Nervousing Big Time!

I have no idea where to begin.

Well, I guess the most important event to occur in the BB house in the past 36 hours is that Shelli put in some new extensions. Audrey helped her. They are tape in extensions that Shelli bought on YouTube. (??!?!?) Her scalp is all icky and she has little spots of rash from the tape from the old extensions. I guess they just taped right over the icky parts and, Voila! beautiful hair!

Okay.Now that we've covered the important stuff,  let's see, what else have these crazy people been up to? Whatever it is, those damn tape-on extensions did not survive the night!

Vanessa is still going a-mile-a-minute-speed-freak-outta-control. Her new goal is to get Audrey back doored this week. After hearing just a few hundred repetitions of her reasons why, Shelli is on board for this brilliant game move.

Vanessa wants to win the Veto and be all badass at the ceremony and let Audrey know she is the real target now! And Vanessa does win it! After her win, she sets out to make all kinds of deals with Jason,Jackie, and Meg and I forget who else. Somehow, in her speed demon mind, she is convinced that if she uses the veto to remove Jason from the block she is pretty much entitled to safety right up to jury. Oh, and by the way she'll guarantee them safety too! That's nice.

Jason tells her he can't make deals for anyone else. Jackie tells her thanks, but no thanks. She doesn't wanna get involved. Vanessa is completely surprised by this response. Isn't her Veto magic? Can't they understand this?.

Meanwhile, Audrey is busy smelling some rats. She starts moseying around the house causing trouble. She is so damn good at it! And they all know what she is doing! But still..maybe what she is saying is true. She strolls away looking for her next victim.

I won't even go into what she is saying, or what reasons Vanessa and Shelli have for the back door plan. It's just more of the same that's been going on for weeks. Let's just say the stars have aligned, dreams and visions are all mixed up with empirical evidence, and everybody hurts in their hearts.

There is a fight in the HOH between Audrey and the Sleeper Cell Alliance, or whatever they are calling themselves these days. Everyone downstairs can hear the yelling and screaming up in the HOH. They are loving it!

It's obvious these people are done with Audrey, But Audrey's not done with them. Sulking and crying and plotting away she tries to talk to Shelli, then to Shelli and Vanessa, then to Shelli. Endlessly to Shelli. She won't stop. She won't leave the HOH. She won't go quietly into this good night.

Finally Shelli just leaves the HOH herself. Audry is regaining her composure. And counting on her fingers. And mumbling, and crying, and counting on her fingers again. She finally goes down stairs and pulls on her bean spilling pants. She is gonna spill beans all over the place.

James and Jackie get first call on spilled beans. Stealth whispering ensues. Audrey is spilling mostly truthful beans. But by now, no one will believe her.

Soon enough a house meeting is called. A very special meeting without Audrey. I can see why they want to exclude her. It's kinda sad, and pretty rude, but I get it. I would never give anyone with skills like Audrey a chance to drive me cuckoo more than once.

The meeting would have been more of a BB house meeting with Audrey for sure. This was like a friendly little tapas party. They all compared Audrey notes and then formed a F12 alliance and agreed to vote her out. Kiss-kiss, that was special, we should do this more often!

Meanwhile, Audrey is in the DR. For hours and hours.  This puts a damper on the newly unified house guest celebration. What could she be doing in there? Is she going to leave? They want her to leave, but not by quitting. Shelli and Vanessa are just really worried about her now.

Audrey finally comes out of the DR and somehow, in the midst of her post DR anxiety attack, ends up in bed with Vanessa., the POV winner. How convenient! Audrey is freaking out! Hallucinations! Anxiety! Disgrace! Stealth whispering and night vision combine, and you can only catch few words here and there.Audrey will see the doctor tomorrow and get new meds.

Morning finally comes. Audrey won't wake up, won't change her batteries, won't go to the DR.

Fishes come and fishes go, and we learn that Audrey is in the DR. Once again, for hours. I think we just passed three hours.

Rumors are flying, inside and outside the house.Is Audrey walking off the show? Is she having some kind of medical emergency? Is this all part of her evil plan to get them to feel sorry for her?

The POV is waaaaaaaaay late. Every time anyone on he feeds mentions Audrey we get fish. The camera dude has recently zoomed in on the Emergency Exit button in the storage room. The one that Audrey told Vanessa she wanted to push last night when she came out of the DR.

What the fook is going on? We sit and wait. We have no idea. We make up all kinds of ridiculous scenarios. We stare at those damn fishes looking for clues. We are nervousing big time!

                                               
                                                       Have A Dorky Day!

