Finally, The Finale!

So....the finale wasn't quite as bad as I expected. Not as good as I had hoped for either. Happens every year.  Julie builds me up, only to smash me down.

Hooray for Derrick! He worked 24/7, double-triple-overtime, to win BB16 . I kind of like that Cody took Derrick to F2. I admire loyalty, and I like it better when there are two game players at the end. And Victoria didn't cry! You go girl!

And Donny won AFP! Or was it AFH? Whatever, five million votes! That's pretty awesome. And what a great job Julie did with that reveal! You just know that Frankie thought he had gotten ten million votes, all for his own self! His reaction was priceless! That almost made up for how bad the rest of the show was.

Then we move to the back yard interviews. That reporter was terrible! Has he ever used a microphone before?  Those questions were ridiculous! And I think the camera dude was the last surviving live feed switch intern. He dropped the camera!

Hee hee! Donny confessed that he was the one who crossed out Victoria's name in the bathroom! Some peeps are really mad at him for this, but I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. His back yard interviews were the best! He is hilarious! I want to make him a tee shirt:

I'm trending on Twitter

....whatever that is.

Zach was so cool! Just chillin. Happy for everybody. Cody just wants to have some beers with Big Jeff. All the hgs except for Jocasta and Devin were pretty gracious about everything. Jocasta was still trying to build her church, and Devin simply has no idea how to talk to people. He just smiled and said stupid things that ended up sounding just plain rude.

And suddenly, Blankie! That's my new name for him. I just made it up right now, this very minute! I want to blank him out of my BB memories. He was so all about him, all over the place last night. Dancing and prancing and kicking and singing and posing and all those things he does to keep the cameras on him. Ugh.

Today I am resisting all urges to click on anything Blankie related. I'm not gonna click, share, like, retweet, or look at anything that's about Blankie.  Blankie on The Talk? Not looking! Blankie jets off to SNL?  Not caring!  HA!  I'll show him!!!

All the hgs can now go back to being who they are in real life. I wish them all well. They entertained me for almost 3 months, We have had our fickle way with them, and now their life is their own again. 

Everyone but Blankie. Blankie just makes me all kinds of cranky. I want to white him out from the BB16 story, but I can't. Well, maybe I can!  It's my very own dorky blog after all. I could, if I wanted to, go back through all my posts and Frankie! And make him Blankie!!! 

Oh my Gawd, that's a lot of work. That would take me days and days. Also, most likely, nobody would ever notice!  I'm still worn out from last night, I have no energy for a project of this magnitude. But I can Blankie his ass out of all future posts!  

#AnyOneButBlankie   For the good of all!!!

Have a Dorky Day!

Goodbye Back Yard, It's Been Real !

Last night the final three said goodbye to the back yard. Goodbye hammock. Goodbye fake grass. BB has told them they will be locking down the back yard Tuesday at 7:00 am. Goodbye pool. Goodbye hot tub.

All of these goodbyes while laying on wet astroturf to reenact last season's final three goodbye's. They share back yard memories. This takes quite a while. Cody and Victoria get a little fidgety, but Derrick is just laying under his BB sky soaking it all in. Goodbye barking spiders. (barking spiders??!!!)  Goodbye ants.

They already took the last swing on the hammock. And right before that, Victoria had one last try at getting Derrick to admit he had promised her f2:

Victoria: Can you just admit?
Derrick:  Admit what?
Victoria: That you said the thing...
Derrick:  I said what you think I said, but my intentions were obviously different than you thought they were.
Victoria: So we never had a final two?
Derrick:  I don't think we did.
Victoria: Sigh........

Goodbye weights.  Goodbye couches. Goodbye pillows.

Derrick says they gotta put the cover on the pool table for the last time. I never saw them do this before. I think this is the first time they have ever used that cover. But they are caught up in a Fellini film moment as they say their last words at the pool table funeral. Cody is so sad he might just cry.

Did Derrick get a final Team America mission? A mission to:
A) creep me out, or B) make Cody cry?

Cody writes his name in the dew on the grill cover. A bird shrieks in the night.  I'm getting a little freaked out here. They are all strolling around aimlessly thinking morbid goodbye thoughts. Goodbye washer. Goodbye dryer.

BB: Holla! Froot Loop Dingus!

Thank goodness Zach is here in spirit, to comfort us during the last moments of the saddest ever BB back yard memorial service.

BB scares them with a lockdown announcement. They all freak out and panic. BB announces lockdown is over. They calm down and continue with their goodbyes. They are sad, and tired, and acting pretty damn weird. Goodbye camera pole in the middle of the yard.

They finally head inside to get ready for bed. Thank gawd this nonsense is over! Then Derrick runs back outside for one last goodbye. He races over to the pool. Goodbye Ducky!

BB is playing some really weird sound over the loudspeakers. It sounds like that creepy freaky sound in that movie The Langoliers. It's freaking me the fook out! Maybe its barking spiders! Is that what they sound like?

They just ignore the sound and make a bedtime snack. I would make one too, but the lights are off in my kitchen, and I just know there are barking spiders waiting for me.  And I know what they will shriek at me with that awful Langoliers barking spider sound. Goodbye Dorky!

                                    Have a Dorky Day!

This Final Three Is Killing Me!

The final days in the BB house are designed to make everyone go completely bonkers. The feeds get sooooooo boring, the hgs are sooooooo bored. Game talk is circular, repetitive, mind numbing. At this point in the season my skull is sloshing with a puddle of BB brain-mush.

This particular final three is seriously close to driving each other insane. Cody is cussing up a storm about everything.  He is hyper to the max. He has completely lost patience with Victoria. He wants Derrick to please just make her shut the fook up! Tell her there is no hope! Squash that girl's BB dreams right this minute!

Ever since Cody outed The Hitmen during Caleb's eviction, Victoria has been a little cranky. After Derrick won part two of the final HOH, she has been on a mission to get direct answers from him about who he would take to the final two.

But she is doing it in her own special Victoria way. She hammers away at him for hours, talking so low you can barely hear her. She also speaks in sentence fragments that mostly make no sense. She wants direct answers, but rarely asks a direct question. It's driving Derrick and Cody crazy!. Me too!

I kind of want her to just start screaming at them demanding answers! I wish she would just give them hell for these final days. Victoria actually thinks she has played a good game. She has almost convinced herself that she has brought Derrick to the end with her game play. This whole Hitmen alliance business is really pissing her off.

I think she really wants to get mad, but still holds some small hope that she will be taken to the final two by one of these guys. I bet Victoria is a glorious force to be reckoned with when she is truly furious. That pink hat incident was just a tease.  I want to see her spit fire and spew Hebrew! I want her to get all Victoria Princess Warrior on their asses!!! Yes, please!

Derrick tells her so many versions of why he shouldn't take her to the final two, it's no wonder the poor girl can't speak in complete sentences. But he never tells her point blank that he isn't taking her. He talks around it. He is slowly, methodically, painfully working her for a jury vote. Derrick is tricky that way.

Cody says that if Derrick doesn't tell her she has no chance of final two, he will tell her himself.  He wants Victoria to stop following Derrick around. Cody just wants to have a good time being Big Brother's Most-Amazing-Secret-Alliance-Final-Two-Ever, and Victoria is ruining all of his fun!  His Hitmen reveal seems to have gone to his head. He may actually follow through on this threat, if Derrick doesn't finally just tell her he is taking Cody to the end.

Meanwhile, it's hard for me to believe these guys are really not planning to take Victoria to final two. Are they lying to each other? Are they lying to us? I never get it right at the end. My brain hurts just thinking about it.  My final two predictions are always completely wrong. Well, I am mostly wrong the whole season, but I am always crazy wrong in the end. BB brain-mush FTW!

                                         Have a Dorky Day!


.

Bye Bye Caleb! Hello Final Three!!!

