgs. The girls had some fun with it. Derrick and Caleb were terrible.  Frankie was almost funny, but not quite. Donny was the star of the show! His impersonation of Devin was hilarious.! He nailed it!

Overall, it was a dreadful performance. It was mostly bearable, until Frankie did an encore. Then we had five long minutes of misery as Frankie took center stage.  He was in character as Consuela, who I think is supposed to be his Brazillan housekeeper.  It's one of his many characters that we have been subjected to all season.

He said this piece was from "the show", which would indicate he has previously performed this monologue for an audience.  Obviously, an audience of a completely different sort than the people in the room last night, because this audience just didn't get it. It made them very uncomfortable. 

And then, as it goes with most things on BB16, it got even more uncomfortable! Caleb got up and did a really, really, really, bad monologue. He was in character as some kind of psycho thug in the penitentiary.  It was awful!  The hgs just stared at him. Frankie's mouth was hanging open, and he was in shock.  This wasn't Caleb joining in the fun to have a few laughs. This was Caleb acting!

Once again, Caleb has chosen the absolute worst material to use in yet another discover-me-now live feeds audition. It was horrible! All about stabbings, and killings, and punchings, and all kinds of dreadful things. Derrick looked miserable, like he was kissing $5,000 goodbye in his mind.

Caleb switches characters mid sentence and becomes Tater, his hillbilly goofball character.  Tater is mildly amusing, and mostly offensive. But at least we aren't in prison with a crazy man anymore. Frankie starts prompting Tater with questions, trying to get control of the situation.  It's sort of funny for a few minutes, and then Frankie does something terrible.

He was asking Tater about his family, brothers, sisters, babies, etc. Tater's answers are confusing, and Frankie is trying to get Caleb to focus on the funny. And he asks Tater if his sisters have all of their limbs. WTF?  He is sitting in a room with Donny, whose brother has no arms! What kind of let's-have-fun-and-put-on-a-play question is that?

I can't believe that Frankie didn't realize what he was saying. His questions were slow and calculated. But why would he say that on purpose? It was just awful. Why would you say something like this in the middle of a stupid task that you know is airing on BBAD? Team America better not get any money for this task. It was a major fail.

I usually end the post with something humorous. Something light, to leave you feeling good about Big Brother, no matter what fresh nonsense is going on in the feeds. But today I just can't get it up. I'm feeling all cranky and grumbly about Frankie and Team America. I just wish that Caleb had come in drag. I think that BeastMode Drag Queen really could have saved the day!


                                           Have A Dorky Day!

Note: Donny's brother is missing one arm, and his other arm stops before the elbow with an incomplete hand.

Team America: The Broadway Show!

Nothing much happened on the feeds yesterday. Victoria fainted due to dehydration and pain from her wisdom teeth. She was whisked away to receive some IV treatment and is looking much better now. Cody won the POV comp. His alliance threw it to him in a great team effort to keep Donny on the block. This win could not have come at a better time. Just yesterday, Caleb revealed that Donny was the former head of the CIA! Donny is dangerous, and he needs to go!

The only other item of interest yesterday was the new Team America task. Donny told Frankie and Derrick that they had to make up their own mission, and then America will vote on whether it was a success or failure. This task must be completed before the Veto meeting on Monday. Donny suggests that they save someone from the block. Like maybe save him from the block. Because America would want them to stay together!

Oh Donny! This is so sad.  It was so very painful to watch. I suppose it's good that he is still fighting. But this idea is slammed down faster than any other input he has given them on the TA tasks. This idea also has twitter all a'flutter with people saying that Donny has created a fake task to save himself.

It's a weird task for sure. But I think Donny has more respect for the rules, and America, than to use production as a strategy.  Plus, they all talk to the dr about the missions, so it would be discovered as a fake soon enough. I think it's a real task.

Real or not, it will soon cause us all to suffer through an amped up Broadway version of Frankie, as the self appointed leader of this mission.

Frankie wants to put on a show! A Broadway show! And they can all impersonate other hgs! And Caleb can dress up in drag! And Frankie can write, direct, produce, and take all the credit for this task! And Ariana's fans will surely vote for them to win the money!

As I listen to Frankie and Derrick figure out the details for this mission, I am getting more cranky by the minute. This is not a mission! This is what hgs do on Big Brother every season!  They impersonate other hgs. They put on some kind of stupid fashion show, or wedding, or beauty pageant. And every year the guys dress up in drag.

It's what you do when you are on BB and you are bored out of your mind. It's what you do if you crave camera time, and want to show off your special talent for being obnoxious! Why should Team America earn $5,000 each for something the hgs do every year for free?

