We Have No Idea What Is Happening In There!!!

I'm feeling all weird and cranky about whatever the fook is happening in the Big Brother house this week.  This post is just me trying to make sense of what might be happening in my fave reality show.

We still have no idea what is really going on with Audrey. She has been hiding out in the HN room for days. She speaks to just a few of the house guests when they come in to check on her. The others are getting the silent treatment.

BB has changed some rules just for her. She's a Have Not, but she can eat regular food. She can turn the lights out in the HN room. She can sleep on the floor if she so desires. She didn't have to show up for the POV ceremony, even though she was the re-nom.

Some of the house guests say that in the DR they were told that whatever is going on with Audrey is not serious. I missed this on the feeds, but I read in several updates that she is allowed food because BB gave her meds that must be taken with food.

That's about all we know for sure.

By now, I feel a bit reluctant to tweet or blog about her. What if she's really sick? The house guests seem to feel the same way. It must be so damn strange in the BB house right now. If we feel frustrated not having any idea what is going on with Audrey, Imagine how they feel.

I have never really understood Audrey's game plan. Her main strategy seems to be setting house guests against each other and confusing everyone whenever she can. She was brilliant at whatever she was up to.

That's why it's so hard to believe she isn't faking this breakdown. The timing, the dramatics, everything about it is pure Audrey crazy game play. But, if she is faking it, what is her end goal? To say fook you to BB, the cast, the viewers?  To hide out till today or tomorrow and wow us with a magical plan to save herself?

If she is ill enough to sleep the days away with special privileges, why is she still there? Does BB just want to keep here there till eviction? Would they potentially endanger a cast members health by talking them into staying in the house?

Maybe she couldn't convince them she was having a real breakdown. If you leave the show for medical reasons do you lose your stipend? Maybe not. Her fake tears up to now have been so obvious. Surely production is aware of her "I'm the victim here" strategy. Maybe BB wouldn't give her a medical release, but conceded to the bending of some rules to keep her chilled out till eviction.

Whatever the truth is, it's the weirdest week ever in Big Brother. It's like she walked off the show without actually walking.

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Nervousing Big Time!

I have no idea where to begin.

Well, I guess the most important event to occur in the BB house in the past 36 hours is that Shelli put in some new extensions. Audrey helped her. They are tape in extensions that Shelli bought on YouTube. (??!?!?) Her scalp is all icky and she has little spots of rash from the tape from the old extensions. I guess they just taped right over the icky parts and, Voila! beautiful hair!

Okay.Now that we've covered the important stuff,  let's see, what else have these crazy people been up to? Whatever it is, those damn tape-on extensions did not survive the night!

Vanessa is still going a-mile-a-minute-speed-freak-outta-control. Her new goal is to get Audrey back doored this week. After hearing just a few hundred repetitions of her reasons why, Shelli is on board for this brilliant game move.

Vanessa wants to win the Veto and be all badass at the ceremony and let Audrey know she is the real target now! And Vanessa does win it! After her win, she sets out to make all kinds of deals with Jason,Jackie, and Meg and I forget who else. Somehow, in her speed demon mind, she is convinced that if she uses the veto to remove Jason from the block she is pretty much entitled to safety right up to jury. Oh, and by the way she'll guarantee them safety too! That's nice.

Jason tells her he can't make deals for anyone else. Jackie tells her thanks, but no thanks. She doesn't wanna get involved. Vanessa is completely surprised by this response. Isn't her Veto magic? Can't they understand this?.

Meanwhile, Audrey is busy smelling some rats. She starts moseying around the house causing trouble. She is so damn good at it! And they all know what she is doing! But still..maybe what she is saying is true. She strolls away looking for her next victim.

I won't even go into what she is saying, or what reasons Vanessa and Shelli have for the back door plan. It's just more of the same that's been going on for weeks. Let's just say the stars have aligned, dreams and visions are all mixed up with empirical evidence, and everybody hurts in their hearts.

There is a fight in the HOH between Audrey and the Sleeper Cell Alliance, or whatever they are calling themselves these days. Everyone downstairs can hear the yelling and screaming up in the HOH. They are loving it!

It's obvious these people are done with Audrey, But Audrey's not done with them. Sulking and crying and plotting away she tries to talk to Shelli, then to Shelli and Vanessa, then to Shelli. Endlessly to Shelli. She won't stop. She won't leave the HOH. She won't go quietly into this good night.