Caleb looked so sad when he got evicted. But then he perked right up when he saw the live audience and all those cameras! He gave Julie a flower!  Not as romantic as a pickle banana, but a lovely gesture all the same. Then he posed for the cameras and blocked Julie's shot! BeastMode style!

And we are left with the final three. Cody, Derrick, and Victoria finally get the endurance comp they have been begging for all season.  It was a beautiful set, with rainbow hang gliders, a beautiful sky, and all kinds of scenery. And we had wind, and rain, and lightning.  And then they just kinda stood there, hanging on. 

Was it just me, or was this comp pretty boring?  After Victoria dropped I just lost interest. Then Derrick failed in his roundabout way of getting Cody to drop. I figured that between Derrick and Cody it didn't really matter who won, so I went to bed. I am a sad excuse for a BB blogger. Pitiful!

Cody won!  Derrick and Cody were happy. Victoria was a little pissy. She asked Derrick if he had thrown the comp.  He turned it around pretty quick, saying maybe he should suspect her of throwing it. Crisis averted. Then they all just sat around being the final three. 

Derrick and Cody have a few quick convos about the coming comps, final two, and the fame and glory of The Hit Men alliance. Derrick and Victoria have some convos about their own secret alliance, that for some reason has no alliance name. Then I think they sort of officially make up from their fake fight, in front of Cody. Not that she would ever give Derrick her vote. No, Cody, don't you fret about that.

Meanwhile, Victoria is still worried about her hair. She and Cody talked about Amber constantly asking Victoria if she wore extensions. She starts to tell us about Ariana's hair loss, and we get fish. (CBS is still kissing Grande butt.)  Anyway, she promised to show him her real hair. She keeps saying that she doesn't want anyone to see her without extensions, then she asks if they want to see. If Victoria makes it to final two, she might just reveal her hair to the jury.

She is also worried about what to wear on finale night. BB has all her nice clothes, and she is really getting ticked off about it. This girl has complained after every single nomination, comp, and ceremony, all season. Even when she was absolutely safe, she would complain or worry. Right after Caleb was evicted she started complaining about her clothes. You are in the final three!!! Stop complaining!

So now we wait for part two of the HOH comp. And then we will wait for the finale. There is a lot to be revealed on finale night. How will the hgs respond to the Team America twist? How will Team America feel about failing a mission they thought they nailed? 

And if Derrick wins, what kind of crazy riot will erupt when Julie tells them that Derrick won an extra $50,000?  I can picture them all now, counting on their fingers how much money Derrick won! This should be a lot of fun. But Frankie will have to be part of this reveal, damn it.  He will have one more opportunity to be the star of the show. Ugh! 

It will be fun when Donny's secret identity as a groundskeeper is revealed! I hope we have a close up of Caleb and Frankie when they discover that Donny got an acting gig!!! And then we have America's Favorite Player! If the planets are aligned in our favor, either Zach or Donny will win this coveted award. And that close up of Frankie, when he realizes that he hasn't won AFP, will be the icing on the cake of my BB16 finale! 

                                               Have a Dorky Day!

I

We Made It To The Final Four!!

Remember that guy who was on BB16?  That little weasel who tried to use his celebrity sister, and some charity, to win the game?  He was a real camera hog, always singing and dancing and doing stupid stuff to get attention? He was such a diva. I think he had pink hair, or maybe it was blue?  And CBS kissed his glittery butt? And Julie acted like a silly fangirl when he was finally evicted? I just can't remember his name. Oh, never mind, it doesn't really matter.

So, here we are at the final four! I can't believe we made it this far. Only one more week to go! Derrick is the new HOH. Caleb and Victoria are on the block. Cody won the veto.  It's looking like Caleb will be going to jury. Things could change, but I think that Derrick will make sure that Caleb goes. He's tricky that way!

Caleb is most definitely nervousing.  Doing a lot of pacing. Looking very serious. Dreaming up killer speeches for the veto ceremony. He is looking worried, and a wee bit sad.

I have to say that I will be a wee bit sad if Caleb doesn't make it to final three. He has provided us with endless hours of entertainment. The first few weeks of Caleb feeds were awesome! He came up with one delusion after another, and each delusional episode required a new ridiculous costume. And he made a pickle banana!

He channeled all the scariest BB stalkers into one epic StalkMance. He gave us hours and hours of creepy stalker Amber love scenarios. Endless hours. Painful hours. Days and days of hours and hours of obsessing about Amber.

Ok, now that I have walked down memory lane with BeastMode Cowboy, I might not be too sad if he doesn't make it to final three. It might be a relief.

But then we would be left with Victoria. Yes, it's fun to wish for a crazy win for Victoria, just to show the bros a thing or two. But at least Caleb was playing the game. Of course, he did have to learn the game first, since he had no idea how BB works. Victoria seemed completely oblivious to the game for most of the season. Victoria in the final three would be a hoot for sure.  It might just happen.

She is convinced she will win the endurance part of the final HOH. No doubt. Guaranteed. She told Derrick she is going to crush it. End of story. They talk about the first endurance comp, the first HOH.  She tells him that she would have won that comp if it wasn't for her extensions. Turns out the extensions weighed ten pounds after they were sprayed with all that goop. And every time the log turned her upside down, they would hang down and really hurt her head  Her extensions caused her so much pain that she had to drop.

Those extensions have caused her so much trouble and worry. Last night, before she washed her hair up in the HOH shower, she told Derrick all about her hair. Well, she didn't tell him why her hair fell out, that part is still a mystery. But she did explain how traumatized she was when it happened. She is still so ashamed and mortified that I can't even make fun of her.That's kind of how it's been all season. She is so odd, so ditzy, so bad at this game, and yet I kind of like her for making it this far in spite of herself.
9/17  2:45 a.m. cam 1

Here she is in the final four, and she is still so worried that the hgs know she wears extensions, that they might see her without them. After her shower she shows Derrick her real hair. She lets him touch it. Brave little princess. Maybe she needs to go to the jury house now, so she can have some privacy to get her hair ready for the finale. Run away little princess, run while you can.
9/17  3:19 a.m. cam 1

I can't wait for tonight's show, and then the endurance comp we have all been waiting for. I hope and pray that BB lets us see the rest of the comp on the feeds. It better be the endurance comp to beat all endurance comps. We deserve it. We made it to the final four! We survived!!! Live feeders FTW!

                                             Have a Dorky Day!

It's Craft Activity Day at BB16 Summer Camp!

Big Brother gave the hgs alcohol last night, and Victoria drank almost a whole bottle of wine. She was a bit tipsy to say the least. Derrick kept telling her to stop, but she kept right on drinking. She got all flirty, and giggly, and seriously annoying. She kept smiling at Derrick. She followed him around just like the old days. She obviously forgot every last bit of her secret agent training. At one point she could barely keep her eyes open, but she would not go to sleep until the guys went to sleep.

After she spent almost an hour telling Caleb how wonderful he is, Caleb returned the favor in that special BeastMode way he has:

Victoria: Love you Caleb
Caleb: Love you too.
   (insert extremely long awkward hug here)
Caleb: You done good. Not gonna say you are the best competitor.....
Victoria: Well, I have done good socially. I never stirred up anything, I stayed loyal
Caleb: Yep! You have done exactly all you needed to do. (which is his way of saying she has done absolutely nothing)
Victoria: Aww, thanks Caleb

While this was going on upstairs, Cody and Derrick were having their own very strange convo downstairs. First they swore to never, ever, nominate each other when they get to final four. They repeat this promise to each other several times. And then they decide that it might just be better to nominate each other after all!

This will make Caleb feel all comfy cozy with them, just in case he wins the veto. Maybe they are the ones who drank all the wine last night, because nowhere in this convo do they seem to remember that Caleb would be the only one voting in this scenario. Another no fail plan by the rag tag remnants of the Best-Worst-Alliance-Ever!

