Where Is My Happy BB Canada Place?

The feeds have been down for hours on Big Brother Canada 3, and I don't seem to be that upset about it. That can't be a good sign.

I just can't seem to get into my BB groove, and I don't know why. I suspect that not having the live feeds come on right after the premier has something to do with my malaise.

This first week has been interesting twist wise. Sending the hgs into a house with no furniture, no food, no clothes was great! And all they had to eat was slop! That must have made them all cranky to the max! It really would have been fun to see them deal with that on the feeds. Lots of fun we didn't get to have because THERE WERE NO FEEDS YET !

Then there was the first eviction. And we had the power to decide who goes! That sounds like loads of fun, right? If the feeds had been on during the voting, it would have been party time! Voters could have had more info to go on than Big-Boobs-Cougar vs Silly-Laugh-Cheerleader. Fun times would have been had by all! BUT WE HAD NO FEEDS!

I wanted Risha gone just because I don't ever want a Cougar-Mance on my BB. Eeeeewwww! Maybe if I could have watched her on the feeds I could have seen her non-cougar side. *sigh*

But then, it wouldn't have mattered anyway, because she might get a chance to get back in the house! Silly twisted Twisto's twist. Sheesh!

Ok, enough complaining about no feeds. We have feeds now, and we can move on.

Yes. Let's move right on to complaining about the camera dudes. Funny the things you forget over time. I forgot how the BBCAN camera dudes have absolutely no idea what they are doing! They just focus in on random silent people no matter who is talking OFF CAMERA! They practice mood shots of the furniture and house decor. They especially like to have the cam shot in one room and the audio from another room.

This year the camera dudes are all about the aerial shot. Looking down from the ceiling onto the living room couch is absolutely no help when it comes to figuring out who is saying what to whom. Yet we have quite a few aerial views sprinkled throughout our live feed day.

Ok. Moving on.

I kinda like Jordan, Sarah, and Bobby. They seem smart and social and able to keep some info to themselves.

I don't want to like Cindy with an S, but she might just be full of all kinds of drama and game play potential. I am gonna chill with her for a while.

I liked Willow at first, but she is driving me crazy already. Willow is everywhere! I think she will be the Pop-In hg of this season, popping into every convo, in every room, on every cam. She said in her interview that she is either really up, or really emotional, so I am waiting for a meltdown before passing judgement on her.

Graig and Johnny have good meltdown potential too. Graig's melting might include berzerker possibilities, so I am chillin with him even though he seems like a bit of a jerk..

I want Zach to fail miserably in all of the hundreds of deals he has in the works.

I want Naeha to deliver on her bitch-face promises.

I want Ashleigh to decide on a hairdo and stick with it for longer than five minutes.

I want Bruno to always wear a hat because the view of his head from behind is not pleasant.

I want Pilar to blossom into a comp beast and scare the bejeezus out of everyone.

I want Godfrey to show a little personality, please!

But most of all I want to know why everyone loves Kevin? Well, they love him but don't trust him. Kevin is flirting with everyone! He's all touchy-feely-let-me-just--lay-my-leg-over-you-while-I-rub-someone-else's-feet. I don't see anything to love. He has evil inside him, I just know it.

Brittnee seems to have been wiped out already by all this BB business. I think being a have-not is gonna take all the sparkle we saw in her interviews right out of her. I would know more about this if they had shown us the have-not room on the feeds last night after the Have-Not comp, BUT THEY DID NOT!!!. I worry that she won't survive if she is nommed as planned. I want Brittnee to stay long enough to wake up and play Big Brother.

I went to bed early last night, when I finally realized they were not gonna show us the have-not room. I figured we would get to see it this morning, when the have-nots woke up all grumpy from sleeping in inhumane conditions. I was a wee bit excitable thinking about seeing the results of the have-not room deprivation.

But the feeds were down when I woke up. And they are still down as I write this. And, like I said before, I don't seem to be upset about it. Where is my happy, shiny, exciting BB Canada? I hope I find it soon.

                                                        Have A Dorky Day!