Where Is My Happy BB Canada Place?

The feeds have been down for hours on Big Brother Canada 3, and I don't seem to be that upset about it. That can't be a good sign.

I just can't seem to get into my BB groove, and I don't know why. I suspect that not having the live feeds come on right after the premier has something to do with my malaise.

This first week has been interesting twist wise. Sending the hgs into a house with no furniture, no food, no clothes was great! And all they had to eat was slop! That must have made them all cranky to the max! It really would have been fun to see them deal with that on the feeds. Lots of fun we didn't get to have because THERE WERE NO FEEDS YET !

Then there was the first eviction. And we had the power to decide who goes! That sounds like loads of fun, right? If the feeds had been on during the voting, it would have been party time! Voters could have had more info to go on than Big-Boobs-Cougar vs Silly-Laugh-Cheerleader. Fun times would have been had by all! BUT WE HAD NO FEEDS!

I wanted Risha gone just because I don't ever want a Cougar-Mance on my BB. Eeeeewwww! Maybe if I could have watched her on the feeds I could have seen her non-cougar side. *sigh*

But then, it wouldn't have mattered anyway, because she might get a chance to get back in the house! Silly twisted Twisto's twist. Sheesh!

Ok, enough complaining about no feeds. We have feeds now, and we can move on.

Yes. Let's move right on to complaining about the camera dudes. Funny the things you forget over time. I forgot how the BBCAN camera dudes have absolutely no idea what they are doing! They just focus in on random silent people no matter who is talking OFF CAMERA! They practice mood shots of the furniture and house decor. They especially like to have the cam shot in one room and the audio from another room.

This year the camera dudes are all about the aerial shot. Looking down from the ceiling onto the living room couch is absolutely no help when it comes to figuring out who is saying what to whom. Yet we have quite a few aerial views sprinkled throughout our live feed day.

Ok. Moving on.

I kinda like Jordan, Sarah, and Bobby. They seem smart and social and able to keep some info to themselves.

I don't want to like Cindy with an S, but she might just be full of all kinds of drama and game play potential. I am gonna chill with her for a while.

I liked Willow at first, but she is driving me crazy already. Willow is everywhere! I think she will be the Pop-In hg of this season, popping into every convo, in every room, on every cam. She said in her interview that she is either really up, or really emotional, so I am waiting for a meltdown before passing judgement on her.

Graig and Johnny have good meltdown potential too. Graig's melting might include berzerker possibilities, so I am chillin with him even though he seems like a bit of a jerk..

I want Zach to fail miserably in all of the hundreds of deals he has in the works.

I want Naeha to deliver on her bitch-face promises.

I want Ashleigh to decide on a hairdo and stick with it for longer than five minutes.

I want Bruno to always wear a hat because the view of his head from behind is not pleasant.

I want Pilar to blossom into a comp beast and scare the bejeezus out of everyone.

I want Godfrey to show a little personality, please!

But most of all I want to know why everyone loves Kevin? Well, they love him but don't trust him. Kevin is flirting with everyone! He's all touchy-feely-let-me-just--lay-my-leg-over-you-while-I-rub-someone-else's-feet. I don't see anything to love. He has evil inside him, I just know it.

Brittnee seems to have been wiped out already by all this BB business. I think being a have-not is gonna take all the sparkle we saw in her interviews right out of her. I would know more about this if they had shown us the have-not room on the feeds last night after the Have-Not comp, BUT THEY DID NOT!!!. I worry that she won't survive if she is nommed as planned. I want Brittnee to stay long enough to wake up and play Big Brother.

I went to bed early last night, when I finally realized they were not gonna show us the have-not room. I figured we would get to see it this morning, when the have-nots woke up all grumpy from sleeping in inhumane conditions. I was a wee bit excitable thinking about seeing the results of the have-not room deprivation.

But the feeds were down when I woke up. And they are still down as I write this. And, like I said before, I don't seem to be upset about it. Where is my happy, shiny, exciting BB Canada? I hope I find it soon.

                                                        Have A Dorky Day!

Brittany: Let The Camplaining Begin!

Brittany is finally on the block. And it doesn't take her too long to start camplaining. That unique blend of campaigning and complaining that Brittany has honed to perfection.  She has pretty much been doing this since day one.  She did it even when she was safe.

Now that her BB life is on the line, it can only get worse. Yesterday she began her camplaining with a visit to the HOH. Cody has no vote, yet she spent a good long while up there.