They all finally go to bed, but Derrick, Frankie, and Victoria are all up about an hour later because they can't sleep. It's cereal time! What would BB be without cereal, chips, chomping mouths , and smacking lips? Frankie takes his cereal outside and chomp-smacks away as he performs for the live feeders.

Then he tells us what he will do after BB. The life of a social media mogul-o-maniac superstar of Big Brother is rough on the body. Turns out he has a long list of doctors he plans to see ASAP. He tells his mom to start making appointments, STAT!!

• Dermatologist is his first stop.
• Podiatrist, for his left ankle and foot, which he says he injured in a comp
• Dentist, as he rolls his tongue around inside his mouth
• Orthopedic surgeon, for his back. His eyes go a little dreamy as he imagines the dire diagnosis 
• Complete blood work-up, to check his mercury levels from all the tuna he's been eating. His eyes are still a little dreamy, because blood work might reveal he has all kinds of parasites and poisons from the horrid conditions under which he has been forced to live for three months
• General Doctor, to catch anything the specialists might have missed
• Ear, Nose, & Throat Doctor, because, OMG, because of everything.
• And he needs to get his whole body waxed!!!

His mom is going to be pretty busy. Between making all these appointments, her twitter wars, and trying to get all those Ariana tween fans to stop tweeting and actually vote for Frankie to win America's Favorite Player, she has such a lot to do!

A little later Derrick is trying to talk some game sense into a still tipsy Victoria. He gets so frustrated that he almost slips and tells her he's a cop! Left alone after the convo, he tells us that was a very close call. He almost blew his entire game! He seems pretty shook up.

Well, they are all gonna be shook up today! The Fabulous Frankie Eviction should take place this afternoon!!! The hgs have been promised an activity day. This means BB will tape them doing something crafty while they pretend it's night time, to fool the BBAD viewers. BB is tricky that way!

As I write this, the hgs have awakened to discover tie dye kits in the storage room. They are mostly underwhelmed. Caleb is still listening for the doorbell, hoping for a celebrity with a diesel truck full of cash to walk in the door. They still have no idea about today's eviction as the feeds go down and we get those stupid Jeff videos.

Most likely the feeds will be down until after Tuesday's, or maybe even Wednesday's show. Typically, this is your chance to get some housework done, visit with friends you haven't seen all season, and stock up on snacks for this weeks episodes.  But you are all busy watching Utopia live feeds, so I fear there is no hope for you getting anything done before the eviction show.

Well, I for one have resisted all urges to sign up for my Utopia passport, free or paid. I just don't trust Fox with my personal info. I am Fox-phobic. And I can't get any of the other free Utopia feeds sites to work. So I guess it's up to me. There will be no dorky blog tomorrow. I'll be too busy slipping flat snack foods under your doors so you don't starve to death under Hex's new Anarchy regime!

                                      Have a Dorky Day!
 

Even Alcohol Can't Save This Season!

Another mostly boring day of feeds. Frankie did not get picked to play in the POV comp, and this really pissed him off. He was absolutely livid! That was actually kind of fun to watch. He's been complaining all season about never getting picked for POV. Yesterday he kept saying that from here on in he is guaranteed to play.  He said this a zillion, trillion, times! Was anybody listening? Nope!

They missed his secret coded message: "This is your last chance to backdoor me you silly people!" They just skipped right over that, and started whining about Victoria getting to play in this veto comp. They hate her lack of game play with a passion! A passion that blinds them to a big game move opportunity. Such a silly bunch of dodo heads!

Meanwhile, Christine wins the veto!  This gives them the perfect chance to get Frankie out! It might be their last shot! Do they realize this? I don't think so. They talk about how paranoid he is. They list how he has thrown each of them under the bus. They think he can win just about any kind of comp. They all agree that he will probably turn on them as soon as he has the chance.

And then....and then.... they decide that Victoria should still go up as the replacement nom!  Wow! What a genius plan!  More thrilling game strategy brought to you by The-Best-Worst-Dodo-Head-Alliance-Ever!

Caleb is all about getting his alliance to final five. It doesn't seem to matter that this plan might ruin his game. Caleb wants to make BB history. He thinks getting them to final five will make them famous beyond his wildest dreams. Parades, limousines, recording contracts, and Oscar nominations all seem to hinge on this alliance making it to the final five.

Earlier, Caleb and Cody had made big plans for a night of drinking. I think they had leftover booze from the night before. As they were looking forward to their drunken evening, Frankie caused a twitter uproar by making a horrid suggestion concerning Victoria. I won't repeat it, but it was very crude and thoughtless. Frankie is showing his true nasty self more every day. I turned off the feeds at this point, I had to take a break and think happy thoughts.
8/30 2:21 pm cam 3/4

I tune in later in the evening and Cody is wearing a dinosaur costume as a punishment for being the first one out of the veto comp. Caleb, Cody, and Victoria are the only ones drinking. BB gives them another booze delivery and they all get pretty wasted. Caleb is so loaded he fell down the stairs. It looked like a pretty bad fall, but he's okay. Cody and Caleb have a drunken convo about a final three deal of Caleb/Cody/ Derrick. Outside in the hammock, Derrick listens to Frankie pitch a final three deal of Frankie/ Caleb/Derrick.

So here we are in the BB house with a booze delivery, a dino costume, final three deals left and right, and it's just no fun. They get more alcohol and I decide to go to bed? That's just crazy talk! Not a good sign when even a booze delivery can't save the night.

                                                 Have a Dorky Day!

Game Talk Of The Flippity-Floppity Variety

You know the feeds are getting good when you start screaming "Listen to Caleb, he is absolutely right! You gotta listen to Caleb!"  All of a sudden he is the voice of reason, and we sit up and pay attention.  We spend so much time trying to avoid listening to him that it takes us by surprise every time.

About once a week Caleb's brain clears it's cache and cookies, and reboots to reveal a whole new Caleb. He has one rational thought after another.  He spots the flaws in the plan of the moment, and comes up with a simple solution that might just be the better move. He is very calm and patient when he shares this information with his alliance. Caleb just all of a sudden starts making sense.

Last night sensible Caleb tried to get the guys to keep Donny and evict Nicole. Frankie and Derrick were up for it, but only if Cody said yes. Cody said no. No! No! No! He wants Donny gone! The discussion goes on, and they all flip-flop back and forth, except for Cody. Cody only kinda, sorta, maybe, flips one time. Then he flops back into saying "No!".

If only Derrick had given his permission for game talk 6 days ago, we might have had a great week of feeds. Derrick nipped all the buds that could have blossomed into game talk the night Nicole came back into the house. Then he spent the week setting himself up just in case it ever came to this discussion. He let's Caleb and Cody do most of the talking. He pipes in now and then to clarify, or confuse, whichever is called for. He is prepared for whatever they decide.

Frankie is mostly quiet too. He really wants Nicole to go. He is trying  to play it cool, but it's obvious he is getting agitated. He and Derrick work together to let Caleb and Cody think that they are making this decision themselves.

Together in the HOH, they all say they will go with the group. Individually, to each other and to the cameras, they say they have to look out for themselves. Frankie acts really pissed, but pretends to be fine with whatever they decide. Derrick does his thing, and sets himself up to be the good guy no matter what the final decision is. Derrick is tricky that way.

Caleb's brain cache is now on overload and he is slipping back into BeastMode. "Whatever, dude! It don't matter who goes home! We are gonna win all the comps from here to infinity anyhow!" So it looks like Donny is still going home.

While all this flip-flopping was going on, Team America learned that Julie Chen will use a secret code to tell them if we voted for their most recent task to win or fail. During tonight's live show she will ask one of them what Have Not food they would most like to have next week. They will answer "Apple pie!". If they have succeeded, she will say "Wish granted."

If they have failed, she will say "Frankie and Derrick you suck, that stupid play sucked, and the whole Team America twist really, really sucks!!"