Why Utopia Scared The Fook Out Of Me

"@Ravie30 *wandering around*...Sigh...no more...sigh"

"@Ravie30 I just ate a fun size box of Milk Duds in one shot

...I'm not taking this well #Utopia"

I feel your pain. It sucks that FOX cut the live feeds with no notice. Live feed withdrawal is no laughing matter. Right now there are people searching for a live feed connection to any Utopia, in any country!  Who cares if you can't understand the language, it's live feeds!   Must. Have. Feeds!

But I, for one, am sooooooo relieved. Thank gawd, Amen.

When I first heard about the reality show Utopia, on FOX, I wanted to hide behind my couch and wait for the end of the world. Not because of the show itself. It was the idea of live feeds 24/7/365 that scared me silly.

Live feeds are like a drug. Highly addictive. The three month limit on Big Brother live feeds is like a safety net. No matter how addicted you get each season, you know you will never hit bottom. You can let yourself go for three whole months because your live feed drug supply will dry up at the end of the season.

In my real life, I am a peace loving hippy chick artist who would never mess with any one's karma. In my BB live feeder life, I embrace the dark underbelly of reality TV. I can't wait for the entire cast to crash and burn.The three month time limit helps me relax and enjoy this slightly voyeuristic dalliance. I like a little yin with my yang. Ninety days is plenty of time to let my bad self roam free.

Plus, it's a game!  With strategy! This helps me justify the endless hours of  feed watching. Not to other people, but to myself.  I know there is a game in there somewhere, as I gleefully anticipate the next breakdown, betrayal, or blow up.

Dishes and laundry can pile up to the sky. My friends can wonder aloud: "Whatever happened to...um..what's her name??"  My skin can turn pale as I keep watching for one more hour, so that I don't miss one moment of game changing feeds. But I know, deep down inside, it will all be over soon.

Utopia promised one year of live feeds. No game! No prize! No strategy! Just people building a so called society. For a whole year! That's some scary shit! Seriously! I worried what would become of us. We need that break, that time off between seasons. For the good of all, we need time to cleanse our souls of the pseudo-omniscient powers of the live feeds.

I did everything in my power to resist Utopia live feeds. I would not sign up with FOX, even for the free feeds. I don't need FOX messing with my personal private interweb world!  I declined to blog Utopia. A whole year? Cows? Chickens? Are you crazy?  Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! ((runs away and hides))

I checked in now and then. I chatted here and there. I followed the twitter trail.  But live feeds don't work that way. You can't just check in.  I have known so many people like Bella, and Cal, and Rob, and Mike.  I have lived through a gazillion meetings, and food orders, and decision making disasters that were the daily fare of Utopia live feeds. I have paid my cosmic new age dues. And still the feeds drew me in. I was perilously close to a new live feed addiction.

And here is what concerned me the most. Will we watch pretty much anything if it is on a live feed? If cameras are there, will we watch? If The Truman Show and Thunder Dome had a reality show baby, would we sign up for the feeds? Will we all end up Naked and Afraid?

It was obvious from the beginning that the Utopians were not up to the task. It was bound to fail, and yet we kept watching. I'm not bashing anyone for this. I'm not criticizing anyone who loved Utopia. I enjoyed the feeds while they lasted. I am just wondering where it all might lead. What can be coming next? ((shudders))

There were a few bright and shining lights in the Utopia experience. Jon Kroll is the most patient, respectful, and sharing reality show producer in all the lands. Even now, when he must be crazy busy with the cancellation, he takes time to keep in touch with us. He listened to the live feeders! Imagine that!

The Veterinary Angels were also pretty darn wonderful. They communicated with us as openly as they could about the welfare of the animals. And they have reported to us that they assisted in placing the animals in a sanctuary.

It was a fun experiment, but I'm glad it's over. It gives me time to get back into my real life groove.

We will all be back together in February for BB Canada. See?  Live feeds are just around the corner!  Everything is gonna be okay!!!

                                                  Have a Dorky Day!

Caleb Is 150% Sure That Donny Is A Dadgum Genius!

Yesterday, Caleb gathered more intel on Donny, the most dangerous Big Brother player in all the land. Caleb has had Donny under surveillance for most of this season. It was Caleb who discovered that Donny was ex-military, just by looking at his hairless ankles. Donny claims the hairs were rubbed off by his tall socks. Caleb informed his alliance that hairless ankles are a sure sign that Donny is ex-military. Caleb was the first to blow Donny's cover. And he's been on the case ever since.