Her first list of complaints go something like this:

• She is not a follower
• She will not kiss ass
• She is the most honest player there
• She is not going to let anyone run her game, she will always make her own decisions, regardless

Well, gee golly Cody, she sounds like one great teammate to me! She won't follow any one's plan, she won't make nice to get further in the game, or to stay safe, she won't lie to save your ass, and no matter what anyone working with her might think is best, she will do whatever she wants. What a great team player!!

Just in case Cody misses the not so subtle insults implicit in the above list, (everybody but her is a lying, ass kissing sheep) she adds one more point  to nail it down.

• She is surrounded by idiots

I wish she would stop there. That list should be entered into Wikipedia under How Not To Play BB.  But Brittany has many more complaints to share as she continues her Powerpoint presentation to a player who HAS NO VOTE!!!

The second part of her camplaining strategy is clearly designed to gain sympathy.

• She has 3 kids.
• She sacrificed  so much to be there
• Her ex may be plotting to get full custody of her kids while she is in the house
• She may not even have a house, or a car when she gets out
• There are other players in the house who clearly don't deserve to be here, in fact, really, when you look at it, only she and Jocasta, and maybe Derrick because he has kids, deserve to be there
• Everything was against her from the very beginning because certain people started playing the game so early, and made moves, and formed alliances, and didn't include her

This crazy list has been repeated over and over since the beginning of the season. It has gained her nothing. Each week she says the same thing and still nobody wants to work with her.  Shouldn't that be a clue? Wouldn't you think, by week four, on the block, that she would realize her game plan is not working?  And what kind of person leaves their children in danger of being spirited away by someone? She thinks this list will convince people she should stay in the game, when they all must be thinking "Why is she here when her children might be having their whole world  turn upside down?"

What makes it worse is that she really is very smart about what is going on in the house. She is pretty savvy about things up to a certain point. The point where she opens her mouth. I fear she will not close it this week. She will camplain herself right out the door.

                                                     Have a Dorky Day!

Victoria, What Did You Do???

I was suspicious last night when we had fish for a while, and then all 4 cams were on the hive room. As I watched the convo between Caleb and Amber go on into infinity, I was hoping that the cam shenanigans meant that Victoria was self evicting. She had been crying and complaining to everyone since the Battle of the Block.  She says everyone in the house is so mean, and she is so nice, she doesn't even want to be here anymore. I never heard her actually threaten to self evict, but it was fun to think about.

Quite a while later Zach is up in the HOH with Frankie and Cody in the bird nest. Zach says they have to keep Victoria, especially after what went down today. What is he talking about? What went down?  Frankie and Cody are as clueless as I am. Zach tells them he can't talk about it, but it was something Victoria did in the diary room that you cannot do. What could that be?  He can't tell them because production said not to tell or he would be in trouble. Something that she did, that you cannot do, that might cause someone in production to lose their job!!! Whaaaaaat? Tell me! Tell me!!

We get fish, and then..new topic! No more mention of Victoria. What happened? I want to know!!! Will we ever know?? Did anything even really happen? Zach is great at making things up, so he may be lying to them. Victoria is an emotional mess right now, so she may be making a big deal about nothing. Zach told Frankie and Cody that he went right into the diary room after talking to Victoria and asked them if it was true. He made it sound like they said yes, then warned him not to talk about it to anyone. ( 7/19 2:03:33 am )

So frustrating!! I search the archives and find a really quick exchange between Victoria and Zach  that begins in the kitchen ( 7/18 6:01:12 pm )  Victoria is crying, they go to the storage room, Victoria says "Do you know why they called me to the DR?  It wasn't..." And we get fish. It wasn't what??? What happened?

I can't even imagine any crazy scenarios. What in the world could she do in the diary room that might affect somebodys job? The guys have been complaining about Victoria touching them inappropriately. They can't really believe Victoria has no idea what she is doing. Maybe they talked about it in the diary room and production decided to address the issue with her. But still, what could she do in there that you are not allowed to do? Demonstrate her technique? No, that can't be it, Zach said it had to do with the game.What happened in there???

The diary room is such an enigma. What goes on in there?  Remember last season? When were were all certain that Elissa was receiving the full spa treatment during her hour long diary room  sessions?  What could she have been doing in there for hours at a time?

Jocasta revealed a bit about the diary room yesterday. She was talking to Brittany, who was complaining again about being a target and blah blah blah. She said she just wanted to scream, Jocasta told her to go do that in the DR. She told Britt to just go in there and let it all out, and they will ask her if she wants it filmed or not, and just say no. Jocasta says that's what she does. She goes in there all the time and lets loose and tells them not to film it.  Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!