I was very tired when I finally went to bed last night, but I am pretty sure I got that last part right.  I am most likely suffering from BB Brain Mush. I better clear my brain cache and reboot.

                                                 Have A Dorky Day!

Cody! Shut It Down!!!

There is a long list of do's and don'ts every BB hg should carry with them. Here are just a few items on this list:

Don't:

• Eat with your mouth open or talk with your mouth full
• Pick your nose or scratch your nuggets
• Snuggle and cuddle 24/7, ad nauseam, with another hg, especially one that is married.

Do:

• Wash your hands when you go to the bathroom 
• Change your sheets, and your underwear
• Listen up when other hgs rag on you for cuddling so much with another (married) hg all the time
• Pay attention when Zingbot rags on you for the same thing! 

I have to switch cams every time I see a Cody & Christine cuddle-grope going on. What the hell is Cody doing?  Why is he still touching her? Why is he letting her touch him? Why hasn't one of the guys given him a good smack upside the head?

They seemed to restrain themselves a bit right after Zingbot called them out. That lasted about 15 minutes! But then they started up again, with a vengeance!  It's like watching an octopus! So many arms and tentacles latching on to random body parts. Stroking, holding, rubbing, tickling, poking, grabbing, pulling!  I can't stand it one more minute! Cody! Shut It Down!

He has made it to the final eight. He has strong players in his alliance telling him he spends too much time with Christine. They express their concern about all this cuddling. They tease him and call him out. Zingbot poked him in the chest and zinged him a new one!!! Does he listen? Nope!

Cody keeps telling Derrick that he doesn't trust Christine, she won't leave him alone, and she is driving him crazy. But five minutes later he and Christine are on cam again, all wrapped around each other. They were talking about how they didn't give a damn that everyone says they cuddle too much.  Who cares if the other hgs think they spend way too much time together? They say "Fook them, let's cuddle some more right now!"

Fook you Cody! Fook you Christine! Thanks to you I have to switch cams, and suffer through an hour of BeastMode Cowboy talking about his imaginary future as a superstar. Or I end up in the bathtub with Frankie as he tells the live feeders how fabulous he is. Yesterday, I listened to 20 minutes of Donny's crazy bird whistles, because the other cam was up in the HOH with the cuddle monsters!

The only thing worse than watching Cody & Christine cuddling all day would be if this creepy cuddle-mance turned into an even more creepy show-mance.  Because then they would be smooching! Oh my gawd!!! Can you imagine that?  No! No, don't even think about that! Visions of them smooching, all slobbery, with giant octopus arms all over each other, are making my head hurt!

No! Please don't ever let them be smooching! Let's all just calm the fook down and never think such thoughts again!

                                                Have a Dorky Day!

Caleb Is 150% Sure That Donny Is A Dadgum Genius!

Yesterday, Caleb gathered more intel on Donny, the most dangerous Big Brother player in all the land. Caleb has had Donny under surveillance for most of this season. It was Caleb who discovered that Donny was ex-military, just by looking at his hairless ankles. Donny claims the hairs were rubbed off by his tall socks. Caleb informed his alliance that hairless ankles are a sure sign that Donny is ex-military. Caleb was the first to blow Donny's cover. And he's been on the case ever since.

They all agree that Donny has been lying about his occupation. Hours upon hours have been spent speculating on his true identity. The speculation has reached a new frenzy now that there are only 8 players left. And yesterday, Caleb revealed startling new evidence against Donny. 

Are you ready for it? It's really big! Shocking! Conclusive! Mind blowing!

Donny ate a Sour Patch Kids candy! Caleb saw it! Caleb was there! And Donny said it reminded him of the good old days! And that right there proves he was in the military! Mind blowing! My mind is blown, isn't yours? My mind was so blown that I completely forgot to check the time on this convo, sorry about that.

Caleb told Cody and Derrick that in the army they give you MRE's, Meals Ready To Eat. And in the MRE packet there is always a piece of candy. A piece of sour candy! And Donny was sucking on that Sour Patch candy, saying how it reminded him of old times, and Caleb was right there when he said it! And when he said "old times" he looked right into Caleb's eyes, like he was telling him something! And Caleb knew, because Caleb is military too!

But wait! There's more! Later on, in the living room, Caleb reveals more proof of Donny's secret life as a military genius. Caleb was watching Donny earlier, and Donny was all fidgety, and his eyes, his eyes! Caleb saw Donny make squares with his eyes! Donny was looking at that square pattern up on the ceiling, and his eyes were making squares!!!

This proves that Donny is a genius! Because sometimes, when you are so genius, so smart, you have to be thinking even when you are not thinking!  And making squares with your eyes is a sure sign you are thinking and not thinking at the same time!!!

While Derrick and Cody are listening to this, you can see that they are thinking that Caleb is completely koo-koo! You can tell they are trying so hard not to laugh.  But they don't laugh! Nope! 

They are members of the Best-Worst -Alliance ever, and they act accordingly. They jump right in and list all the other signs that point to Donny being an evil genius military mastermind. The camouflage clothing, the early bedtime and early wake up, the use of large words, his use of medical terms, his beard, his eating habits, his cricket whistle, etc.

Caleb lays one more piece of evidence on them. It turns out that Donny has been using OCD as a cover to hide his military intelligence training. The way that Donny packs his drawers, and lines up his belongings on the nightstand, reveals that he is either  military intelligence or a weapons designer! This is actually old intel, but when you add this to the Sour Patch Kids evidence, it is obvious that Donny is a Secret Military Weapons Master!

8/22 4:48 p.m. cam 1-2

Caleb is going to stay on the case. His goal is to get Donny to confess everything. He already informed Donny that he was onto him. He told Donny "You are a genius, and you are making the rest of us look stupid!" And Donny didn't even deny it!  Did not deny it at all! He just said  "I appreciate that." So, there you go, he is 100% a dadgum genius! 

                                                          Have a Dorky Day!

Bye-Bye Zach, Hello Nicole! Frankie...Shut Up!!!

Okay..so...Zach left, Nicole came back, there was no endurance comp, Cody won HOH, and Frankie tried his best to make everything about him. Poop-a-doop!

Zach leaves the house with a sprinkle of Froot Loops and a whole lot of class. This is really hard on Frankie because he loves the guy, but he had to go with what the house wanted. Zach gets to have lots-o-fun in jury house, but Frankie has to live with this really difficult, heartbreaking thing he had to do. It's so hard to be Frankie right now.

Nicole wins her way back into the game, and she tells Frankie his sister was in the audience on double eviction night! It's so great you are back in the house Nicole, but tell me more about my sister! And Nicole saw my sister's billboard!  I mean, My Sister! She has a billboard!

The Bomb Squad has an emergency meeting and Derrick commands them all to never speak to Nicole behind closed doors. No one-on-one convos with Nicole allowed. Derrick is positively petrified that Nicole will try to defend herself against all the lies he and the Bomb Squad have told each other about her. After they all agree to this plan, Frankie leaves the room to give Nicole a smoochy hug, and tell her how happy he is that she is back. And now he wants to hear more about his sister's billboard!

And then, Cody wins the HOH. Frankie tells him they make such a great team! Frankie hosting, and Cody winning, that's teamwork!  Yay for Frankie!  Within minutes of the HOH reveal, Frankie shows up with his bags to move in for the week. Cody says please, please, can I just sleep alone for one night?  Is that okay Frankie? Don't be mad, please, please.  Ugh! And double ugh!

Nicole does manage to get some alone time with Cody. How did that happen? Where is the Bomb Squad special battalion of the Closed Door Patrol?  Slacking already!  Her talk with Cody does her no good whatsoever, but at least she tried.