They all agree that Donny has been lying about his occupation. Hours upon hours have been spent speculating on his true identity. The speculation has reached a new frenzy now that there are only 8 players left. And yesterday, Caleb revealed startling new evidence against Donny. 

Are you ready for it? It's really big! Shocking! Conclusive! Mind blowing!

Donny ate a Sour Patch Kids candy! Caleb saw it! Caleb was there! And Donny said it reminded him of the good old days! And that right there proves he was in the military! Mind blowing! My mind is blown, isn't yours? My mind was so blown that I completely forgot to check the time on this convo, sorry about that.

Caleb told Cody and Derrick that in the army they give you MRE's, Meals Ready To Eat. And in the MRE packet there is always a piece of candy. A piece of sour candy! And Donny was sucking on that Sour Patch candy, saying how it reminded him of old times, and Caleb was right there when he said it! And when he said "old times" he looked right into Caleb's eyes, like he was telling him something! And Caleb knew, because Caleb is military too!

But wait! There's more! Later on, in the living room, Caleb reveals more proof of Donny's secret life as a military genius. Caleb was watching Donny earlier, and Donny was all fidgety, and his eyes, his eyes! Caleb saw Donny make squares with his eyes! Donny was looking at that square pattern up on the ceiling, and his eyes were making squares!!!

This proves that Donny is a genius! Because sometimes, when you are so genius, so smart, you have to be thinking even when you are not thinking!  And making squares with your eyes is a sure sign you are thinking and not thinking at the same time!!!

While Derrick and Cody are listening to this, you can see that they are thinking that Caleb is completely koo-koo! You can tell they are trying so hard not to laugh.  But they don't laugh! Nope! 

They are members of the Best-Worst -Alliance ever, and they act accordingly. They jump right in and list all the other signs that point to Donny being an evil genius military mastermind. The camouflage clothing, the early bedtime and early wake up, the use of large words, his use of medical terms, his beard, his eating habits, his cricket whistle, etc.

Caleb lays one more piece of evidence on them. It turns out that Donny has been using OCD as a cover to hide his military intelligence training. The way that Donny packs his drawers, and lines up his belongings on the nightstand, reveals that he is either  military intelligence or a weapons designer! This is actually old intel, but when you add this to the Sour Patch Kids evidence, it is obvious that Donny is a Secret Military Weapons Master!

8/22 4:48 p.m. cam 1-2

Caleb is going to stay on the case. His goal is to get Donny to confess everything. He already informed Donny that he was onto him. He told Donny "You are a genius, and you are making the rest of us look stupid!" And Donny didn't even deny it!  Did not deny it at all! He just said  "I appreciate that." So, there you go, he is 100% a dadgum genius! 

                                                          Have a Dorky Day!

Drama For Dummies

Zach wins the veto and now he is safe for the week. Safe equals boring to Zach, so he decides that now is a good time to confess all his sins to Victoria. The only detail of his confession that seems to matter to Victoria is that Derrick was working with some other people besides her.

Then the tears begin. Victoria is always crying to someone about something. And while she is crying she keeps repeating that she doesn't want to start any drama. But people are horrible, she is disgusted, everyone is so mean! She wants to self evict!!! But seriously, she doesn't want to cause any drama.

Last night, the drama she doesn't want to cause is all about Derrick.  He betrayed her! It feels like he cheated on her! She doesn't want to be here anymore. She needs to talk to Zach one more time, so that she can be upset all over again.  Maybe if she cries to him about her broken heart, she can be sure there won't be any drama! And maybe Derrick will find out how much she wants to avoid drama, and he will come talk to her!

Well, what could be more dramatic than a house meeting?  Everyone but Christine and Donny gather in the HOH room to confront Zach about a little lie he told earlier. Zach freely admits that he lied to Derrick about Nicole being the cause of Victoria's current melt down. He told a little lie. And he told her all about everyone's alliances. But he never meant any harm. He really didn't mean to throw Derrick under the bus. Really, he was just telling Victoria about his game. What is all the drama about?