The DR is our secret weapon.  Our sacred ground!  DR sessions help us separate the truth from the lies. A diary room rant or melt down is our dream come true. We want to see you let loose. Slam the whole house! Cry us a river!  My whole BB world is spiraling out of control!  No, Jocasta, say it ain't so!

                                                                  Have a Dorky Day!

That's One Hairy Ass Tattoo, Dude

Our BB16 cast of newbies has plenty of tattoos. Beautifully decorated skin that I fear we will never get a good look at. But then we get a surprise! Last night we were treated to the very public viewing of Hayden's astronaut tattoo. On his butt. His hairy butt. An astronaut on his moon.

Usually I am up close to the screen trying to see hg's tattoos. I twist my head all around, and close one eye to make out the details. Once I tried binoculars! Sneak attack!  But with Hayden, I didn't really want a good look. His butt was way too hairy for close inspection.

There are times when the camera guy helps me out. On a boring feed day the camera guy will zoom in on all kinds of things. Sometimes it's tattoos. But I can never get the really good look I crave. Tattoo screenshots can help, but they rarely show the whole tattoo. Like BB Canada's famous tractor tattoo. I never saw the whole glorious spectacle of that tractor tattoo. Bits and pieces only. Sigh.....

Somebody needs to start a BB tattoo blog! A blog devoted to hg's tattoos. I wanna see them! I want to understand them. Like that damn tractor tattoo. Is it his favorite tractor? A family tractor? Are tractor tattoos common amongst the dairy farmers of the land?

Hayden's astronaut tattoo makes perfect sense to me.  No mystery how, or why, that happened. But occasionally a hg will have a tatt that has no rhyme or reason. I want to know all about it, to see it up close.

Yesterday Christine was explaining her tattoos to Joey, and as far as I could tell from the convo, her tattoos are amazing! Awe inspiring! One of a kind!  Could I see them? Nope.

But, hours later, there is a giant hairy ass tattoo all over the internet. Christine's arms are works of art, and we get mooned .

                                                            Have a Dorky Day!

Twisting The Night Away

One night of BB16 live feeds has my brain twisted beyond all hope. Big Brother never fully explains the rules of a twist. Never, ever!  On the CBS show, Julie speaks very slowly and carefully as she explains it to the house guests. We listen, and we try to understand. We text and tweet and chat and try, really try.

When the feeds come on we search for clues. It's seriously hard work. Even though this cast has at least one camera talker (Frankie) we never got the whole story.  We know the current noms, and the safe noms, and who made  noms. We know the current HOH, and the losing HOH.

But how the noms were made is still being debated. Here is what my twisted brain finally came up with after keeping me up all night:

I think that Frankie made noms  FOR Caleb from Caleb's team. And Caleb made noms FOR Frankie from Frankie's team. And Caleb's noms, that Frankie picked for him, won the Battle of the Block. So that means Frankie's noms, that Caleb picked for him, lost the battle and are still noms, and Frankie lost his HOH.

If the HOH's picked their own noms, why did they pick weaker players?

I did hear that some peeps heard Frankie say he nommed Paola himself, because he thought she was starting a girls alliance. Another theory is that the noms were the hg's who dropped first in their HOH comp. So I could be wrong. I usually am.  But I can't think about it anymore. It hurts my brain.

                                                              Have a Dorky Day

Complain If You Love Big Brother

Waiting for BB live feeds to begin has me all fidgety. This two part premiere business is torture. Forcing us wait till Thursday night for feeds is making me cranky. Ha! Day two and I'm already cranky! That's a sure sign BB season is upon us, when we start complaining.

We complain about everything! Casting, production, hg's, house decor, our list goes on into infinity. We are a fickle fandom. Happy today and pissy tomorrow. We love a cast member in the morning, and by midnight we loathe them. Twists and tasks bore us after a short time and we complain, complain, complain. Even as we keep watching, hour after hour, we grumble and moan.

Right now we are in the honeymoon stage. We love newbies! We love the feeds! We love BB! But, soon enough, we will start complaining. It's what we do. We love and hate, and love to hate. Right now I'm grumpy because I have to wait for feeds. When feeds begin it won't take me long to find something else to fuss about. And while I complain about it, I will keep watching. Because it's Big Brother, and I love it!

                                                                                  Have a Dorky Day!

More Punishments Please

I'm really excited about BB16 starting tomorrow night. But I also kind of dread the twisted twists CBS is promising. Twists make me cranky. I love them in BBUK and BBAUS, where I can relax and enjoy the fun.But BBUS twists always seem to mess up the game.