The night devolved into a Donny and Nicole bash-fest. We had a brief intermission when Victoria was whining to Derrick about her Zings. She is worried that people think she is not playing the game. She is playing, playing hard! She cut up Zach's hat didn't she?  She doesn't want to disappoint production! Production? WTF??

He seemed really irritated by her whining. He had to talk her down while keeping an eye on all those closed doors. And where is Nicole? She could be unraveling his spool of lies this very minute! Derrick's paranoia is working triple overtime, and Victoria is getting on his last nerve.

It's gonna be a long week for feed watchers. We are hoping for a Pandora's box intervention. Visions of  the Diamond Power Of Veto dance in our head.  Can Nicole survive the week so that she can win the next HOH comp? Which, by the way, better be endurance, or live feeders everywhere will be turning off the live feeds forever! Will Donny find a Pop-Tarts coup d'etat next time he visits the diary room?  I hope so!

But if things keep going the way they are, and it looks like Donny is heading to the jury house, I sure hope he jumps right into the middle of the next Bomb Squad cuddle-fest and asks them all to play with his beard.

As Donny would say: If you can't beat them, do your best to freak them the hell out!

                                                               Have a Dorky Day!

Bomb Squad: The Best Worst Alliance Ever!

Wow! The Bomb Squad caught Donny talking game! They are so smart! Nothing gets past them. They also caught him looking at the HOH spy screen when he was up in the HOH with them! He actually looked at the screen! How dare him!! Plus, they figured out that Zach and Donny have had an alliance from day one! I didn't know that! Did you know that?

Cody knew that! He told them all a long time ago:

     Cody:  Remember when I said Donny was dangerous?
     Bomb Squad:  Um..yeah..well..no...
     Cody:  Yeah, I said it! I remember! I think I said it! Did I say it?
     Bomb Squad:  Well..um..maybe..yeah, you probably did say that!
     Cody:  Maybe I thought I said it, but really only thought it.
     Bomb Squad: Well, you definitely thought it dude!
     Cody:  And I said the same thing about Zach!  I know for sure I thought it.
     Bomb Squad: I think we saw you thinking one day!
     Cody: And then I thought, those two are working together!
     Bomb Squad:  Yeah, you do think out loud sometimes, dude.
     Cody: I knew it!

So, Cody is a BB genius!  And so is Caleb!  Caleb went into CreepMode yesterday and did his sneaky slithering thing up on the balcony outside HOH.  And he heard Zach and Donny say things. Very important things!  He heard Donny say that everyone was shunning him! He also heard Zach tell him that there never was an orange Skittle for Donny in the drawing for noms!  That proves everything! They are in an alliance!

A very powerful super-alliance that consists of one hg sure to be evicted tomorrow, and another hg who has absolutely no one to work with in this game.  They immediately go to code red alert!  They jump up and down and start fighting over who gets to call Donny out!

Cody really wants to do it. He wants to call him out right NOW!  Or maybe tomorrow? That might be better. Or after the HOH? What do you think? Or better yet after the POV. Yes, that's it. After the POV, Cody is pretty sure he will most likely be calling Donny out!

While Cody is looking for his day planner to pencil in the calling out, Derrick is fuming and sputtering about his own calling out plans. Donny told Christine that if he wins the HOH he will choose noms from a bag of M&M's. Derrick swears, on his daughters life, that he will smack that bag of M&M's out of Donny's hand if he dares to do that! How insulting to use M&M's for noms! Donny is a mad man! Doesn't he know that Skittles are the only BB approved nom candies?

Meanwhile, Victoria is jealous of all the time Derrick has been spending with Christine. And Cody is jealous of this too!  And there was one whole hour yesterday when Cody had to play with his hair himself, because Christine and Victoria were busy spending time together.  Dude, that's just wrong!

Frankie wants everyone to make Zach tell them his Donny secrets. Make him spill his Donny beans. But first, he wants to go cook another fish. He leaves the bean spilling details to his trusty alliance.

The Bomb Squad. The absolute Best-Worst-Alliance in Big Brother history.

                                                                 Have A Dorky Day!

#PinkHatProject

Yesterday was another mostly lazy day on the feeds.  Derrick was working everyone, in his own lazy way. Hey dude! While we are sitting here just enjoying an easy week, let me plant some seeds in the fertile ground of your bored-to-tears brain. He broke down the big picture for each house guest. He had a slightly different big picture for each of them. Derrick is tricky that way.

Zach was trying his best to see this big picture. He wants to know just how big is this big picture? And where is it hiding? Who is in charge of this big picture?  Zach tried to paint his own big picture for them, but nobody showed any interest.

Donny and Zach had a few good convos about working together if Zach comes back in the house after he is evicted. It was kind of exciting to think it could happen, and kind of sad because it probably won't. They both seemed to be speaking the truth to each other.

Frankie and Cody had a convo about being super close, and super tight, and super bff's. And nobody even suspects that they are super-duper working together! Frankie fed Cody some more super lies, and Cody thought they were super delicious. It was a really super convo.

Cody and Christine may have talked game, but I cannot watch them anymore, so if they did I missed it. Caleb, Derrick, and Frankie had a long convo about Cody and Christine being so close even after the Zings they got from Zingbot. Caleb seems very concerned about this. He deems it inappropriate. BeastMode Bunny Slippers, newly released from StalkMance Rehab, is deeply offended by their unseemly behavior.

Victoria and Christine talked about how Donny is an evil, conniving, pervert. They seemed focused on the pervert part. Seriously? They are living in a house with guys who hump each other every five minutes, have running gags about balls and holes, share daily reports on Jack Shack activities, and Donny is the perv?

Victoria spent most of the day obsessing about the symbolism of the shredded pink hat.  She hopes that her parents are proud of her for taking a knife to that hat. Her own hat, her own property, which she gave to Zach and then took back. She really wants him to go berzerkers about that hat. Her eyes get all dreamy when she thinks about it.

The Shredding Of The Pink Hat has had a galvanizing effect on live feeders. Up until the shredding, most of us were hoping that the pink hat would meet a fiery death in that comp where the hgs each have to burn one article of clothing. We hated that hat. Zach fidgeted with that hat all the time.  That hat was the pink cherry on the cake of his ridiculous daily attire.

But now, fickle feeders that we are, we take the hat shredding and we create our own symbolism. We form our own Pink Hat Alliance and spread the word far and wide. We send pink hat care packages to live feeders on the West Coast, so that they can throw them over the wall of the BB back yard, to show our Zach love!

#PinkHatProject will soon be trending world wide. If even one pink hat sails over that wall to land at Zach's feet, we will have done our part to create a whole new level of paranoia in that BB house! And if Victoria so much as looks at that pink hat sideways, we will implement #OperationBlackCrow, and she will be carried away to a land where no princess has ever gone before!!!

                                                 Have a Dorky Day!

Where Is That Damn Rule Book?

What can I say? Team America finally gets a fun task, and they twist it to make Zach the target once again. They must steal a piece of clothing from each hg and form a neighborhood watch to patrol the house for 24 hours. It's great fun to see the hgs go crazy trying to find all the things that Team America has hidden. The patrol uniforms are hilarious. Frankie's patrol songs are annoyingly loud but still kind of fun. Caleb is a little scary though. He is following Victoria around, up close and personal. I keep expecting him to give her a chest bump. BeastMode Bully at your service, ma'am.

Zach is climbing on the furniture wondering who the hell set the monkeys loose. Last thing he knew, the monkeys were safely locked up until he needed them. Now the monkeys have been set free by persons unknown, and he is getting blamed for it. Some serious monkey business is going down!

But it's no fun watching Frankie and Derrick try to ruin Zach's game one more time. They are only too happy to blame Zach for the missing items. Then Frankie begins his own secret mission to convince everyone that Zach has been a saboteur all along. And that he has been making piles of money while trying to sabotage them all! It's the thought of Zach making money from his mischief that really makes everyone mad.