Well, I am sure that Frankie will explain to the cameras how this is the best show in the history of BB. He has timed it to take place during BBAD. He has mentioned his sister's fans enough to get her attention, so that she can command them to vote for TA to win the money. He has already ruined the next 24 hours of feeds for me, and they haven't even started rehearsing yet!

Frankie and Derrick want us to believe that this task is all about giving Donny another $5,000 before he leaves the house. Donny has become Team America's schools in Africa. My cranky meter is about to blow!!!

Oh well. Maybe I should just sit back and enjoy the show. I'm sure there will be some silliness while the hgs perfect their characters, and practice their dance moves. Caleb in drag could turn out to be his best costume for the day ever! BeastMode Drag Queen might just save the day!

                                                         Have a Dorky Day!

Bye-Bye Zach, Hello Nicole! Frankie...Shut Up!!!

Okay..so...Zach left, Nicole came back, there was no endurance comp, Cody won HOH, and Frankie tried his best to make everything about him. Poop-a-doop!

Zach leaves the house with a sprinkle of Froot Loops and a whole lot of class. This is really hard on Frankie because he loves the guy, but he had to go with what the house wanted. Zach gets to have lots-o-fun in jury house, but Frankie has to live with this really difficult, heartbreaking thing he had to do. It's so hard to be Frankie right now.

Nicole wins her way back into the game, and she tells Frankie his sister was in the audience on double eviction night! It's so great you are back in the house Nicole, but tell me more about my sister! And Nicole saw my sister's billboard!  I mean, My Sister! She has a billboard!

The Bomb Squad has an emergency meeting and Derrick commands them all to never speak to Nicole behind closed doors. No one-on-one convos with Nicole allowed. Derrick is positively petrified that Nicole will try to defend herself against all the lies he and the Bomb Squad have told each other about her. After they all agree to this plan, Frankie leaves the room to give Nicole a smoochy hug, and tell her how happy he is that she is back. And now he wants to hear more about his sister's billboard!

And then, Cody wins the HOH. Frankie tells him they make such a great team! Frankie hosting, and Cody winning, that's teamwork!  Yay for Frankie!  Within minutes of the HOH reveal, Frankie shows up with his bags to move in for the week. Cody says please, please, can I just sleep alone for one night?  Is that okay Frankie? Don't be mad, please, please.  Ugh! And double ugh!

Nicole does manage to get some alone time with Cody. How did that happen? Where is the Bomb Squad special battalion of the Closed Door Patrol?  Slacking already!  Her talk with Cody does her no good whatsoever, but at least she tried.

The night devolved into a Donny and Nicole bash-fest. We had a brief intermission when Victoria was whining to Derrick about her Zings. She is worried that people think she is not playing the game. She is playing, playing hard! She cut up Zach's hat didn't she?  She doesn't want to disappoint production! Production? WTF??

He seemed really irritated by her whining. He had to talk her down while keeping an eye on all those closed doors. And where is Nicole? She could be unraveling his spool of lies this very minute! Derrick's paranoia is working triple overtime, and Victoria is getting on his last nerve.

It's gonna be a long week for feed watchers. We are hoping for a Pandora's box intervention. Visions of  the Diamond Power Of Veto dance in our head.  Can Nicole survive the week so that she can win the next HOH comp? Which, by the way, better be endurance, or live feeders everywhere will be turning off the live feeds forever! Will Donny find a Pop-Tarts coup d'etat next time he visits the diary room?  I hope so!

But if things keep going the way they are, and it looks like Donny is heading to the jury house, I sure hope he jumps right into the middle of the next Bomb Squad cuddle-fest and asks them all to play with his beard.

As Donny would say: If you can't beat them, do your best to freak them the hell out!

                                                               Have a Dorky Day!

Bomb Squad: The Best Worst Alliance Ever!

Wow! The Bomb Squad caught Donny talking game! They are so smart! Nothing gets past them. They also caught him looking at the HOH spy screen when he was up in the HOH with them! He actually looked at the screen! How dare him!! Plus, they figured out that Zach and Donny have had an alliance from day one! I didn't know that! Did you know that?

Cody knew that! He told them all a long time ago:

     Cody:  Remember when I said Donny was dangerous?
     Bomb Squad:  Um..yeah..well..no...
     Cody:  Yeah, I said it! I remember! I think I said it! Did I say it?
     Bomb Squad:  Well..um..maybe..yeah, you probably did say that!
     Cody:  Maybe I thought I said it, but really only thought it.
     Bomb Squad: Well, you definitely thought it dude!
     Cody:  And I said the same thing about Zach!  I know for sure I thought it.
     Bomb Squad: I think we saw you thinking one day!
     Cody: And then I thought, those two are working together!
     Bomb Squad:  Yeah, you do think out loud sometimes, dude.
     Cody: I knew it!