I do like tasks. Make those house guests do crazy things all day long, I'm cool with that. And I love punishments. When you are immersed in the world of live feeds you tend to be more persnickety about the rules as the weeks go by. Dreaming up punishments for the hg's is one of my favorite things to do.

In real life I don't like to mess with peoples karma. Just let it slide. But in BB life, I want a hotline to production so I can inform them of any and all infractions. My chat friends are evil wizards when it comes to punishments. If they worked for BB there would be daily discipline of the most heinous and hilarious sort.

Extra special punishments are reserved for bad habits that drive us bonkers when we are subjected to them 24/7 for 3 months. I am a pacifist in all things except BB. Instead of giving us a vote, BB should give us little buzzers that connect to the house that could unleash punishments willy nilly.  This might mess with the game as much as the twists do, but would be way more entertaining.

                                                                  Have a Dorky Day

I Drive A Convertible!!!!

Sequester time!! All the new hg's are locked away in some hotel until launch night.  This is when Big Brother production must be playing all kinds of mind games with the cast. Some bad seeds were surely planted during the audition process, but now production is in full control. Now Big Brother owns them.

The real fun must begin with luggage inspection. The hg's were given a list of what NOT to bring into the BB house clothing wise. No logos, and nothing that messes with the camera, like sparkles, and dots, and stripes, and white whites. But that list is a decoy! Subterfuge! Sneak attack!. An excuse to confiscate anything they fancy. What production wants is a character..a story. So they pull all the clothes they don't want that character to wear. The biggest impact is usually felt by the female hg's.

BB pulls all the skimpy sparkly clothes, and Voila! A sister wife is born!  The modest clothes are pulled, and 4 pairs of shorty shorts and one bustier are left, and Hooray!! Half-naked-all-the-time-chic is in the house! At this point the hg is surely  freaking out, so BB  distracts them by moving on to cosmetics and personal care items. The one item they need to survive will be pulled for sure, along with their fave hair styling tool.

But there is always one girl BB lets keep everything... just because. The missing clothes are mostly forgotten until about a month into the season. Tension is high, lines are being drawn, and some girls begin to notice that one girls clothes have  sparkles and dots, plus she has her special fave moisture cream, and BB gave her hair dye!!!  She's a mole! She's America's Player!!  She's best friends with Allison Grodner!!

One of my fave moments of last years horror show of a season was when Gina Marie had a melt down about her clothes. It was glorious and horrible.  I never actually saw it. My cams wouldn't change, so I was stuck in another part of the house, and chat friends had to narrate, which only added to the hilarity. Gina Marie's clothing had logos everywhere and BB had her mark them out with a sharpie, but the sharpie kept fading so BB had to take even more of her clothes away. She was screaming and crying and wailing. "I don't dress like this! I don't wear capris! I'm Italian! I have class! I drive a convertible!" This went on for hours. No one could console her. "BB took all my clothes! I drive a convertible!"

It's moments (hours) like that on the live feeds that prove that BB is a master at this big brother business. Every aspect of house life is geared towards breaking the hg's down, building them back up, only to smash them down again. All for our viewing pleasure.

                                                               Have a Dorky Day

It's A Dorky Big Brother Blog!!

Big Brother USA 16 will be starting soon. The live feeds will take over our lives. We surrender willingly. Clean the house, stock the fridge, update your BB blog bookmarks, and reconnect with your chat room peeps. Yes, we do have a life, and it will be on hold  until the finale.

I am intrigued by the world that revolves around Big Brother USA and the live feeds. Feed watchers, chatters, bloggers, podcasters. I want to know how these people survive the summer, and what they really think about certain aspects of the Big Brother TV show and the  feeds. I also have questions about the twilight zone universe of BB production. Questions that need answers, dammit!

After all the crazy bad nonsense that happened during BBUS 15 live feeds, many of us wondered if there would even be a season 16. Or maybe there would be a new season, but no live feeds!!! I'm curious to see how things develop this season.

So I decided to start a BB blog.  A place where I could share my thoughts and questions, and invite some people to share their own views of BB feed life. There are plenty of BB recap and live feed update blogs, this is not one of them. My favorite ones are listed in my blog roll. They help fill in the blanks when I absolutely must leave the house, or fall asleep right before the hg's get alcohol.

Let's see what happens here during season 16. I am not a BB expert, or a BB trivia encyclopedia. I get lost a lot during the feeds, but my chat friends draw me a map and help me on my way. I am extremely low tech, so it may take me a while to get in the blog and twitter groove.

                                                                                       Have a Dorky day!