It's all about not getting blood on his hands. Frankie will now be the hero for getting the saboteur out of the game! Frankie even blames Zach for forcing them to use Skittles to choose noms. It's all Zach's fault for not volunteering to go on the block to throw the BOB.  Those Skittles are proof positive that Zach is the saboteur!

Out in the back yard, Zach has an attack of monkey fever. He steals the cue ball, and hides it in the bathroom. Zach, you silly monkey butt!  You are hopeless! Doomed! You have zillions of fans rooting for you right now! Even Frankie's superstar sister is tweeting mind control messages to Frankie to keep you safe! 

Caleb and Cody, on patrol in their Chippendales costumes, find the missing cue ball, and the lynch mob is now victorious. That cue ball has sealed Zach's fate.  Then the missing items are discovered.  The hgs celebrate for a bit, and then it's back to patrolling the house.  Most of the patrolling focuses on Zach. They patrol him up one side and down the other. They patrol him up the wazoo.

Frankie and Caleb take Zach up into the HOH to tell him he will be going on the block. Frankie takes every opportunity to tell Zach that everybody wants him out. He repeats this over and over as he lists all the reasons Zach must go.Frankie very clearly says that he will be putting Zach up as the replacement nom. 

This is against the rules. People do it all the time, but it's usually not this obvious.. Does Frankie have a secret plan to get caught breaking this rule? Does he want it to appear that he has no choice but to nom someone else? Someone like Derrick perhaps? Is Frankie that smart? Is it even a possibility that production would enforce this rule?  Of course not.

Zach, our little monkey mischief maker, seems to take this news pretty well. He agrees that it's the best move for Frankie to nom him. He encourages him to nom him. Why waste an HOH getting Victoria out of the house?  She isn't even playing the game dude, you gotta nominate me!

Meanwhile, Victoria is convinced she is the best BB player in the house, because she said that Zach was a saboteur week two!!! She knew it all along! She has this game all figured out! "OMG you guys, I am smarter than all of you!"

The neighborhood watch soldiers on. The duty roster is posted. For Team America's task to succeed they must have a pair of hgs on watch at all times for 24 hours. This pair cannot be two TA members. And they can't just lay around, they have to actively patrol.  Somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, the watch falls apart, and we have a solitary guard just sitting there.

Around this time twitter goes crazy with cries of foul play. Frankie broke the rules by telling Zach he is going up!!! This rule is broken every week, but now people.want production to wake up and dispense punishment! Plus, Team America did not complete it's task, because there were solitary guards who didn't even patrol!!! Where is the rule book?  Live feeders everywhere are demanding justice!

People really want Frankie to get a spankie! And they don't want Team America to get any money for this task. I don't either. I say give it to the monkeys, and set them free for good.

                                                      Have a Dorky Day!

Will Cody Flirt His Way To The Final Two?

Has there ever been a player on BB whose sole strategy was to flirt and cuddle with the girls all the way to the end?  Is Cody breaking new ground here?  He has cuddled with every single female in the house. Even Jocasta!

Sometimes it's a little touch here and there, an arm around the shoulder, a hug and a little snuggle. Then there is the full on cuddle-fest that can last for hours. He cuddles with them one, two, three at a time. He climbs right on top of them. Just plops himself down on top of  them to snuggle and tickle and get them to play with his hair.

Around week three it became obvious that Cody was every girls favorite for a cuddle partner. He would come out to the back yard, stroll over to the couch, give one girl a full body hug, and lay down on top of her for five minutes while they had a flirty little convo. Then he moves on to another girl, gives her a big hug, and lays down with his head in her lap, so she can play with his hair. A new girl joins the couch crew, sits down next to Cody, and puts her legs over his and starts tickling his arm. This scene is replayed hourly with different combinations of girls. It really is quite impressive how he can do all this cuddling without any smooching or show-mance shenanigans.   

It is impossible for him to sit next to a female and not touch her. His hands seem to have a life of their own as they just mosey on over to touch a shoulder, an arm, a hand, a leg, a foot. It doesn't really matter which body part he is touching. If a girl sits down next to him he is going to touch her within minutes.

He loves to have them play with his hair. They seem happy to oblige. Hayden had the girls playing with his hair too. And he flirted and cuddled them as well. But he can't compete with Cody. Cody is a master flirt. A genius cuddle-buddy. Cody has mad snuggle skills!

In fact, he is so good at it, that his alliance sends him out on flirt patrol and cuddle missions. Practically every strategy meeting with his alliance includes somebody telling Cody that he has to flirt with a girl for the plan to be successful.  This week his task is to flirt with Christine and keep her away from Frankie. 

In past seasons, guys have used flirting to get things done. But each guy would have just one girl he would sweet talk to work the game plan of the week. I don't recall any guys successfully flirting with more than one girl. The flirt strategy holds serious dangers.  Jealousy from the girls, and wariness and mistrust from the guys. In the BB house, flirting is dangerous business.

We are down to only three girls left in the house, and the flirty thing might not be the best game to play right now. Christine cannot be near Cody without touching him. The Christine-Cody cuddling has become so constant and obvious it is making the other girls uncomfortable. Nicole and Victoria are very suspicious of how intimate Christine and Cody are with each other.

But they put the blame on Christine, for touching Cody. It's all her fault! She's a married woman!!!  Even as they express their mistrust of Cody for kissing-up to the HOH, they blame Christine for being all over Cody. They have a good cry during all this trash talk. Then they pull themselves together and get in line to cuddle with Cody.

Will Cody simply flirt his way to the final two? How do you explain the flirt strategy in your jury speech? What can he say?  "I spent countless hours letting all the girls touch me all over and play with my hair. I let Amber tickle my arm for four hours straight.  I was the key player in every big move strategy, because I would have to flirt with a girl to get her to do what we wanted. Sometimes I had to flirt with two or three girls at a time!  I flirted with Christine for three whole months, and I deserve to win!"

This speech wouldn't get my jury vote. But it would make great TV. 

                                                     Have a Dorky Day!

My Name Is Frankie Grande And I Am A Mogulomaniac

The plan was in place to get Frankie on the block.  Caleb would throw the Battle of The Block, he and Frankie would lose to Donny and Zach, and it's a done deal. A perfect plan, unless one or one hundred things go wrong!  The feeds go down, and the battle begins.

Hours later, when the feeds return, we discover that Frankie won the Battle of the Block, all by his lonesome!. Plus, he won a field trip to a football game for himself, Caleb, and Christine!  And he won a slop pass! Things quickly spiral out of control from there. Another night of crazy good feeds.

The kind of feeds that make you want to smash your computer to smithereens every time Frankie opens his mouth. Because when Frankie speaks, the feeling of disgust and outrage at his words makes you cringe. You want to look away, but you can't. Ugh.

Frankie had informed everyone in the house that he would be talking to them later about... um...things. He dropped cryptic hints all day about this. After the comp he would tell them...umm..things..um...good things....about...ummm...stuff...about why he is there.....and things!

And tell he did!  But first, after he tries unsuccessfully to get Zach to talk with him, he annouces that he may have to get production to lock Zach in a room by himself  if he isn't going to behave.  He doesn't want Zach to ruin his talk with everyone.. He actually says this.  Then, as he gathers the guys together to move into the fire room, a sulking but quiet Zach included, he says this:

                                  "Producers! We are moving into the fire room!"

When they all get settled into he room he says this:

                                     "Are the cameras in place?"

And with those words, it is obvious to all of us feed watchers around the world, that this is the beginning of yet another segment of The Frankie Show, sponsored by BB production. What follows is one of the most disgusting confessionals in BB history. He tells Caleb, Derrick, Cody, and Zach that he has been lying to them the entire game. He wants to tell them who he really is. And then he says this:

 " I am social media mogul, a YouTube star with a gazillion followers, and my sister is a mega-super pop star, and I am here to donate my winnings to charity, my charity that I founded, to build schools in Africa"

And things go downhill from there. Down the hill we go in a big, slimy, egotistical mudslide designed to wash away all of Frankie's sins. Thus begins a night of shock and awe that throws the house guests into pandemonium. Complete with Frankie sending us to fish every fifteen minutes as he burst into song. An Ariana Grande song to be precise. He also warns the hgs that he can say Ariana's name, but they are not allowed. WTF??