Finally Shelli just leaves the HOH herself. Audry is regaining her composure. And counting on her fingers. And mumbling, and crying, and counting on her fingers again. She finally goes down stairs and pulls on her bean spilling pants. She is gonna spill beans all over the place.

James and Jackie get first call on spilled beans. Stealth whispering ensues. Audrey is spilling mostly truthful beans. But by now, no one will believe her.

Soon enough a house meeting is called. A very special meeting without Audrey. I can see why they want to exclude her. It's kinda sad, and pretty rude, but I get it. I would never give anyone with skills like Audrey a chance to drive me cuckoo more than once.

The meeting would have been more of a BB house meeting with Audrey for sure. This was like a friendly little tapas party. They all compared Audrey notes and then formed a F12 alliance and agreed to vote her out. Kiss-kiss, that was special, we should do this more often!

Meanwhile, Audrey is in the DR. For hours and hours.  This puts a damper on the newly unified house guest celebration. What could she be doing in there? Is she going to leave? They want her to leave, but not by quitting. Shelli and Vanessa are just really worried about her now.

Audrey finally comes out of the DR and somehow, in the midst of her post DR anxiety attack, ends up in bed with Vanessa., the POV winner. How convenient! Audrey is freaking out! Hallucinations! Anxiety! Disgrace! Stealth whispering and night vision combine, and you can only catch few words here and there.Audrey will see the doctor tomorrow and get new meds.

Morning finally comes. Audrey won't wake up, won't change her batteries, won't go to the DR.

Fishes come and fishes go, and we learn that Audrey is in the DR. Once again, for hours. I think we just passed three hours.

Rumors are flying, inside and outside the house.Is Audrey walking off the show? Is she having some kind of medical emergency? Is this all part of her evil plan to get them to feel sorry for her?

The POV is waaaaaaaaay late. Every time anyone on he feeds mentions Audrey we get fish. The camera dude has recently zoomed in on the Emergency Exit button in the storage room. The one that Audrey told Vanessa she wanted to push last night when she came out of the DR.

What the fook is going on? We sit and wait. We have no idea. We make up all kinds of ridiculous scenarios. We stare at those damn fishes looking for clues. We are nervousing big time!

                                               
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Vanessa Decides Her Best Game Move Is To Talk Really Fast Until All Of Our Heads Explode!

I love me some crazy paranoid BB, but Audrey and Vanessa have worn me out a thousand times over. And Vanessa broke my feeds! She talked so fast, for so long, my feeds are all glitchy with a repeating loop. Vanessa is already a repeating loop, this just adds to the insanity.

Ok. So where are we. Week Three. OK.

Audrey's game plan is equal parts loony toons and camera time. I can't keep up with who she is targeting, because it can change mid sentence.This is her third week safe from the block, and still she feels the need to cause trouble. Multiple troubles, boil and bubbles. Everyone knows she is lying and twisting every body's words. They are all aware that she can cast spells on people and twist up their tongues so there is no hope of defending themselves! They know this!

But when she comes to drag someone away to 'clear the air ', off they go!. I wouldn't talk to Audrey about anything, ever! John came up with the perfect plan for dealing with her. He said he will either give her the silent treatment or yell at her. Those are his only options for protecting himself from her.

Silent treatment means she will have nothing to quote him on. Yelling at her means everyone else will be able to hear what he says to her. I love this plan. I hope he really does try this out. It would be great fun.

Vanessa and Austin, and whatever the fook alliances they are in, have decided they must protect Audrey.She is a meat shield that they can get out later. Whenever they desire. Easy as pie. HA!

They have also agreed to protect the recently discovered twin twist, Liz and Julia. They will protect the twins with their BB lives because weeks from now it will mean an extra vote for their side of the house! The fact that the twins will be related by blood as a pair in the house isn't even discussed. Those twins will be so grateful for this protection that they will just do as they are told.  Yep. Sounds like a PLAN!

Three weeks into this season, we now have empirical evidence that the BoB sucks the life right out of this game of Big Brother that we hold so dear. And three weeks of lame ass takeovers have shown us just how ridiculous this season is going to be.

And one week of Vanessa and her mile-a-minute, head spinning talkathon of an HoH makes me very leery of turning the feeds back on after this POV ceremony.But I will. Because......BB.