So, Cody is a BB genius!  And so is Caleb!  Caleb went into CreepMode yesterday and did his sneaky slithering thing up on the balcony outside HOH.  And he heard Zach and Donny say things. Very important things!  He heard Donny say that everyone was shunning him! He also heard Zach tell him that there never was an orange Skittle for Donny in the drawing for noms!  That proves everything! They are in an alliance!

A very powerful super-alliance that consists of one hg sure to be evicted tomorrow, and another hg who has absolutely no one to work with in this game.  They immediately go to code red alert!  They jump up and down and start fighting over who gets to call Donny out!

Cody really wants to do it. He wants to call him out right NOW!  Or maybe tomorrow? That might be better. Or after the HOH? What do you think? Or better yet after the POV. Yes, that's it. After the POV, Cody is pretty sure he will most likely be calling Donny out!

While Cody is looking for his day planner to pencil in the calling out, Derrick is fuming and sputtering about his own calling out plans. Donny told Christine that if he wins the HOH he will choose noms from a bag of M&M's. Derrick swears, on his daughters life, that he will smack that bag of M&M's out of Donny's hand if he dares to do that! How insulting to use M&M's for noms! Donny is a mad man! Doesn't he know that Skittles are the only BB approved nom candies?

Meanwhile, Victoria is jealous of all the time Derrick has been spending with Christine. And Cody is jealous of this too!  And there was one whole hour yesterday when Cody had to play with his hair himself, because Christine and Victoria were busy spending time together.  Dude, that's just wrong!

Frankie wants everyone to make Zach tell them his Donny secrets. Make him spill his Donny beans. But first, he wants to go cook another fish. He leaves the bean spilling details to his trusty alliance.

The Bomb Squad. The absolute Best-Worst-Alliance in Big Brother history.

                                                                 Have A Dorky Day!

#PinkHatProject

Yesterday was another mostly lazy day on the feeds.  Derrick was working everyone, in his own lazy way. Hey dude! While we are sitting here just enjoying an easy week, let me plant some seeds in the fertile ground of your bored-to-tears brain. He broke down the big picture for each house guest. He had a slightly different big picture for each of them. Derrick is tricky that way.

Zach was trying his best to see this big picture. He wants to know just how big is this big picture? And where is it hiding? Who is in charge of this big picture?  Zach tried to paint his own big picture for them, but nobody showed any interest.

Donny and Zach had a few good convos about working together if Zach comes back in the house after he is evicted. It was kind of exciting to think it could happen, and kind of sad because it probably won't. They both seemed to be speaking the truth to each other.

Frankie and Cody had a convo about being super close, and super tight, and super bff's. And nobody even suspects that they are super-duper working together! Frankie fed Cody some more super lies, and Cody thought they were super delicious. It was a really super convo.

Cody and Christine may have talked game, but I cannot watch them anymore, so if they did I missed it. Caleb, Derrick, and Frankie had a long convo about Cody and Christine being so close even after the Zings they got from Zingbot. Caleb seems very concerned about this. He deems it inappropriate. BeastMode Bunny Slippers, newly released from StalkMance Rehab, is deeply offended by their unseemly behavior.

Victoria and Christine talked about how Donny is an evil, conniving, pervert. They seemed focused on the pervert part. Seriously? They are living in a house with guys who hump each other every five minutes, have running gags about balls and holes, share daily reports on Jack Shack activities, and Donny is the perv?

Victoria spent most of the day obsessing about the symbolism of the shredded pink hat.  She hopes that her parents are proud of her for taking a knife to that hat. Her own hat, her own property, which she gave to Zach and then took back. She really wants him to go berzerkers about that hat. Her eyes get all dreamy when she thinks about it.

The Shredding Of The Pink Hat has had a galvanizing effect on live feeders. Up until the shredding, most of us were hoping that the pink hat would meet a fiery death in that comp where the hgs each have to burn one article of clothing. We hated that hat. Zach fidgeted with that hat all the time.  That hat was the pink cherry on the cake of his ridiculous daily attire.

But now, fickle feeders that we are, we take the hat shredding and we create our own symbolism. We form our own Pink Hat Alliance and spread the word far and wide. We send pink hat care packages to live feeders on the West Coast, so that they can throw them over the wall of the BB back yard, to show our Zach love!

#PinkHatProject will soon be trending world wide. If even one pink hat sails over that wall to land at Zach's feet, we will have done our part to create a whole new level of paranoia in that BB house! And if Victoria so much as looks at that pink hat sideways, we will implement #OperationBlackCrow, and she will be carried away to a land where no princess has ever gone before!!!

                                                 Have a Dorky Day!