To insure the sympathy votes were secure, he threw his grandfathers death into the mix as the reason he betrayed Zach and the alliance! If I was a real live BB update blogger, I would have to transcribe all of the ridiculously arrogant words he uttered last night. Thank gawd I am just a dorky little blogger with no such responsibility. I leave that to the professionals. And may gawd bless and protect those poor souls who had to listen, and re-listen, to his sniveling drivel to get the words right. Please pray for them. Amen.

I am still stuck on his first words about being an internet mogul. Who says that?  I consult my resident expert on all things pertaining to the English language. I ask her if anyone would ever refer to themselves as a mogul.? Is that the proper use of the word? She says no. It's a word that someone might use to describe you, but you would never use it to describe yourself. Unless you were maybe Donald Trump.  HA!

So we had a long night of star struck hgs pretending not to care a damn about who Frankie and his sister are. Caleb couldn't hide his starry eyes as he tells Frankie that in the game he doesn't care who Frankie is, but after the show can Frankie hook him up?

Frankie responds by scheduling a limo to take everyone to Justin Bieber's house. I don't know if that will happen before everyone gets to sing on his sister's next double-triple-platinum-single, or after they all attend the My-Sister-Is-One-Level-Above-Beyonce Award Show.  And somewhere in the Frankie Tour schedule, he simply must pencil in his next YouTube video, which of course they will all be starring in.  Seriously, I am pretty sure all this is in the works!

It's a monkey-barrel of emotions in the BB house by now. Nicole is crying her eyes out because she is the one who nommed Frankie. She now believes she will be seen as a villain. She is completely freaking out about this. Remember her fake fight with Hayden, and how she broke down and said she couldn't do it because viewers would think she was mean?  Nicole worries about how she is perceived, and all this famous Frankie business just makes her want to curl up and cry.

Vicroria has a little cry-fest of her own involving her mysterious hair loss, Frankie, and his sister. It turns out that Ariana lost her hair tooooooooo!! And when Victoria had a meltdown about her extensions being revealed on BB, Frankie comforted her, and mentioned his sister had the same thing happen to her hair. But he didn't say his sister was FAMOUS! He didn't tell her she was ARIANA GRANDE! And for some crazy reason, this breaks Victoria's heart.

While Victoria and Nicole are busy giving each other pep-talks, the guys are plotting.the next best move of the worst ever BB alliance. They never give up. Derrick is working overtime now. He has to get these guys motivated. Zach has been in a stupor since Frankie revealed his super-hero powers. He keeps saying "He's building schools in Africa dude, I'm fooked!"

Frankie announces that he will be sleeping in the HOH room so that everybody can have their own bed tonight. Once again he is doing things for the good of all. Such sacrifices he makes!

I just can't take it any more!! I finally turn off the feeds around 1:00 a.m. BB time. I am  already dreading the next few CBS shows. Frankie has ruined them with his confessional. And now the feeds will be filled with Frankie name dropping, and singing, and all kinds of Frankie show business talk. Ugh, and double ugh!!

As I reach to click the feeds off I catch this little tidbit. Frankie walks through the dining area with his bag packed for his move to the HOH room. He is on his way to take a bubble bath and relax in HOH luxury.

Christine and Cody are talking, and doing their flirty thing, and Frankie stops to chat and recap his day:

"Wow! Were noms just this morning?? Today I was nommed,  I was shunned all day,  I kicked ass in the competition and won it all by myself,  and I won a field trip to a football game.  And now I am the most popular girl in the house!!!"

It's a crazy world, this BB world! And tonight, on the feeds, Frankie gave us a guided tour of it's dark underbelly. I know we have long days ahead filled with conspiracy theories of production manipulating things for Frankie's benefit.  I have my own theory that most of tonight's festivities were a direct result of Frankie manipulating production. But hey, that's show business! ((curls up in fetal position and remains catatonic for the rest of the season))

                                                       Have a Dorky Day!

                                                       

Double Whammy Aftermath

When the feeds come back on after an amazing double whammy, double blindside, double eviction show, we are treated to all sorts of good fun! Nicole is in the kitchen calling out Frankie and Christine, and telling everyone how things went down this week. She embraces her inner feisty-quirky-froot-loop-dingus, and she is ready to rumble! And then... she cries.

Christine swoops in and whisks Nicole into the hive room to comfort her. To Christine, comfort includes lies, manipulation, and profuse claims of innocence in all the nefarious schemes that have transpired. It begins to look like Nicole is believing Christine's lies. Nicole says she believes her, but maybe she is lying about that. And this sets the theme for the night. It's impossible to know who is lying to who about what.

Meanwhile, there is a brief interlude of summer camp fun when the guys sit Zach down to explain that even though he's been a bad boy, they still love him. It's a chorus of he said-she said-you said, and then straight into a campfire rendition of Kumbaya. Guy hugs all around.

Frankie leaves the room, and we discover that summer camp is over! Derrick, Cody, and Caleb are certain that Frankie and Christine are actually guilty of all the things Nicole and Hayden have accused them of.   They convince Zach that Frankie and Christine were the true masterminds behind his near demise. Once again, it's hard to tell if Zach is really buying it.  Can we please exchange those fitness trackers for mood rings?

Fishes come, and fishes go, and we discover the two new HOH  winners are Nicole and Christine. Awkward!!   Frankie interrupts their nomination discussion to announce that he is done playing BB with those dumb boys! He wants to play with the girls now!  Let's play HOH!

Here we go again. Is Nicole drinking Frankie's Kool-Aid?  It seems like she is. But this is Big Brother, and Frankie isn't the only Kool-Aid stand in town!  While Nicole is busy with Frankie and Christine, the guys are mixing up a batch of their own Kool-Aid. The idea is to get Nicole, who they just bamboozled up the wazoo, to trust them again. They will work with her to get Frankie out. They need a double strength batch of  Kool-Aid for this plan to work.

Derrick slips some Team-America-fook-up-the-game-tablets into his pitcher of Kool-Aid and asks the guys to try some. Team America's task this week is to get someone to volunteer to be a pawn, and then vote them out. Zach takes a big gulp of Derrick's poison potion and volunteers himself!

Zach decides he needs to set up a rogue Kool-Aid stand of his own. He confesses everything to Nicole and secures what sounds pretty much like a final two deal with her. Are they both drunk on day glow Kool-Aid cocktails by now, or are they speaking the truth? I have absolutely no idea.

A little while later, Nicole tells the guys she just doesn't trust Zach enough to throw the BOB if she noms him with Frankie. Caleb, who has his own personal brand of Kool-Aid coursing through his veins, volunteers to be a pawn and throw the BOB. He swears he will sit on his hands and throw that comp, beast-mode style!

By now Nicole, feeling a bit bloated by all the sugary sweet Kool-Aid she has been force fed through the night, decides it's time for bed. Derrick expresses doubts about the Team America task. Caleb, certain that he is America's Favorite Player,  sends a memo to BB to secure a limo and security guards to protect him from his fans on finale night. Zach climbs on the furniture, and replays the moment during the live show when Julie called him RanceyPants. And Victoria is thinking she is now a key player in this thing called Big Brother, since the guys had a zillion game convos right in front of her, because they forgot she was even in the room!

And there we were, basking in the afterglow of a great night of feeds, with absolutely no idea who is lying and who is truthing.  I think Nicole will work with the guys to get Frankie out. I'm pretty sure Team America will decline the new task.  I am fairly certain that the Have Nots were selected and I completely missed it. And I am absolutely, positively, going to start a petition demanding mood rings for season 17.