The house meeting fizzles out, and the guys are left to do some damage control. They concoct some crazy plan for Zach to say he made up all the alliances he revealed in his confession. Another perfect, no fail, plan by the best worst alliance in all of BB. Seriously, these guys spend hours together talking game and think that nobody will ever suspect them of working together.  Their alliances have been outed how many times?

Meanwhile, Frankie starts a little drama of his own. Frankie learns that Nicole told people that he said he will have Victoria in his back pocket after he reels her in with his famous sister. Frankie did say this. But he acts like this is a direct insult to his sister. He says that there is an army of Ariana fans who will take care of Nicole.  He is very upset about this, and works himself into a mini hissy fit. Nicole is now his number one target.

Derrick snaps to attention and assures Frankie that he doesn't even speak his sisters name in the diary room. It's so damn weird. Are there rules about famous people I don't know about?  Are we not allowed to talk about them? Isn't the whole point of being famous having people talk about you?

Frankie says he doesn't want to start any drama. He sighs, and pouts, and looks like he is gonna cry. Derrick tells him nobody is gonna talk trash about his sister.  Frankie says they better not!  He does his best to look completely pitiful. He tells Derrick he is okay, he doesn't want any drama. Then he heads to the diary room to place an emergency call to the Famous Police, to press charges against Nicole.

                                                Have a Dorky Day!!

Joey Van Pelt: BB16 Union President (and Sole Member)

Oh my goodness gracious! BB newbies are lovely and fine. But a newbie who knows nothing about the game can really dig her own grave all the way to China, can't she? Joey has a plan. A completely ridiculous plan, doomed to failure from the get go. A plan that somehow includes transparency and invisibility cloaks.A plan she explains in great detail to every house guest, even as they wield a ten foot pole and beat a hasty retreat.

But I think I know where Joey is coming from. It's not just that she is a newbie who knows nothing about the game. I suspect we are seeing  a direct result of what Caleb and Frankie must have done when they had to nominate the first 4 house guests. We haven't seen that footage yet. But they obviously teamed up and made nice because they are now spooning in the HOH bird nest every night.

My theory is that they concocted the first of many "no blood on their hands" plans to select the nominations. They chose the first 4 to drop in the HOH comps. Then, they announced to everyone why they picked those people, explaining how this HOH is all about being fair.

When Donny wins the POV comp, Caleb makes the rounds of the hg's, explaining how his choice of a replacement will be fair.  He tells them he will nom whomever the house desires. But that's not the real plan. Caleb is going to nominate Joey no matter what the others say. He will just make everyone think that Joey is the house choice to be nominated, and evicted.

It's all about more fairness and  less blood. But Joey figures it out. She's pretty smart for a seriously dumb newbie. Since the house has been following the "let's be fair about it" rule up to this point, she sees no reason why an unfair nomination should be allowed. In  her eyes, the fair nomination is Devin. He creeps all the girls out, (and a few of the guys ), he's had a couple meltdowns already, he's a threat to everyone in comps, and he eats all the food!! Not only should he be nominated, he should evicted!! Sounds fair to me.

She explains this over and over again to people all night long. And since she is all for fairness, well, she has to tell Devin he needs to go. She wants him to hear it from her. In our eyes, all of this is pure lunacy. One of the most stupid pre-nomination campaigns in the history of Big Brother. The house guests are feeling the same. Any votes she had to stay have shriveled up and died a horrible death.

But Joey is only following the rules the HOH lovebirds have presented to her. Fair is fair. She charters a bus for yet another door to door survey. Hasn't anyone read the BB16 union bylaws? Isn't this administration run on the transparency guidelines for fairness in the Big Brother game?? Have you paid your union dues to be hoodwinked into unjust nominations?

The results of her endless polling only help to galvanize her activism on this issue. Pretty much everyone tells her she that she makes a good point, they will think about it, and they really don't want her to go.Of course, since this is Big Brother, they are all lying to her face! But in Joey's fantasy world of fairness, the data she has collected  convinces her she must be right. Devin is the fair choice. So be it.

So that's my theory. I could be wrong, I usually am. She may simply be a complete idiot. Well, even if I am right, she is acting like an idiot as far as game goes. But what else can a blue headed newbie do?

                                                                  Have a Dorky Day