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Devin Has A Daughter...With Amanda....Her Name Is Audrey

So I slept through another round of The Audrey Show. Why didn't Audrey wake me up? She woke everyone else up! Uh oh! Maybe she is targeting me! When she gets that look in her eye I bet she can see me!

That crazy gleam in her eye is so much like Amanda BB15 it's scary. I remember that look. Target Locked!  Mission is a go no matter what. Tenacious. Relentless. Ceaseless.

I can't even begin to follow all the circular talk from Audrey last night. I'll leave that to the professional BB updaters. Gawd bless them for risking their sanity for the rest of us.

Astrology, psychic energy vibes, secret symbols and unnamed sources have shown Audrey that certain people are lying and untrustworthy. She seems to be targeting Vanessa and Jackie, but then she throws Steve in there, just because.

And everybody she she has summoned to the HOH just lets her go on and on and on. They seem to be afraid of her and I just can't understand why. A couple people challenged her now and then but backed down pretty quick.

And then the Devin devil in Audrey's head whispers to her that she must go wake up even more people and haul their butts up to the HoH. Jason and Jeff say No! No! No! And just like Devin, she ignores the better judgement of her super-size alliance and goes to wake them up!

Once again, the only concrete result of Audrey's meeting is that now everyone involved can see even more clearly that she just is trying to make big trouble. And once again, they all pretty much decide to let her do it. It's crazy!

So if Devin and Amanda have a daughter, whose name is Audrey, that means she was born when they were...hmmm...5 years old? Impossible you say? Well, I hear Caleb was the midwife, so it must be true.

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All About Audrey

Whew! The first full day of live feeds completely wore me out. It started slow and then - boom!

Steve won the POV with the word trombonist and then promptly disappeared from the feeds for most of the day. Smart move.

When the feeds came back after the comp Audrey had a demonic gleam in her eye. She had a mission. Nothing would stop her. Something about her hearing of a plan to back door her. Let's get it straight, she is the victim here, and she will get to the bottom of this if it takes all day.

Here follows the fetching of various people to be interrogated by Audrey. House guests go up and down, and in and out, and Audrey demands to know who said what to whom. For some reason Audrey is allowed to keep her sources secret. Everyone else better name names, right now.

Austin, Jace, De'Vonne, James, and Liz are the main targets of Audrey's suspicions. No one questions her right to command an audience. Austin tries to get some specific answers from her but she goes all vague and reminds him that she is the victim here. She has been nice to everyone. She is a caring person. She has comforted them all, consoled them all (???) and for someone to do this to her hurts her.

And this is how the day goes, and long into the night. Everyone involved can plainly see that Audrey is playing hard, that she wants to pit people against each other, that she is pretty much trying to run the game. And yet they spend most of their day kissing her butt.

There are already quite a few alliances in the house, but Audrey's search for the truth has inspired everyone to make even more alliances. Alliances real and fake start popping up all over the place.

Audrey is in at least 50 alliances by now. She takes time to connect with each one to regroup and make sure everything is ok. She takes time to give them each some advice, some coaching, some control freak instructions on how they should play the game.

Clay should give De'vonne a massage. With his shirt off. He should also kiss Shelli. Like this.... Yes, she shows him how to go in for the kiss.

Steve should stop walking around. It bugs people when he walks around. And he should stop walking in on peoples convo's. If he sees two people talking he should go away and not interrupt them.

The other house guests spend the day recovering from the inquisition.Somehow De'vonne has a target on her back and she spends some time trying to get it off. Austin is still busy planning his 9 person alliance to make it to jury. Jace decides he better go scare the bejeezus out of Steve, just because. Shelli drools over every word Clay says even though she has no idea what he is talking about. James just wants to get Jace up as the renom and lock himself in the HoH till Wednesday.

At last the back yard is open and everyone rushes outside to breathe in the fresh air and do some serious laundry. But Audrey is still working the game. She stays inside to go find Steve.  He is desperate for information but she doesn't give him many answers. She does tell him that she is the victim in all of this, without really telling him what all of this is.

She leaves him alone in the house looking dazed and confused. Me too. I'm not sure what really happened today on the live feeds. It was fast and furious and it just wouldn't stop. But one thing both Steve and I are sure of is that trombonist is our new favorite word.

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Which Way To Jingle Town?

This is what happens when you let newbies run around the Big Brother house for a week without supervision! Your pre-game fave starts hanging with a bad crowd.