                                                                      Have a Dorky Day!

Caleb Counts On His Fingers And Saves The World!!!

Was it production whispering sweet paranoia in the diary room? Was it the beers Caleb drank at the halfway party?  Was it just one more flip-flop in a house of flip-floppers? Who cares?!? It was crazy good feeds last night for sure! If you missed the fun, it all starts in the hive room with Frankie and Caleb. You can tell it's serious, because Caleb has changed out of those damn bunny slippers and into his cowboy boots. Those boots mean business!
8/6 9:01 p.m. cam 1&2 

The fun continues from there.  It's exactly what I was hoping would happen when the feeds went down for so long last night. I was imagining that it would take all kinds of elaborate things to save Zach, like Pandora's Box, Diamond  Power of Veto, or maybe a Coup de Dingus! One magical intervention involved the ants spelling out SAVE ZACH on the walls of the BB house.  Those ants are smart, it could happen!!

But all it took was a few beers, and Caleb counting on his fingers, wondering WWJD? What Would Jocasta Do? She would come after all of them!  She would never be a number for them!  He flipped the house pretty damn quick. Derrick and Cody helped it along, and Frankie gave it his blessing. Christine just clapped her hands  a lot and said "Wow, Amazing!". She is one shady fook!

Now the Detonators are convinced that Nicole, Donny, and Hayden are Big Brother masterminds. Derrick and Cody are certain that Nicole and Hayden were playing them about Frankie and Christine turning on them. Christine and Frankie are sitting pretty, because they really were ready to turn on Derrick and Cody.

And Zach was sleeping through most of it! He woke up at some point and talked to Nicole, but seemed more concerned about his eviction night poem than he was about votes. He has no idea how close he came to leaving. He was sleeping the other night when they all decided to vote him out, and then he slept though them saving his ass last night.What a froot-loop!!

                                                            Have A Dorky Day!

Liar! Liar! So Many Pants On Fire!

The past few days of feeds have been so confusing!  Lots of he said, she said, I said, who said? People speaking a teeny tiny bit of truth mixed in with a string of lies. Christine and Frankie are pretty good at this. They are so good at lying that I can't even figure out what they really want to accomplish with all their lies.

My dislike for Frankie and Christine grows more intense with each lie they tell. But when Nicole starts lying, I like her a little bit more. When Cody changes his mind with every lie he hears I just want to smack him. But when Derrick switches his strategy after hearing several possible lies, I wonder if maybe he is onto something. And I still can't tell if Hayden is lying to Nicole, or to Cody and Derrick, or not lying at all!

I love it when one lying house guest discovers that another hg has been lying!  They get so mad and heated about it.  So indignant and self righteous. They demand justice! They want to call them out on the lies right now, immediately, let's go confront that liar! The liar is now their number one target!   The liar must go!!  Let's make up some nasty lies about that liar!!

By yesterday the lies were so obvious that everyone is aware that Frankie and Christine are working together and lying up a storm.  But then the lies seemed to start to conflict, diverge, and morph into possible reverse psychology lies. Cody and Derrick can't decide if Frankie and Christine are lying to get Zach out, or to get him to stay. They can't even decide if they want Zach to go or stay.  So damn confusing!!!

The threat of a double eviction has pushed everyone into emergency lying mode. They must plan for every possible scenario of HOH and noms. By eviction night they will all be lying on the one hand, and swearing on the Bible with the other. Lies will be flying left and right to cover their asses with each potential HOH winner. But, as any previous house guest will tell you, it's really hard to cover your ass when your pants are on fire.

                                                                       Have a Dorky Day!

The Most Twisted BB Plan Ever!!!

Has there ever been such a seriously twisted plot to evict a house guest in the history of BB? I can't recall any plan that involves so many people, and such a wealth of disinformation.  I could be wrong. It's week five, and this crazy cast is slowly turning my BB brain to BB mush, but I think this is a first.

There are about 15 alliances, plus Team America,  all in on the plan to turn Caleb against Amber. All of this effort just so that Amber can be voted out with his blessings.  If you were locked in a house with Caleb, would you want to try messing with his mind? Would you dare to encourage Zach to let loose during a ceremony being taped for the show?  Not me!  No sir, no way, no, no, no!

Who needs Pandora's Box when you have Caleb and Zach in the BB house?  It's crazy good fun and scary as hell at the same time.  It's delightful to see how easy it is to get Caleb change his mind about almost everything.  But it's scary too. Caleb acts so creepy that I want to hide behind my couch and just peek out now and then.

A few days ago we got a rare glimpse into Caleb's sordid childhood.  After the stinky Deep Fish Pizza delivery for the have nots, Caleb grabs a stinky fish and bites it's head off. Just for fun! A bit later, in the living room with the guys, Cody says he nearly got sick when he saw Caleb do that. All those fish intestines and stuff coming out of the fish made him really queasy. Me too!!!

Caleb hears the words nauseous and intestines, and decides it's the perfect time to  retell his squirrel killing story. The story begins with quite a few gory details of how he killed it, and ends with his grandfather making him put the squirrel's intestines in his mouth, and then pull them out like a piece of spaghetti.  Cody and Zach try to  hide under the pillows during all this talk of intestines. This is the same story that turned Amber completely off when Caleb told it told it the first week of this season. Caleb smiles that creepy country boy smile of his and says "That's just what ya do the first time ya kill a squirrel."

Then he tells the story of his first deer kill. This time he is hunting with his father, who forces him to lick the bloody heart of the deer, and then lay down inside the carcass!  Just normal hunting behavior on your first kill.  I was crouching behind the couch with my hands over my ears trying not to hear this morbid tale. Poor Derrick, Zach, and Cody had no place to hide.
7/26  6:40 p.m. cam 1

Yesterday, after the ceremony, after talking to Amber and getting some clues that his alliance may be lying to him, Caleb stands at the sliding glass doors looking out at the yard. Even without mood music it was downright scary. Visions of bloody hearts and intestines danced in my head. I threw some pillows and a few snacks behind my couch, just in case.

But the feeds just got boring after that. Caleb demanded one-on-one's with everybody to get to the truth. Everybody told him the truth (lies!) that they had all agreed on. Caleb campaigned for Amber to stay, counting out the imaginary votes on his fingers. Amber was just busy being Amber. She was a bit more feisty than her usual self .  But mostly she just trailed away in every convo, blaming Zach for everything. Everyone fed her lie after lie, and she ended up counting imaginary votes with Caleb. And Zach was napping through it all.

During the evening Amber began dropping hints about her past. She sort of, kind of, maybe, possibly, more than likely, has things in her past that would get her some sympathy and help her win the game. But she is not gonna play that way, for reasons that she can't say, about things she won't even talk about, and by the way, please forget she even brought it up. Aaaaaarrrrrrghhhhh!

Earlier in the season, when Amber was talking a lot about her world travels, she would mention Australia, and how she had to come back from Australia, for....umm.... reasons. She would never elaborate. Several people tried to get her to tell them what she meant, but she would just change the subject.  But in every convo about Australia, she would mention that she had to return to the states...because....ummm....oh never mind...just reasons.

Usually during BB I want to hear more about what makes people tick. Like the black bird that carried Victoria away as a child. Tell me more, tell me more!  But with Amber and Caleb I am afraid! I would rather hear the details of Zach's hyperactive childhood than delve any deeper into Caleb's mind. And I don't wanna hear a sob story from Amber. Please no! Make it stop!

I want Zach to stay awake at all times so that Amber and Caleb have no chance of revealing their true identities. I want Caleb to swear off hunting, and hunting stories, forever. And please, can Amber speak in full sentences and actually say something? But not about..you know, Australia and....um..reasons.

                                                          Have a Dorky Day!