The feeds come on and there is Austin behaving like a complete dodo head as the house guests do an endless round of shout outs to celebrate the live feeds coming on.

Austin looked so good in his bio. So smart in his interviews. And now here he is on my live feeds looking pretty ridiculous as he and Jace yell and stomp and run the show for us.

Jace and Austin retire to the hangout room to continue their bro show, and it becomes obvious that Austin is just as much of a jerk as Jace. Austin isn't just hangin with the bad crowd, he is the bad crowd!

They have clever names for suspected alliances in the house: Shell Town? Schill Town? Jingle Town? They have plans to manipulate everyone. They have secret jokes that make them giggle. They seem fairly convinced that after ten minutes of the live feeds coming on they are every one's favorites and they have this whole BB thing locked down.

I give up on Austin as a lost cause, and look around to see where my other faves are. Jason looks pretty comfy in the BB house, fitting right in and doing just fine.  John the Dentist is alternately mellow and boingy-boingy off the wall. I hear some whispers about him here and there, but for now he seems safe from the house, and the influence of the bad kids, who are still performing their Bro Show for the cameras.

Now where is Vanessa, my fave poker player?  Oh my goodness she is a hot mess already. She misses her girlfriend, she doesn't like bullies, she's claustrophobic, and she doesn't know if she can do this! I think she is a Have Not, so I am hoping this is the slop talking.

Steve is trying his best to cheer Vanessa up with some kind of mind/number/word  game. It sounds like torture, but seems to dry up her tears for a while.

Steve and Jackie are on the block, but talk around the house is that everyone agrees they want Jace  out. Yes please! Back door plans week one seem a bit dramatic, but I'm all for it if Jace leaves the house. Then maybe Austin can redeem himself.

The feeds are all glitchy and looping and I am ready for bed. James is thinking about bed too. He is kinda wishing he was a Have Not, cuz he is loving those dentist chairs. He loves them so much he decides he's gonna sleep in one instead of being all lonely up in the HoH room. Seriously. Sounds like some Jingle Town nonsense to me!

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I Need Me Some BB Drama!

What week are we in? I think it's week five, but don't quote me on that. My mind is a vast, empty BB wilderness. Tumbleweeds are rolling by. Days run together, and time is standing still. This season is fading away into oblivion, and it might just take me with it.

WHY ARE THEY ALL LAYING AROUND WITHOUT A BB CARE IN THE WORLD?

This whole insane plan to nom Jordan and backdoor Bruno is so unnecessary.  And ridiculous.  And it seems to be working. There are whiffs of suspicion here and there, but I think they may really pull this off.

Even if Bruno or Bobby figure things out, I kinda feel like they'll just say "Oh well." and lay back down.

And if Zach and Jordan are successful, they will get even more cocky than they are right now. I predict that Jordan will turn to the closest cam and say "Put that in the wikipedia!" and give us a little wink.

Maybe things will liven up after the noms. Or maybe after the POV comp. Or will we have to wait till after the POV ceremony for a little excitement?

I need me some BB excitement bad. I want accusations to fly. I crave lies upon lies. I wanna have to switch cams at the speed of light to follow the raging fight that can change the game!

Can somebody please blow somebody's game up and leave the other hgs reeling?

Is this too much to ask? Is it even possible?

Right now, the evicted hgs in sequester are conducting their own Chop Shop alliance debriefing. One of them will return to the house chock full of Chop Shop Counter Intelligence.  Will they be able to use it to their full advantage? I can't really imagine how.

Everyone in sequester is in there because they blew up their own game. Couldn't keep their mouth shut. They each hollered from the BB roof top exactly who their targets were. Well, Risha didn't have a chance to holler, but she did whisper a few things as she went out the door.

Who will believe anything they have to say? And who can they even say it to? Zach and Jordan have pretty much every body sewn up tight. Sewn up tight with cute little buttons and bows.  Right now Zach is planning to tell Bruno and Bobby to throw the POV comp. And the crazy thing is, they might just listen to him.

The thing about BB is that I love good game playing, but I want all the other stuff too. The drama, the fights, the sneaky snake in the grass stuff. I like Zach and Jordan, and they are playing a pretty damn fine game. I wouldn't really even mind if Bobby or Bruno went out

Zach and Jordan just make me cranky.  And after they draw this line in the BB sand they will only start to play harder!  But, seriously, how hard do you have to play against people who lay around all day and night without a BB care in the world?

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